Onion Buys ABC News

The Onion has bought out ABC's news division. That was my first thought when I read this item:

Is Rachael Ray, the talk-show host... a terrorist sympathizer?

Dunkin' Donuts... abruptly yanked an ad in which Ray wears a scarf that resembles a keffiyeh... after conservative commentators became enraged by the ad and even threatened to boycott the company... The controversial ad... came under fire nearly two weeks ago when pro-Jewish blogger Pam Geller posted it under the headline "Rachel [sic] Ray: Dunkin Donuts Jihad Tool"

"Have you seen Rachel [sic] Ray wearing the icon of Yasser Arafatbastard and the bloody Islamic jihad," Geller wrote. "This is part of the cultural jihad."

Fox News commentator Michelle Malkin took up the cause last week, when she wrote on her Web site... "The keffiyeh, for the clueless, is the traditional scarf of Arab men that has come to symbolize murderous Palestinian jihad"...

The actual garment, says the item, was a "black-and-white silk scarf with a paisley design."

If this was not written at the Onion editorial offices, I'm supposed to understand that in the alternate universe of America, "pro-Jewish blogger" is the proper term for someone who engages in wild xenophobic rants against anything possibly or impossibly associated with another religion. I wouldn't have thought of that. I don't think most Jews would have thought of that.

I'm also to understand that terror has indeed conquered America:

terror , n. 1. intense, sharp, overmastering fear: to be frantic with fear

With terror victorious, not only does a school teaching Arabic become a madrassa which necessarily means it teaches Islamic extremism, as Daniel Pipes believes, but a paisley scarf is necessarily a keffiyeh, which is necessarily a sign that the person wearing it favors "murdering Jews," as the above mentioned "pro-Jewish blogger" asserts.

(Er, maybe this isn't an Onion item. Maybe its a Big Pharma ad for anti-anxiety meds. Good ad, actually.)

So Pipes, Michelle Malkin, Geller et al should pay attention: The words alcohol , algebra and algorism are all really Arabic. They are proof of a nefarious Islamic plot to destroy Western society. If the words "43% alcohol" appear on your whiskey bottle, it's proof that Al-Qaeda has taken over Scotland. if your children are told to study algebra, the school has become a madrassa. All computer programs are part of the cyberwar, because they use algorithms. Don't just be afraid, if you are a true patriot. Be terrified.

Related posts at South Jerusalem:

Update: Pipes harms cranks' image

Pipes Dreams

Hagee, McCain, Aipac: The Audacity of Cynicism

 

Comments

[AlanRockville]

Please don't insult THE ONION, it's a great newspaper. It would never have headlines that were as unfunny as this one.

My favorite Onion headline (so far):

BUSH MAKES SURPRISE APPEARNACE ... to work

[DickTater]

It's The Pee Yer Pants Platoon, back in action.
Afraid of everything, emptying their bladders all over themselves.

[JScott]

Oh and I think even the word 'mattress' is of arabic origin, but of course Michelle sleeps on a board.

[spiderbucket]

I ordered one on a MILITARY SURPLUS WESBITE. Cause our boys wear them too and we know how they sympathize with terrorists. Hey - I saw a video clip and one of the terrorists was wearing PANTS. Maybe we should ban pants too.

Anyway, when I get my terror scarf, I'm going to wear it to my local Duncan Doughnuts and go in and order a glass of water or something. Then I am gonna scream "Allah is great!" and pour it over my head.

[devildog21]

I would encourage all who read this to do as I have and contact Dunkin Donuts. I told them I was disgusted with their action by acknowledging these right wing nut jobs as being even remotely relevant. I, for one, will never set foot in another Dunkin Donuts store. If they were concerned about being boycotted by a few radical idiots, we should make them feel the pain of how the vast majority of Americans feel.

[ibsteve2u]

Me, I'm waiting for Disney/ABC to explain all of those Mickey Mouse cartoons where Mickey is wearing a checkered scarf...damned little terrorist rodent.

[joetalarico]

She looks pretty good in it. Maybe those conservative pervs are afraid they may have an evil thought.....oh, that's right, she's not an underage male. Disregard my comment.

[MsPeppy]

DUNKIN DONUTS, RACHEL RAY, LIONS AND TIGERS AND BEARS, OH MY!!!! MOMMY, I"M SCARED!!

[DrWippit]

This is insane. I know they say it gets worse before it gets better, but when somebody can point out anything on anybody and say "that's what all the terrorists and their sympathizers wear" and people just believe it without even thinking first, it's bad. I'm thinking this is the type of speech that's not covered by the 1st amendment, as it's clearly and specifically designed to incite, urge, counsel, and advocate hate crime. Can we get some folks to start acting on idiots like Malkin?!

[1will]

Lefties do tend to embrace the symbols of mass murderers and totalitarian regimes. I've seen pics of protests in San Francisco in which the crowd is wearing keffiyehs and of course there is the ever popular and trendy Che shirts. The little Mao gear is also a must for the discerning liberal out to prove he's bucking the system.

[Big0725]

Kinda like a cross for a righty, huh 1will? Untold milions have been murdered in the name of that cult, but most conservatives haven't a problem wearing it around the neck or on the lapel.

As for the Che shirt, I haven't seen one of those in 20 years, not to mention Mao gear. You need to update will!

[SlinkyTWF]

A friend bought me a Che shirt once when he was on a trip to Italy. When I washed it the first time, the dye ran and turned all my other white tee shirts pink. How's that for irony!

[Bozwellian]

..gee, were there not pictures of a couple of those that participated in 911 wearing POLO SHIRTS ? OH MY, what are we ever to do.....and khaki pants too....and nikes....oh gosh, guess its time for the USA to embrace nudity and be done with with it all the identifying symbolismaticals !!!

[munkii]

i have two keffiyehs that i got as gifts from my travels in the mideast - i'm currently in Egypt and i'll be wearing them as soon as i go back to Aussie, too bad we don't have too many right wing nuts there, i'd have loved to piss them off..

[MM5]

Would be just ridiculously funny if it weren't quite alarming that these few crazies got that ad pulled

[eggman]

The alarming part is that there are more than a few.

[SlinkyTWF]

I wonder if it was as high as 28%?

[ornovscot]

If this story did not touch upon the degrading of a civilized society, it would be rather funny.

I think the definition of a civilized society is one that includes and promotes tolerance of different cultures. But as it is, Rachel Ray appears to be wearing a plain, albeit attractive scarf, however delusional are those who perceive it as a keffiyeh, which, for the addled, necessarily represents nefarious schemes.

[Desiderata]

Keith Olbermann has the right idea. Boycott Dunkin Doenuts until the company apoligizes to the country for caving into the paranoia of a few.

I smell a Krispy Kreme revival.

[Jamesdean]

This is the end, beautiful friend
This is the end, my only friend
The end of ev'rything that stands
The end

The End, The Doors, 1967

[evekendall]

By caving, Dunkin Donuts just gives the crazies more power. Dunkin Donuts was worried that the right-wingers would stop buying their donuts if Michelle Malkin yelled loud enough. . . they should worry more about the left-wingers boycotting them because they caved to her. I will be staying away.

[JTyroler]

Well that explains the Jihadist Jelly Rolls and the total lack of any Danishes...

[PATina]

hahahahaha­hahahahaha­ha

[SlinkyTWF]

A truly piquant observation.

[dadw5boys]

Can't they keep that 900 year old war of theirs in the middle east?

We don't want it Please pack up your hate and go away.

[eggman]

But keep sending your oil our way, please.

[sowhatdemos]

But western culture is responsible for much of that hatred. They didn't want our meddling but that didn't stop Bozo from his glorious invasion.
How about we all start wearing a scarf? And who eats donuts anyway?