When you attend a wedding at church, what passages of Scripture do you expect to hear? Congregations occasionally invite me to speak on the current same-sex marriage debates, and I ask them this question. Their answers are remarkably consistent.
Someone invariably mentions 1 Corinthians 13, the famous "Love Chapter." Love is patient, love is kind, love never insists on its own way and so forth. Wonderful advice for marriage, but Paul was not talking about marriage. He was addressing a church fight: the believers in Corinth had split into factions and were competing for prestige and influence. We see echoes of this conflict throughout the letter, but especially in chapters 12 and 14, which surround this passage.
Others call out, "Where you go, I will go; where you lodge, I will lodge; your people shall be my people, and your God my God" (Ruth 1:16; NRSV). Another moving passage, but it's certainly not about marriage. Ruth addresses this moving speech to her mother-in-law Naomi.
The second creation story in Genesis comes up: "Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and clings to his wife, and they become one flesh" (Genisis 2:24). This passage is certainly appropriate to marriage, as it reflects the level of intimacy and commitment that distinguishes marriage from other relationships. Jesus quotes this passage, too, but he isn't exactly discussing marriage. Instead, his topic is divorce (Matthew 19:5; Mark 10:8). When ministers read the Gospel passages at weddings, as they often do, the message seems a little off. I'd rather not hear about divorce at a wedding.
One other passage frequently surfaces in weddings but rarely in mainline Protestant churches, the Lutheran, Presbyterian, Methodists and United Church of Christ congregations that invite me to speak. Ephesians 5:22-33 commands wives to obey their husbands and husbands to love their wives. Conservative Christians may try to explain away the offense of this passage, but there's no escaping its ugly reality. Ephesians calls wives to submit to their husbands just as children must obey their parents and slaves must obey their masters. See the larger context, Ephesians 5:21-6:9.
Not a Lot to Say
The point is, Christian weddings rarely feature passages that directly relate to marriage. Only one passage, Genesis 2:24, seems especially relevant, while other passages require us to bend their content to our desire to hear a good word about marriage. Things are so bad that the worship books for many denominations turn to John 2:1-11, where Jesus turns water into wine at a wedding feast, to claim that Jesus blessed marriage. My church, the United Church of Christ, has developed a new wedding liturgy, but it retains this common formula: "As this couple give themselves to each other today, we remember that at Cana in Galilee our Savior Jesus Christ made the wedding feast a sign of God's reign of love."
So we know Jesus blessed marriage because he attended a wedding? That's the best we can do? No wonder it's common for couples to struggle over the choice of Scripture for their wedding ceremonies. The Bible just doesn't have much to say on the topic.
Let's Be Honest
Unfortunately, many Christians use the Bible to support their own prejudices and bigotry. They talk about "biblical family values" as if the Bible had a clear message on marriage and sexuality. Let's be clear: There's no such thing as "biblical family values" because the Bible does not speak to the topic clearly and consistently.
It's high time people came clean about how we use the Bible. When Christians try to resolve difficult ethical and theological matters, they typically appeal to the Gospels and Paul's letters as keys to the question. But what about marriage? Not only did Jesus choose not to marry, he encouraged his disciples to abandon household and domestic concerns in order to follow him (Matthew 19:29; Mark 10:28-30; Luke 9:57-62). He even refers to those "who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven" (Matthew 19:10-13). Whatever that means, it's certainly not an endorsement of marriage. Paul likewise encourages male believers: "Do not seek a wife" (1 Corinthians 7:27, my translation) -- advice Paul took for himself. If neither Jesus nor Paul preferred marriage for their followers, why do some Christians maintain that the Bible enshrines 19th-century Victorian family values?
Let's not even go into some of the Bible's most chilling teachings regarding marriage, such as a man's obligation to keep a new wife who displeases him on the wedding night (Deuteronomy 22:13-21), his obligation to marry a woman he has raped (Deuteronomy 22:28-30) or the unquestioned right of heroes like Abraham to exploit their slaves sexually. I wonder: Have the "biblical family values advocates" actually read their Bibles?
Christians will always turn to the Bible for guidance -- and we should. If the Bible does not promote a clear or redemptive teaching about slavery, that doesn't mean we have nothing to learn from Scripture about the topic. The same values that guide all our relationships apply to marriage: unselfish concern for the other; honesty, integrity and fidelity; and sacrificial -- but not victimized -- love. That's a high standard, far higher than a morality determined by anachronistic and restrictive rules that largely reflect our cultural biases. Rules make up the lowest common denominator for morality. Love, as Paul said, never finds an end.
Follow Greg Carey on Twitter: www.twitter.com/GregC666
Christian Marriage - What Does the Bible Say About Christian Marriage?
'Unprotected Texts': The Bible On Sex And Marriage : NPR
What Would Jesus Say About Gay Marriage? by Jack Miles- Beliefnet.com
detroitblkmale30
Really liked your comments on 7/12/11
agree re 2Tim 4 totally
Old Testament. (If you really want to study for yourself)
But many people who "study" Scripture have not done so by praying, sincerely, first and asking The Holy Spirit for understanding.
On the Gifts of the Spirit specifically "praying in Tongues" aka "praying in The Spirit," because of church regulations made by men not God, they decided that The Gifts of The Holy Spirit were only applicable to the early Church. After the Reformation Baptists and Methodists did have the gifts of The Spirit Catholics who do are known as Charismatics. Praying in the Spirit or Tongues is the Language of the Kingdom of God. Satan cannot intrude upon it. You are talking directly to God and He responds into your Spirit and you converse after a while just as you would in any language because you respond back to what He communs. He can prepare you and you pray for things you do not even know you need to pray about through this wonderful gift.
Seducing Spirits are leading people into Hypocrisy and doctrines of devils. Taking Scripture out of context to misuse it, anyone can do that to support a fallacy. But I would not want to be one at
judgement. Those who self-righteously are using God's Word to justify what God calls an abomination. Well, sadly, and it pains God, its their choice to lose their soul and spirit. Man has the free will to make a conscious choice to cry out to God for mercy and forgiveness so that he may commune with God, led to Christ for Salvation or not. We are to seek first the Kingdom of God not our own carnal gratification.
If you read the comments, its your fathers office neighbor posting here.
Great article, I have often wondered the same, and I take umbrage at mainstream Christianity claiming things like "traditional family values' in the gay marriage debate. I also dislike what you rightly point out as an almost idolizing of marriage as if its some kind of hyper God sanctified thing, oh yes it IS a Biblical direction relationships between the genders are recommended to go, but, we have built the spiritual equivalent of an industry around it.
I chose to focus this way on the article, not seeing it as a call to arms for both sides in the same pedestrian same sex marriage debate
Follow me on Twitter as @TheBedKeeper, follow me, and I'll send a link to a free online book that tells all about it. Good stuff for gays....and from the Bible....who knew!?!?! PEACE!
We are all created in God's image I agree with that, but I dont see anything but prohibition in Leviticus, Romans and Timothy for same sex acts.
No sorry 1 Tim 4:1-2 speaks of fulfilling lusts in watys not approved by God not supporting it.
What you say does remind me of a Timothy passage
2 Timothy 4:3
For the time will come when they will not endure the sound doctrine; but, having itching ears, will heap to themselves teachers after their own lusts;
4 and will turn away their ears from the truth, and turn aside unto fables.
In 1 Corinthians 7:8-9, having just ordained hetero marriage, Paul says, "But to the unmarried people (eunuchs) and widows I say they SHOULD marry, for it is better to marry than to be tortured with ungratified desire."
Paul refers to God's prophecy to eunuchs (Isaiah 56) and widows (Isaiah 54). He makes the same exemption from heterosexual marriage that Jesus Himself made. Paul tells them they should marry. Paul would not contradict Jesus' statement that they should not marry heterosexually. Paul was ordaining marriage for the people for whom Jesus said could not marry heterosexually.
The passage is 1 Tim 4:1-3, The Holy Spirit declares that in the last days, some will turn away from the faith, giving attention to seducing spirits and doctrines that demons teach, through the hypocrisy and pretense of liars whose consciences are seared....
who forbid people to marry.
Who's forbidding people to marry? Fake Christians who quote Scripture to support political agendas instead of defining truth. Who's being forbade to marry in the last days, through hypocrisy and pretense? Gay folks.
Col 3:19 Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.
If the Husband loves God and is obedient to him in love,and the wife feels the same,why wouldn't the wife obey the husband in all things lawful ?
John 16:13 Howbeit when he, the Spirit of truth [the Holy Spirit], is come, he will guide you into all truth: ........
You, and others like you, are relying on faulty intelligence [carnal thinking]. Your mind can't begin to comprehend the things of God, because you are operating in a fog of ignorance.
1Cor 2:12 Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the spirit which is of God; that we might know the things that are freely given to us of God.
1Cor 2:13 Which things also we speak, not in the words which man's wisdom teacheth, but which the Holy Ghost teacheth; comparing spiritual things with spiritual.
1Cor 2:14 But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.
1Cor 2:15 But he that is spiritual judgeth all things, yet he himself is judged of no man.
1Cor 2:16 For who hath known the mind of the Lord, that he may instruct him? But we have the mind of Christ.
Look at verse 14. That describes you.
here are some more Eph 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
Eph 5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
Eph 5:24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
Eph 5:26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
Eph 5:27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
Eph 5:28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
Eph 5:29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
Eph 5:30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
Eph 5:31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
Eph 5:32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
I think it's hilarious that heterosexual Christian husbands and wives have to be told over-and-over in Paul's epistles to...Love each other.
I've been with my same-sex partner over thirteen years and have never have to be reminded by anyone to love each other. He's my best friend.
Too bad you Christians have such intimacy problems.
--ez
Mat 5:44 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;
Mat 5:45 That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.
Mat 5:46 For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same?
Mat 5:47 And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so?
Mat 5:48 Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.
Don't you hate him at least three times a day,once a day even ? Come on..fess up.
I hate hubby sometimes, but love him always.
Oops. Sorry for messing your name up. ..
So, basically, the author HAS studied religion and The Bible and teaches courses in same. So I guess he really IS a scholar and a historian...!
Greg Carey is Professor of New Testament at Lancaster Theological Seminary (PA). His most recent book, Sinners: Jesus and His Earliest Followers, pursues the role of transgression in early Christian identity. His research interests include apocalyptic literature, the Gospel of Luke, and literary and rhetorical interpretation of the New Testament, and he has appeared on the BBC, Discovery Channel, and National Geographic Channel. Greg lives in Lancaster, Pennsylvania, with his two daughters, where he actively volunteers in the local United Way. He is a native Alabamian and a graduate of Rhodes College, the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, and Vanderbilt University (PhD, 1996). He enjoys golf, tennis, hiking, and crying over the Atlanta Braves. A layperson, Greg serves as Scholar in Residence at Lancaster’s Evangelical Church of the Holy Trinity.
too bad all the Christians are out hard core in the comments section hahaha
Furthermore, the scriptural regulation of some of customs that the people had already (Judges 17:6) were regulated but these were temporary arrangements as God's purpose progressively unfolded (Mt 19:7,8)
Finally, that "ugly reality" to which you refer was, again, for the protection of women. At the same time a woman was being told to be "submissive" to her husband, the husband was being told to "love" his wife. Was this the "ugliness" to which you referred? If only a man would love his wife--that love would make all the difference. A husband was responsible before God (and everyone else) for the care, well being and safety of his wife (1Pe 3:7). Ought she to make that responsibility into a burden for him by arguing with him at every opportunity? That seems to be the New American Way but what's the divorce rate here, again?
A marriage of equals cannot work any more than a corporation can have 2 CEOs. Only in the submission of one can marriage work and only with with the linchpin of marriage firmly in-place can humanity continue to exist (Mt 24:22). I certainly hope you don't identifying yourself as a Christian because, clearly, you haven't the slightest idea what that means.
riddle me this:
1. what does the bible say about judging others? the bible my say once that "gay" unions (as you are trying to imply) are "obscene" but it says a gazillion times that you shouldn't judge others.
2. i, a female, work for a corporation to earn a paycheck. does that mean i sold my soul?
3. i actually agree with you that the demoralization and objectification of women has lead to a horrible reality in this country. and it has much effect to do with the divorce rate. but i also think that marriage used to never end in divorce because everyone was dead by 40. it is alot easier to remain faithful for 20 years than it is for 60 years. shoot, 100 years ago a man would die by 50 for sure. today, at 50, a man is going through a midlife crisis....he wants to feel young and attractive....as he knows that window is slamming shut quickly. and at the same time, his wife is going through menopause, causing her to feel completely unsexual and unappreciated for years of servitude. those are two factors that i think also contribute to divorce skyrocketing.
2) Not necessarily-but you have the option which was not available to women of times past. Can you go to work without leaving home? Would you leave your job for your family if circumstances required or permitted? The answer to *that* question is equal to the answer to "did *you* sell *your* soul?".
3) The picture of marriage is larger than need be and greatly complicated by the human tendency toward error. Your assessment that "everyone would be dead by 40" is inaccurate. While it is true that life expectancy was lower in the past, life expectancy is a statistic that is greatly influenced by infant mortality. People lived to 70 or 80 years and, as suggested by Ps 90:10, it wasn't all that uncommon. It seems they just weren't interested in keeping a running average. Most of the increase in life expectancy is attributable to advances in hygiene and medicine that have greatly slowed the death rate but--with some notable exceptions--we still tend to check out by about 80.
The problem is, if you are not led by the Spirit of God, then you will come up with all of these silly ideas. The True Christian, sees things the way God sees them, because they have the mind of Christ. 1Cor 2:16 For who hath known the mind of the Lord, that he may instruct him? But we have the mind of Christ. It doesn't matter if a person is a professor of a seminary, without the leading of the Holy Spirit, he might as well be nothing.