Many people have said it is impossible to change a voter's mind in this year's election. People are either overwhelmingly in support of Hillary Clinton, or for her opponent, Donald Trump. As a liberal homosexual, I have "Been With Her" since the beginning, but recent events have made me question who I should support. And although this may come as a shock to my friends and family, I will now be voting for Donald Trump.
Allow me to explain. In the past few weeks, I have witnessed things Mr. Trump has said and done that have altered how I feel about him. His behavior, coupled with a few things my Aunt Jean from Staten Island posted on Facebook, helped me come to this decision. First off, I am intrigued by a man who responds to those who question his policies by attacking them on Twitter. It reminds me of the time I pulled Kelly McGovern's hair when she called me, "Gaygory" for dressing like Prince in third grade. This makes him relatable! I also admire a man who goes on a four-hour Twitter rant at 3AM like a crystal queen trying to get in touch with his dealer. This shows me he is determined!
I also respect a man who responds to the women who have accused him of sexual assault by rating their looks on a scale of 1 to 10. This brings to mind those sassy ballroom judges I loved so much in Paris Is Burning! While we are on the topic of looks, nothing says, "President" to me like a baggy suit made in Indonesia and a two-tone ombré comb-over made of synthetic orangutan hair. Those judges would totally give him "10's, 10's, 10's, 10's, 10's across the board...room" for serving up Executive Realness! His subtle Oompa Loompa orange meets ghost-white reverse raccoon contour also appeals to me because it reminds me of drag queens I've seen on RuPaul's Drag Race!
I was also impressed with how Donald Trump treated the second debate like it was a WWE wrestling match. Bearing down on Hillary Clinton like a mechanic who just found out his girlfriend is really a man on The Jerry Springer Show lets me know he is more dominant than a Total Top on Grindr! I was also impressed with how he answered every question posed to him by not answering them. This shows me he can spin and twirl like my girl, Kenya Moore on The Real Housewives of Atlanta! I also loved how he declared himself the winner of the debates based on the fact that a few uninformed -- er -- undecided people in the audience cheered at three of his zings. I was watching at home, shaking my finger, saying, "Oh no he di'int!" when that went down, trust!
I also admired the way he dealt with the Pussygate scandal by referring to his dialogue with Billy Bush as "locker room talk." As a gym enthusiast who has been in many a changing room, locker room talk is sadly a thing. In fact, the last time I was changing at the Equinox in the West Village, I heard a man use the very same word heard in the leaked audiotape when he told a friend, "Gurl, he plowed me out so hard, my pussy got turnt!"
Lastly, I like that Donald Trump reminds me of Drunk Uncle on Saturday Night Live. Spewing racist, misogynistic, Islamophobic, Xenophonic things in a fear-based campaign makes him more frightening than a clown luring me into the woods in Alabama. In fact, his recent assertion that our democratic process is rigged has proven he is more aggressive than Travis The Chimp after a cup of Xanax-laced tea. That's why, for these reasons and about three thousand more, come election day, I will be voting for Donald Trump...to sashay away.
Greg Scarnici is the author of "I Hope My Mother Doesn't Read This." Connect with him and his social networks on www.gregscarnici.com