Once upon a time, there was a man who was witty, intelligent, successful and incredibly handsome (6'2", great body and athletic with bright blue eyes and dimples). You would think with a resume like that, he would have been my Prince Charming. Me too, until I remembered I am living in my dating world not Cinderella's.
Mr. Not-So-Prince-Charming and I met online (surprise!). As my readers and I have discussed in the past, meeting someone online is tough. It changes the whole game of dating. There is the awkward introductory email to see if the other person is interested. If they respond, most of your contact is through email and then eventually a phone call or two. One can usually tell if they have chemistry after the first or second email exchange. True to online dating form, we have a handful of incredibly witty and playful emails going back and forth until he decides that he wants to call me and chat live. The phone conversations are just as swoon worthy as the emails, which make me like him even more. By the time our first date rolls around there is so much build up that I could barely sit still on the cab ride over to the restaurant.
We went to my favorite little Mexican Restaurant on Southport. I walked into the restaurant and when he saw me, he stood up, and there he was in all of his 6'2 deliciously dimpled glory. He was so adorable that I became oddly nervous -- but I had on a new dress, so I took comfort in knowing that even if this date went to hell, at least I would look good going down in flames.
Our interaction was so comfortable that I was over being nervous after the first 10 minutes (and the first margarita, which I'm sure didn't hurt). After dinner, he kissed me on the cheek, hailed a cab for me and opened my car door. On my way home, I got a text message from him saying "Gena, I had an amazing time tonight. You're perfect. Let's do it again soon." He was a perfect gentleman, and I again find myself swooning.
In the days after our first date, we emailed constantly, chatted on the phone and even set up a second date. The night of our second date, I received a text message that said "Gena, I'm so sorry, but can we reschedule dinner for tonight?" I, being the understanding, amazing, and apparently modest, woman that I am, said, "Of course! Did you have a crazy day at work?" He responded with, and I kid you not -- drum roll please -- he was "so wrapped up in playing World of Warcraft (that's WoW for you computer nerds) that he couldn't step away" and thought we should reschedule for the following night.
Huh? Was I really just canceled on for Druid, Warlock and Rogue? Don't get excited, nerds of the world, I Googled the characters; I didn't know that off the top of my head. This didn't happen just once, or twice. It happened three different times! That. Was. It.
A couple of emails are exchanged between him and I about his flippant attitude to which he responded, "I'm definitely interested in you, please don't think that I'm not. If I weren't, I would not have sent you any emails or texts after we went out. Just think of me as the tortoise from the Tortoise and the Hare story. I move VERY slowly, take my time, and hope to do things the right way. When I dated my one serious girlfriend for four years, it took me over a month to ask her on an official date outside of going to booze it up with our mutual friends. When it comes to me, if I was not interested, as I said, I would have not responded to emails and text messages. I am just so used to being alone that it is hard to get out there and start to like someone and you are an easily likable person." Now, aside from the "you're an easily likable person," I was stumped. I ask you, how slow is VERY slow (thanks for the gratuitous caps, bud)? The Tortoise and the Hare? ONE serious girlfriend? Did I mention he was 32? Did I miss anything?
Needless to say, we never went on that next date because yes, he's right, I am a likable person, but now I'm a likable annoyed person, and that's not a good combination. I hope he and his Warlock live happily ever after together.
**People always ask me how I get through these ridiculous dates with such a level head and minimal bitterness. Answer? My friends. Without my hysterically funny and equally asshole-ish friends, I would have given up dating years ago. Below is a quick email exchange from two of them that made me giggle.
***
From: CL
Sent: Tuesday, July, 7, 2010 5:00 PM
To: Gena; AS
Subject:
Just so you know, if he ever came over to our house, I would make a point to do everything, and I mean e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g slowly. Saying hello would not take the normal .5 seconds to say. I would stretch just that one tiny word "hello" out and make it 30 seconds long. Then I would go to shake his hand and that alone would take probably 11 minutes... just to get my hand up to his hand level. Once that's done, and I'm walking away - it would take a solid 45 minutes for me to walk from the door to the couch. He would wonder what the HELL was taking so long... and then I would explain (slowly of course) that I was moving at the pace that he moves. Think he'd finally get the effing picture?
***
From:, AS
Sent: Tuesday, July, 7, 2010 5:23 PM
To:, CL; Gena
Subject:
Please invite him over!!! I would probably roll on the floor laughing my ass off! Slowly, of course!
And probably pee as slowly as I could on myself from laughing so hard.
Maybe you could mention something about getting mixed signals from his bizarre behavior. Then list a few "for instances."
1) He rarely answers your calls.
2) He blows off dates for TV shows and video games!
3) Knock off the email and texting and talk. Oh wait. Is that after three weeks? Then in a month you can start group dating. Then a month after that you can go out alone. Oh my God, you are dating a 16 year old!
Basically, he needs to be clear. He says he wouldn't text (cough, cough) if he wasn't interested. But he's not interested enough to stop playing a computer game? I wouldn't text him any more.
Then I'd go to the mall and pick up some new clothes at the Rave.