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AN OPEN LETTER ON LETTER OPENERS

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First, I would like to apologize for being away for two weeks. I've been back in the gym - concentrating mainly on my pecs, lats and quads. I call them the "big three," because they are big, and there are three of them. I would be happy to send you pictures.

Anyway, in between sets, I read of the recent revelations about Richard Armitage, and it made me think of the good old days at the Huffington Post: you know, when bloggers obsessively cheerleaded a lynch mob of like-minded finger-sniffers into believing that the Bu$h administration had conspired to "out" Valerie Plame. Even now, I doubt any of you can name a single issue in these dangerous times you took more seriously than Plame - a pretty hilarious thing considering jihadists around the world are trying to kill you.

But now, with the sad news that you are completely wrong - there's not a peep on the Post.

Yes, the Post is peepless.

I think it's because nobody here knows how to apologize. Which is why I'm here to help. Just choose any of the choices to fill in the blanks on the following open letter, post it, and you'll feel like a million bucks (minus 75 percent for death taxes)!

Hello. My name is ________________
(David Corn/Jane Hamsher/ Arianna).

I write for the Huffington Post. I churned out __________
(five/ten/one hundred)

thousand words assuming guilt on the part of

_________
(Scooter/Cheney/Bush/Rove/Haliburton) .

Now it looks like I'm ___________
(stupid/wrong/pregnant).

Please forgive me. I will try not to allow my obsessive hatred for George Bush to enhance an already irrational vulnerability to ___________
(conspiracy theories/mob mentality/eating frosting out of a can)

Regards,

____________
(Arianna/David/Jane/)