In my last four posts, i informed all of you about an Investment Opportunity, called ANDYGUT: otherwise known as "The internet for people who don't have computers." Again, THE CONCEPT: if someone would like to use the internet to find information, say, on building a fence gate, but they don't have a computer, they could simply go to one of the ANDYGUT kiosks and fill out a slip of paper, and we would do the research. We would then make a copy of the results, with hole punches, and place it in a binder. This would cost the consumer a modest price depending on the size of the attractive and versatile binder. It would probably cost no more than $275 per search.
ATT: NAME CHANGE
MIKE H commented on the previous post suggesting that we reverse the name ANDYGUT, to TUGYDNA. "I have no idea what it means, but that never stopped Verizon. And that DNA bit at the end is so Web 2.0, don't you think?" Mike, immediately after reading your comment, we held an emergency board meeting between myself and Andy and decided that TUGYDNA is certainly the way to move forward. So from now on, the brand, along with it's mission statement, will be:
TUGYDNA
"the Internet for people who don't have computers"
For your help Mike, you will receive one of the inaugural TUGYDNA custom form-fitted 100 percent cotton ribbed t-shirts. They are available in three different colors: bisque, palegoldenrod and Garden Clog.
The CRANKYINSOMNIAC also recommends changing the name of the company from upper to lower case. "The use of a capital letter rather than a space to distinguish words in a "compound name corporate name" is something we feel will soon "catch on" in many industries, and numerous "studies" using the latest in "focus testing" technology have shown that people associate this practice with "cutting edge" technologies.
He is absolutely correct, so from here on in, TUGYDNA is now.
Tugydna
"The Internet for people who don't have computers"
This also means, however, that we will have to scrap our inaugural TUGYDNA custom form-fitted 100 percent cotton ribbed t-shirts and replace them with shirts bearing the Tugydna insignia. They are still available in three different colors: bisq, palegoldenrod and Garden Clog.
CONCERNING: WWW.THEINTERNET.COM.COM
We have already started printing out the entirety of the internet and expect to be done shortly. Once we are done, we will then make copies of the indexed pages so every store will have them on hand. We have secured a number of large trucks to deliver the copies to our franchise outlets. These trucks will be offloaded onto large barges, where the indexed pages will be kept until a suitable storage space can be found. We are currently looking for job applicants willing to live on barges for periods up to six months at a time.
-We have already secured a number of "name-recognizable" celebrities to front our brand. Max Gail of Barney Miller fame is not one of them.
QUESTIONS:
GIMMEABREAK WRITES: Greg - is that the same Marjoe Gortner that was in "Earthquake"????
GREG RESPONDS: yes, he played Jody, the psycho who tries to rape Rosie, played by the young and voluptuous Victoria Principal. He is killed by Charlton Heston's character, Stewart Graff. If you remember the movie, Charlton Heston kept in shape by using a pulley system of resistance bands, hooked up to a wall. He would do forward chest presses, while standing. If you stop the movie right at the point where his left arm is coming up for the third time, you can make out a strand of underarm hair that looks eerily like the umbrella used to assassinate Bulgarian dissident Georgi Markov on Waterloo Bridge, on September 7, 1978.
Unusual fact: When I was a child I went on the Earthquake ride at Universal Studios in Hollywood. But the less said about that, the better.
CONSIGLIERE5 WRITES:
i hope that you will consider stocking your kiosks with computers with 'net access so that customers can go to a special website of your making and insert their keyword request(s). This will help your kiosk operator/researchers immensely because what if they hear the word incorrectly? If the customer types in the keyword, there's no miscommunication problem.
GREG REPONDS: Stocking the kiosks with computers with 'net access is a costly process, but we will look into it. For now, what we've done is printed out a master file of all known keywords (MFOAKK). So, let's say you come to a kiosk because you want to build a garden fence. You go to one of our clerks, and write down the key word "garden fence." Then we'll go to our file of keywords, and see if we have a match. If we don't, we'll return and ask you for another key word that might be similar, but listed in our MFOAKK. We will repeat this process until we find a key word that fits in our system. Each repetition will be affordably priced, and not to exceed $20 for the location of each key word.
THAT'S ALL FOR NOW.
OH AND REMEMBER FELLOW HUFFERS: This time next week we will be under mandatory lock-down, and each Huffpo contributor will be forced to fight another contributer as entertainment for the staff. The winners will each receive a copy of On Becoming Fearless : A Road Map for Women
by Arianna Huffington (Hardcover - September 4, 2006).