THE BLOG

Is Boyfriend "Single" Online?

11/30/2010 04:07 pm ET | Updated Nov 17, 2011

Dear Dr. George:

For the past three months, I have been dating a wonderful man whom I met on a dating site. Fairly early into the relationship we agreed to be exclusive. However I learned recently that he is still very much active on this site. Confession: I created a fake online profile so I can check on him. I'm not proud of it and feel disheartened by it all.

To be fair I'm not sure if he has actually cheated on me, however I can't help but feel betrayed. Marketing oneself as "single" on a dating site is no different from picking up girls in a bar, no?

Am I being too sensitive? Should I confront him or play ignorant and pray that he will eventually ween off the site? Your thoughts are very much appreciated!

-- Lost Online

Dear Lost Online:

You say he's active on this dating site. How do you know for sure? Can you see him logging in or that he's been on that site recently? Did he contact someone whom you know? In any case, I think more investigation is needed. Maybe he simply forgot to take down his profile.

And when I say "investigate," I'm not recommending you continue this Nancy Drew misadventure. Simply ask him: "Are you still active on that dating site?"

Of course, you'll have to tell him that you were also on the same site spying on him (because you were), but I think this conversation will lead the two of you to a deeper connection. Or you'll come to realize he's not 100% committed to you. Either way, you'll have the facts you need to make a more informed decision about the future of the relationship.

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P.S. I encourage readers to offer their own second opinions. Scroll to bottom of the page to give Lost Online your comments.

It's tough out there in the real world. So many questions without good answers. My goal is to provide insight into life's more difficult dilemmas, offering sound clinical judgment mixed with a straight-from-the-hip attitude. Email me for free advice on any subject.

For those of you in the New York City area, I'm available for individual or couples counseling at my private practice. Call 646.807.8900, or click on link below for a free consultation. The Sachs Center (NYC): Specializing in ADD, ADHD, Anxiety and Depression in Children, Teens & Adults.

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