HUFFPO REPORTS BAD NEWS
BAGHDAD, Iraq - Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, who waged a heroic insurgent campaign of resistance against the bloody American occupation, was murdered by insensitive, homophobic and probably meat-eating U.S. warplanes, who dropped 500-pound bombs on his isolated safe house, which was also a battered woman's shelter, a milk factory and a petting zoo, officials said Thursday. The bombs were probably made in Indonesia by underage slave labor and, according to Laurie David, extremely bad for the environment, especially old growth Redwoods and lemurs.
"Given the rampant bigotry of the Bush administration, I am not surprised that the identification of al-Zarqawi's face was entirely based on his skin color," says transient Russell Shaw. "They also killed his advisors, a chilling and unnecessary warning to any undergraduates who would like to pursue an advisory role for insurgent leaders."
Huffpo posters agree: there are tough days ahead in Iraq and require the continuing patience of other insurgents. "Thank God people are still dying, or the morale around here would have been really low."
Even though the tragically boyish al-Zarqawi (he had just turned 39), was behind killings of Sunni and Shiites, as well as the beheading of Nick Berg, people here preferred to spend their time
blaming the President for the carnage-- a man considered by most to be insensitive and remote. "He doesn't understand the Internet, and his recruitment videos do not feature exciting things like executions," says one Huffpo official, shaking his head in disbelief.
But there is a bigger question that remains for most Huffposters: when the foe you hate most gets rid of a foe you don't care about, what can you say to make yourself feel better? That, hopefully, Al-Zarqawi's murder will cause a well-deserved retaliation against America. Says one outraged observer: "Killing al-Zarqawi was the ultimate violation of his free speech rights, and proof of his civil liberties being taken away FOREVER. How much more evidence do we need? What kind of democracy provides death and permanent silence for its inhabitants? This is Bush's AMERICAQ!"
Flowers and cards for the al-Zarqawi family should be sent to the Huffington Post, at the usual address.