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Top 9 Signs You're at a Gay Wedding

07/22/2014 06:23 pm ET | Updated Sep 21, 2014

It's wedding season! Time to roll the dice down the aisle. Will this be the couple that lasts longer than a pair of TOMS shoes? Are the guests all in TOMS shoes? Are they mostly named Tom? Then you might be at a gay wedding.

Take a gander:

1. The groom is actually prettier than the groom.
2. The venue is interesting, maybe Italy or Narnia.
3. Bicep-baring tank tops are the new black tie.
4. You're seated by "Are you a friend of Robert's or Robert's?"
5. The Westboro Baptist Church Choir is the opening act.
6. Unicorns do exist and they make fabulous ring bearers.
7. Cher's performing, and he needs a shave.
8. You witness lots of people in love.
9. Thankfully hell froze over; they needed an ice sculpture.

Go ahead: eat, drink, and about that cake, -- it's fat-free, gluten-free, carb-free, and free of guilt. And baked by Tom.