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What's the Key to the Gay Rights Movement? Straight Liberation.

Posted: 04/12/10 01:30 AM ET

I've been hit with deadline after deadline, so it was only today that I could respond to this article on Gawker, "Marc Jacobs Is the Best Thing Ever to Happen for Gay Liberation." The thrust of the article is that convincing straight people to love the more flamboyant and outlandish elements of the gay community is essential for the gay rights movement. Agreed. But then comes this paragraph, replete with that tired "we are not like them" canard that (some) gays continue to perpetuate:

The great sham of the gay movement is that it is trying to convince the hetero society that we are just like them. Sure, there are many gay men and women living boring lives in the suburbs trying to raise some babies, but still, we are not like them. We will never be like them, and trying to hide it is only going to make them suspect us and hate us even more. So, instead of putting on a stuffed suit, let's all grab one of Jacobs' skirts and head out on the town. When the world gets used to the faggiest of the tribe, getting them to vote for the rights of Uncle Boyd down the street is going to be a snap.

That paragraph presupposes that people like this Uncle Boyd character are the norm in heteroville. Uncle Boyd is an artificial construct, much like the Cleavers in Leave It To Beaver. Back in the 1950's and 1960's, life was more like the world portrayed in Mad Men. You know what I think? Ward Cleaver was probably attempting to emulate Don Draper at any chance he was away from the missus (but most likely with less success) while June Cleaver was home popping barbiturates. Wally Cleaver was kind of a pimp, so he probably convinced a couple of girls to blow him under the bleachers during homecoming.

See, the great sham is that hetero society is still in denial that they are fundamentally every bit as outlandish and ridiculous and hormonal as the "faggiest of the tribe." Take one look at any magazine stand nowadays and you'll see that hooch-zilla Bombshell McGee, you know, the one who had the affair with Sandra Bullock's hubby, a man who is 51 years old and still likes running around doing wheelies on tricycles. What about Tiger Woods and his jizz-covered cell phone? What about former president Bill Clinton and his cigar a la creme? What about the germ-ridden casts of any given MTV reality show? Or any given rap video? If straight people were to suddenly turn into a sea of Uncle Boyds, the entire media and entertainment industry would collapse, no one would go to Mardi Gras, and people would suddenly remember that St. Patrick's day is a Catholic holiday and they would head to church instead of the pub.

This is not to say that every straight person is an uncontrollable pill popping lothario. I'm sure that most straight people - like most gays and lesbians - would not live a Girls/Boys Gone Wild lifestyle even if given unlimited sums of money and freedom. It's simply too tiresome to keep that up. But every person - gay and straight - has a little bit of "gone wild" in them. Every person wants to buck squeaky clean middle class social conventions from time to time. Otherwise films like Office Space and Old School wouldn't exist. Humans are animals too, and animals don't like to be kept in cages or cubicles. Every so often, the animal must come out.

But when it comes to bucking "nice" middle class social conventions, gay people have a pass. When a gay man who wears a suit on the weekdays puts on a skirt and dances with glow sticks to house music as go go boys writhe on the bar on the weekends, straight people think it's normal. "Ohhhh... he's gay," they say. Of course, this stems from the idea that gays exist outside of the norm and are weirdos, but this prejudice does lead to the unintentional result of gays being able to express themselves more freely than straights in certain limited situations.

Sometimes, straight people are more likely to be subjected to public flogging when they are caught doing something deemed unsavory by the populace. When Paul Reubens a/k/a Pee Wee Herman was caught jacking off to a showing of Nancy Nurse in an adult theater, all hell broke loose, even though no one was harmed. Before George Michael came out, he was arrested in a Los Angeles public bathroom for engaging in a lewd act with an undercover cop, and the media went wild. But ever since he came out, he has admitted that he does cruise for anonymous sex and that his partner is ok with it, and no one even bats an eye. Shouldn't straight people have this freedom too?

Listen, straight people. Learn to accept and love yourselves. You are just as expressive and whimsical and fun loving as gay people. You, just like gay people, sometimes have the desire to do socially unacceptable things. Of course, socially unacceptable does not always mean harmful, so we are all for straight people being allowed to do unharmful socially unacceptable things. (But quit it with the harmful things. We're looking at you, Tiger Woods. Go team Elin!) We're not going to judge you; we'll simply just look away and say, "Oh, those darn straight people..."

The sooner you learn to accept and love yourselves - every wild, filthy, and convention-busting part of yourselves - the more you will realize that you are just like us, and that we are just like you. (And to you gay people who insist that straight people are not like us - you simply just don't know that many straight people.)

So, let's hear it! Straight liberation now!

 

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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Beka13
Soylent green is made of...
09:22 AM on 04/13/2010
Neuters need to come to terms with sexuality period. Like the Catholic church blaming homosexuals for its pedophila problem NOT its celibacy edict or coddling Peds policy...Or all those Republicans spewing hate only to be found out that they are actually gay....or even the straight ones talking all about family values only to be found with hookers...Our puritanical American culture has lead to this Neuter Over-Culture where they cannot even handle dealing with straight sex being pleasureable....How are they going to come to terms with Exotic sex for pleasure only?
01:44 AM on 04/13/2010
I like your take on this. Good piece.
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LMPE
I connect the most dissimilar things
11:36 PM on 04/12/2010
Popping barbiturates? Could be. That's what the Rolling Stones' song "Mother's Little Helper" was all about.
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BlackJAC
It's better to be a black king than a white knight
09:07 PM on 04/12/2010
We're here! We're breeders! Get used to it! :)
08:31 PM on 04/12/2010
Greeks had the right idea with an occasional bacchanal, drunken debauchery, with no guilt afterwards. It keeps the cage or cubicle from getting too comfortable.
A club in Minneapolis with a pansexual clientelle has Bondage A-Go-Go Night, every Thursday....their most popular night.

"it's only kinky....the first time"
04:52 PM on 04/12/2010
The great sham of this article is that it is trying to convince the reader that they are just like Grace Chu.

The crossing of the Public/Private barrier in regards to sexual display and sexual behaviour is hardly the sole domain of homosexuals, to the extent that I would bet every mechanism for "taking it to the streets" that gays employ today are merely a copy of what straights have done before - and in other cultures and times. Making this article an exercise in anachronistic reminiscence.

What this article sells is a baseless accusation that living in the burbs = boring. But what I find more sinister is the inability to extricate consumption and politics from the fact of human sexuality. You don't have to be gay to consume products and services like the urban homo - but at the same time I don't see anyone recruiting political activists from the ranks of the metrosexuals.

Hormonally linked sexual arousal does NOT determine charging skirts, glowsticks and excessive amounts of alcohol to your credit card. So much sexual assault occurs under the influence of alcohol that I won't be standing on your street corner with a sign saying "Love yourselves - every wild, filthy, and convention-busting part of yourselves". There's a reason why people set controls on these kind of behaviours.
06:51 PM on 04/12/2010
"There's a reason why people set controls on these kind of behaviours."

I think you hit the nail on the head, but without realizing it. If you go to a gay club or circuit event, security will check your ID, and search for drugs. At a straight event they search for hand guns and knives. Straight security spends its time breaking up fights and expelling offenders. Security at gay events are totally bored. Gay events seldom have dress codes. Straights are screened to prevent gang members from showing their "colors" When have you heard of gay gang members? Sexual assault a gay club? Not so much. When was the last time gays in the military were involved in sexual assault? Straight culture is about "macho" and "dominance". And then there is the whole straight girl "I want you to look, but you can't touch" hypocracy.

Gays don't have to set controls to avoid straight "behaviors".
10:17 AM on 04/12/2010
Good article. Straight men are indeed in a straight jacket, at least in the US. But even on a more mundane level. For instance, aside from ethnic dancing and handshakes, a lot of non-sexual touch among men is taboo. As a straight man, I ran into this some years ago. I was at an outdoor concert and a friend from Bangladesh grabbed onto my hand so as not to lose me in the crowd. The first thought I had was "are people going to think we're gay?" My reaction still bothers me but I know I was reacting to the hyper-homophobia (as opposed to reasonable homophobia?? oh well...) I grew up with here. Clearly my Bangladeshi friend had no problem with it.
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01:00 PM on 04/12/2010
"Clearly my Bangladeshi friend had no problem with it."

I'm afraid it's mostly because gay people are "invisible" in Bangladesh because of homophobia and persecution, so hand-holding probably isn't associated with homosexuality in Bangladesh. It's highly likely that your Bangladeshi friend is more homophobic than you - despite your knee-jerk reaction.
02:28 PM on 04/12/2010
Interesting paradox. If that's true, it means that even though Bangladesh might be a more homophobic culture, it's less rigid in terms of what it considers hetero behavior.
06:50 AM on 04/12/2010
When I was a young man I chased women, took drugs in moderation, drank in moderation, smoked cigarettes to exess and partied whenever the oportunity arose. When I got a little older not so much.
Living in a beach town with a large GLB community I had the opportunity to compare my life style with many of my neighbors of that sexual persuassion. What I saw was: young folks partied down and older folks not so much. Granted seeing a fortysomthing guy in a slinkey dress and heels wabling down the street might grab the eye and imagination but I can count those sightings on my fingers.
Folks are folks. Rub elbows long enough and we just get used to each other.
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vim876
03:42 AM on 04/12/2010
I think the unspoken issue here is misogyny. I can wear a skirt and dance with glo-sticks on the weekend, but if my brother did it, he's be ostracized into oblivion. A gay man can do this for the same reason I can; the patriarchy has deemed us secondary to heterosexual cisgender men, and thus they must be held to a strict standard of traditional masculinity. The real reason all these people are so afraid of gay marriage is that it does destroy their view of the traditional family, based as it is on rigid gender roles. If two chicks get married, the wife might see them and realize she doesn't need Mr. Bigot telling her what to do, because those lesbian ladies seem to get along just fine, thankyouverymuch. If two dudes get married, Mr. Bigot doesn't understand how it works (and I'm not talking about in bed), because he can't understand the point of marriage if there's no oppressor and oppressee. Gay men also need to be put down because flamboyant gay men also show straight men what's missing from traditional masculinity. This is what they mean about it being contagious. Traditional masculinity isn't nearly as much fun as flamboyance. But yeah, basically right on.

PS: I apologize if this is a bit incoherent. Insomnia loves company.
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07:14 AM on 04/12/2010
No, it's not misogyny. Just read this article:

Wearing catwalk clothes in the suburbs
http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/fashion/article6863887.ece

Even when a man attempted to wear something explicitly masculine (a codpiece), the result was the same.

The idea of "patriarchy" doesn't make sense, anyway. When a man - with all his power - cannot wear a skirt or marry another man, what kind of power is that? It can be considered "patriarchy" only when you view all men as a faceless, monolithic mass of people. Otherwise, it's just an issue of strict gender norms, and every man is an "oppressee".
02:52 AM on 04/12/2010
I enjoyed reading the article, but in reality, what will further acceptance and equality for LGBT people is a variety of factors...including yes, straight people owning their "inner freak" a bit, and becoming more exposed to/more familar with/less threatened by the varied lifestyles lived by LGBT people...

I know some gay people who are married to their partner, have children, and are as settled (in bed by 11pm, etc.) as ANY straight couple, and, ahem, I know some gay men who keep the party going until last call (and beyond) on a regular basis...just like some straight people do....And you know what?...whether one is a gay parent, or a gay party queen, we ALL deserve equal protection and recognition under the law.

I realize this article is somewhat tongue-in-cheek, but what will actually most advance the cause of gay rights is to call out religious bigotry, fundamentalism, and extremism at every instance and opportunity...so much of the hatred directed at gays is misguidedly validated by some biblical cherry picking and/or brainwashed response to the "God question"...naming religious-based discrimination as the insanity it truly is / is where the real progress lies...If more straight people openly and loudly denounced the American Taliban, right wing KKKristians, and other Bible (and Koran, and Talmud) thumpers, we would all be more free to express ourselves, and get about the business of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, etc...
01:42 AM on 04/12/2010
Amen sister!