Last week my procrastination led me to conduct a classmate search on Facebook in which I noticed that a girl who had been my friend now had a "add as a friend" rectangle next to her face. "Add as a friend? But we already were..." And then it hit me, this chick had DE-FRIENDED ME! Sure, it happens all the time, but when it hits so close to home, well that's a different story. I mean, who the hell was she to cut-off cyber ties with me when she was the one who not only added me but took our virtual relationship a step further by also sending along a "how have you been" message? Perhaps she was sick of me linking to my awesome Huffington Post articles, or maybe she realized that our "friendship" would never go beyond an annual "Happy Birthday" wall post, or maybe, just maybe she doesn't (gasp!) like me.
I'm sure this isn't the first time someone has visited my page and clicked "remove friend" but it's one of the first times I noticed. For the most part, I try not to take social networking too personally (although it did hurt my feelings that I was not invited to your b-day bash). Hey, I wasn't friends with everyone at my High school when I was in High school, why do I expect to be now? Nonetheless, I couldn't help but wonder why this girl removed me. I almost wished there was one of those little explanation boxes that pops up when you remove a friend sort of like they have when you unsubscribe from a mailing list and it says "we hate to see you go, do you mind telling us why?"
Removing friends happens all the time. It's the easiest, least confrontational way to tell someone you're just not that into them. This new way of telling people how you feel, without saying anything at all has become so important-ish that the New Oxford American Dictionary named "unfriend" its 2009 Word of the Year. Am I the only one who finds this amazingly weird?
Personally I have a strict zero bullshit policy on Facebook; if someone pushes my buttons, I simply push the delete button. For example I recently posted that I'm moving and my room in my soon-to-be old apartment is available if anyone was interested. Apparently this was a faux paux to one idiot who acted like the Facebook police and commented "No, we don't want your apartment. Um this would be more appropriate on Craigslist." Really person I hardly know? Me posting a sweet apartment deal to my network is inappropriate but people posting a play-by-play of their grandmothers death (seriously, someone did this. Please, get off the Internet and go spend these last few moments with your grandma) is totally okay. Rather than comment back to this moron, I just removed him. I use my page to share info about my shows, share news (like about an open apartment) and share an occasional silly thought, not to publicly argue with people I have no vested interest in, I'd rather just delete you.
Status policing is just one of the many reasons to de-friend someone. I asked my Facebook friends to share their de-friending stories with me and these were the top reasons people remove people as "friends":
Follow Giulia Rozzi on Twitter: www.twitter.com/giulia rozzi
Steph Thompson: Status Update: Can You Save Me?
Kira Sabin: Don't Let Technology Ruin a New Relationship
Marjorie Hope Rothstein: Word of the Year: What's Your Mantra for 2011?
Welcome to Facebook! | Facebook
Facebook - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Facebook, Inc. News - The New York Times
Is Facebook a Brand that You Can Trust?
With the click of a mouse, the cool kids let you know you're not welcome at their table.
Why I'm Unfriending My Husband on Facebook:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lisa-earle-mcleod/why-im-un-friending-my-hu_b_185773.html
There are strangers, people I don't know at all, famous people, etc. (online or offline)
GREAT amount of these.
There are people who I associate with loosely (co-workers, people I volunteer with, etc)
GOOD amount of these.
There are people who I call friend.
A FEW of these.
There are people whom I call a good friend or "inner circle" and there are
VERY, VERY FEW of these.
There is only 1 person in this World who knows me completely as I am, my wife. She has seen all sides of me and knows me better than my own biological family does.
For me, I use facebook to keep in contact with people whom I actually know well....in person. It did occurr to me that people use facebook with strangers or people whom they just met on a whim. As a result, I formed a second facebook account, for those people whom I don't know well and ask me "are you on facebook?". Usually, these people just want to get to know me a little better and see my photos before they make a commitment to see me again in person and/or continue an online relationship.
I never tell these people that I'm giving them my second facebook account. It's my way of being polite and I only check it for messages. It works for me, because I don't have a close relationship with these people and they are not privy to personal info and friends through my main Facebook account.
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This method works for me and I think it's a great solution to the 'friending'/'un-friending' predicaments.
Add this to the list to the reasons for unfriending.
Totally.
Annoying.
I also don't run Mac OS X or Windows for the very same reasons too.
there's more to life than this!
it really does get annoying to be bully pulpit-ed all the time!
Dr. Dave Hale
The Internet Marketing Professor
I have no virtual friends and like it that way. But each day, the friend seeking zombies of the internet, find their way to my email. Subj. So and so who has no life wants to be your friend. Please respond. Unsolicited friends, I can do with out. So I click delete a lot.
OK, whatever....
PC police!
It cracked me up......in a weird way.....funny that it is a "reason" for getting unfriended.....people will never fail to amaze me.