04/24/2009 07:30 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Rush Limbaugh Reviews His Netflix Queue

2 Stars

Let me tell you about Cloverfield. For one, the camera shakes the whole time, which is, as you know, punishing to anyone who rents the damn thing. Made me sick. It literally made me sick and I had to turn it off for a bit so that I could... escape. The plot... let me get this straight: A bunch of monsters attack New York City. That part I like. That part I love. The liberal capital of the world - a city I visit as little as I can get away with - is demolished by a bunch of giant lizards that you hardly get to see. Giant lizards that I found myself rooting for. Look, let me put it to you this way: The United States of America is under assault, and it's always been under assault, but when a post-9/11 New York City is assaulted like the liberals attacked justice Clarence Thomas or judge Robert Bork, I couldn't help myself from doubling over in laughter. Blair Witch comparisons will be made for the obvious reasons.

The Express
1 Star

This is the true story of the first black man to win the Heisman Trophy. Ernie Davis, and this was in 1961, played for Syracuse University and this is a time as I'm sure you all remember, this was back during segregation. So Syracuse beats the University of Texas in the Cotton Bowl, Davis is given the Heisman Trophy, and who do you think goes out of his way to shake this player's hands? JFK. John F. Kennedy, the conservative-crushing, union-forming, tea drinking Democrat, congratulates Ernie Davis. "Well done, football player," I'm sure it went. "I'll take my eyes off of Cuba and Castro so I can congratulate you for being a really fast runner." Ridiculous. I cannot tell you how this makes my blood boil. This was way back when, back before when football didn't look like it does today, like a game between the Bloods and the Crips without any weapons. This was before the liberal media drooled all over itself when black quarterbacks like Donovan McNabb started succeeding... before McNabb and black coaches were given the red carpet treatment out to the AstroTurf... But let's just say that Ernie Davis got a lot more credit for the performance of that Syracuse team than he really deserved... The one star is for the actor Dennis Quaid. Dennis Quaid is a favorite actor of mine. If the liberals got their way and forced every one of us, by law, to be in a committed gay marriage... I would ask for the actor, Dennis Quaid.

Requiem for a Dream
5 stars

It's been over a month since I've watched this movie, and it just made, well, a lot of sense to me. It resonated. This movie... this film... is about what dru... it's about addict... it's about real life. The Hollywood elite should finally, and I say finally, take a bow. A truly fine masterpiece of what really goes on at someone's home. Wasn't Jennifer Connelly in The Hot Spot?

The Visitor
1.5 stars

Let me give you the story, the plot of The Visitor: A man comes home to his rarely used NYC apartment to find two illegal immigrants squatting there. Trespassing. Using his electricity, his bed, his... they're using everything this man owns in the apartment. Bathing in his bathtub, you got me? And what does this guy do? He... let's... them... stay. He walks into his apartment where there are two potentially dangerous persons LIVING in his home, and he let's them stay. They all become friends, ladies and gentlemen. I should say that he's a college professor, the type who drives a car from Sweden and pisses on the Stars & Stripes with every lie he teaches your sons and daughters at his Ivy college. And when the foreign squatter guy (the guy is from Syria and his girlfriend is from Senegal or some such place, I don't care) is arrested in a subway station for jumping the turnstile, he's taken to a detention center for illegal immigrants. Because HE IS ILLEGAL! That's what happens, you get deported! The American professor here, Walter, fights for the release of the freeloader who, although it was not mentioned, who probably received food stamps, welfare, and other government goodies from the United States. Your tax dollars. Let me just say this to the illegal immigrants out there, if you're listening, what I would have said if I came home to find two parasitic foreigners with their feet up on my furniture: GET OUT. Get out now! Invest in this country or get out. If you can't invest in America the amount of 40,000 times a daily minimum wage, then you can get the hell out. And stay out. If you came here illegally, you will be arrested. And I'll tell you what else, I will not play the bongo drums with you.

0 stars

Two words: Bull. Shit.