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Gregory Michie

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If a Parent Who Reads to Her Child is "Good," is One Who Doesn't "Bad?"

Posted: 02/10/2012 8:29 pm

If I'm in Chicago, then I'm in Illinois. I'm not in Chicago, therefore I must not be in Illinois.

In the field of logic, that's an example of what's called "denying the antecedent" -- a logical fallacy that assumes that because a implies b, then not a implies not b.

The fault in the logic is obvious in the example above, but the reasoning underlying such fallacies is not so uncommon in our daily lives.

Many of us would probably agree, for instance, that parents who buy organic food products for their children must care a great deal about their kids' health and well-being. So do we believe the opposite to be true as well? I've heard parents say they would never feed their children any non-organic dairy product, and the unspoken implication seemed to be that a parent who would is bordering on being unfit.

But on the southwest side of Chicago, where I live, you have to go on a bit of a wild goose chase to even track down a gallon of organic milk. And if you're a parent struggling to make ends meet for your family, you're probably going to choose to spend $1.99 for a gallon at Aldi rather than $6.99 for organic at Whole Foods. Does that mean you don't care as much about the health of your child as organic-buying parents do?

Similar logical fallacies can sometimes be heard in teachers' lounges, school hallways, and graduate education classes -- especially when the topic of discussion is low-income students and their families.

A teacher friend once told me of a counselor at her school who, during a lunch-time discussion, expressed dismay at what she perceived as the limited experiences of some of her school's low-income Mexican-American students. "I can't believe these kids haven't been to Navy Pier," the woman said, referring to a downtown Chicago tourist attraction. "Their parents don't take them places. When I was little, my mom would pack up the car and take us to Grant Park." She added, "And we weren't rich, either. But she still took us places."

The unspoken subtext was pretty clear to my friend: Since the counselor's mom had taken her on excursions, that meant she was a caring parent. And because her students' parents didn't take them places (at least according to the counselor), they must not be. Again -- if a implies b, not a must imply not b.

Never mind that many parents at the school work low-wage jobs and may not own a car to pack for a day at the park. Besides, how much did the counselor really know about her kids' lives outside of school? How much of her comment was based on careful observation and listening, and how much on ill-formed assumptions?

Another area of school life where logical fallacies can paint poor parents as unconcerned or uncaring is their perceived involvement -- or lack of it -- in school activities. If we believe parents who participate at school in traditional ways -- showing up for open houses, volunteering to chaperone field trips -- do so because they value their child's education, then we may also believe that parents who don't participate in those ways simply don't care enough to do so. In fact, I've heard teachers voice this opinion, or something similar, a number of times.

But it's important to take a closer look. A parent with a salaried position who takes a half day off to attend his daughter's school play likely wouldn't be penalized financially, and might even be congratulated by colleagues for being an involved parent. A dad who works as an hourly-wage security guard would get docked pay, and possibly reprimanded or worse, for doing the same.

As a teacher of teachers, one of the assignments I sometimes give my students is a "literacy autobiography," in which they reflect on their own memories of learning to read and write. In a typical class, where most students are from middle-class backgrounds and many grew up in two-parent families, common themes often show up in their essays. Students often recall being read to by a parent before bed each night, having a wide selection of books in their homes, or practicing their writing or spelling with a family member (usually their mother) before entering school as a kindergartener.

Based on these memories, teachers in my classes usually conclude that their caregivers placed a high value on literacy and education. And in most cases they're probably right about that. But in their papers and their comments in class, it becomes clear that some also believe the inverse to be true: Parents who don't read to their kids nightly or have dozens of books in their home -- some of the parents of the kids they teach -- must not care much about their children learning to read and write.

When I hear this assumption surfacing, I try to engage my students in discussing how our own experiences of literacy act as lenses by which we may judge others. We also talk about other, perhaps less visible, ways that low-income parents might be assisting in the literacy development of their children (for much more on this, see Catherine Compton-Lilly's Re-Reading Families). But for some of the teachers in my classes, especially those who grew up in families with plenty of resources, it can still be hard to let go of a long-held belief: that parents who truly value education demonstrate it with certain actions and choices -- individual and societal circumstances be damned.

In an educational climate where the "no excuses" mantra is hailed by everyone from charter school operators to President Obama, such views may not be so surprising. But they are a troubling starting point for any teacher, and a recipe for misunderstanding when it comes to working respectfully with low-income students and families.

The good news is that many teachers who work with poor children and families choose a more productive approach. Instead of denying antecedents, they begin with far different assumptions: that every parent cares, that every parent wants good things for their child, that every parent values education -- even if they don't all show it in the same way.

 
 
 
If I'm in Chicago, then I'm in Illinois. I'm not in Chicago, therefore I must not be in Illinois. In the field of logic, that's an example of what's called "denying the antecedent" -- a logical falla...
If I'm in Chicago, then I'm in Illinois. I'm not in Chicago, therefore I must not be in Illinois. In the field of logic, that's an example of what's called "denying the antecedent" -- a logical falla...
 
 
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01:52 PM on 02/13/2012
This is the second article I've read on HP that excuses not reading to our children. Learning to read and write is not about education. It is about being able to function in society. Sure, some cultures value "hard work" over "education", but how exactly does one find work if one can not read or write? You even have to read and write to do simple math problems. It's the foundation of our life. No one is asking a parent to spend hours a day reading to a child or practicing writing. Even reading one book a day can greatly increase a child's ability to comprehend letters, words, language. Not to mention those moments of quiet calm and bonding. Children are so go go go all the time that sitting down and focusing their attention on a book certainly provides its own benefits. Reading books can also shape the imagination of a child and help them think creatively. And of course books can be found for free everywhere so anyone implying that "poor folk" can't afford books is an invalid argument. So yes, I do believe that parents that won't take a few minutes out of their day to provide their children with such a valuable resource are not the best parents they could be.

I'm honestly starting to think these Post bloggers are trying to suppress any future competition with these bogus opinion articles. And I can assure you 100% of them had access to books as children.
09:53 AM on 02/13/2012
Interesting article. I have been teaching parenting skills classes for the past 15 years, mostly to the lower socio-economic group in the Mississippi Delta. In all my years, I have never encountered a parent who doesn't truly want the best for their child. Some people just don't know how to do the best for their child.

Last week I had a mom in my class who was holding her one-year-old baby on her lap. I asked, What kind of books do you share with your child?" She said, "Oh, he ain't old enough to look at a book and I don't really read." When I took the child and demonstrated how he can point at pictures and she could just "make up" a story, she was amazed. A little education can go a long way.
02:42 PM on 02/12/2012
I don't care about how much a parent makes, where they grocery shop, or if they have books in their house. I just want them to show up (on time) for parent/teacher conferences and to stop equating their egos with their children. (Also, I'd like them to stop showing up at conferences with shady characters calling themselves "child psychologist specialists" who write 2 page misspelled, grammatically incorrect letters to me on spiral notebook paper...but that's another rant for another blog comment area.)
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MarcEdward
likes all cats more than most people
11:56 AM on 02/12/2012
I guess it's no surprise that middle class college educated white people have discovered that middle class college educated white people make the best parents. We're told to read to kids every night, when our babies are still sleeping swaddled we put pretend books into their cribs. Certainly we value literacy highly, as that was our strategy to get ahead in the world (education, education, education). 
Other people have different values. Some cultures value "hard work", because that is the lesson they learned in their family - hard work trumps education at a certain point. They have a point - in the last neighborhood we lived in, most people were better off than we were, and almost universally their level of education was "some college" or "no college". Hard work was more important, and most of them read to their kids once a month of less.
What's the best strategy? We don't really know - we don't know what the economy will be demanding a year from now, let alone 18 years from now.
01:30 AM on 02/13/2012
Re-read your post. I know a whole lot of middle class college educated black people that placed the same value on education as the middle class college educated white people that ran to the suburbs to get away from the middle class college educated black people. Are you serious? This isn't about race, class, or culture. This is all about socio-economics. Have you ever taught a classroom full of kids living in trailers? Lots of diversity there, you know? So, we keep pushing to get all parents involved. Adjust your perspective. It's crooked.
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MarcEdward
likes all cats more than most people
07:51 AM on 02/13/2012
I was thinking of a class in "early childhood literacy" I was taking at UNC. If you look at the people who run University Level Education programs (white middle aged women) you'd get what I'm talking about.
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Ashok Hegde
06:50 AM on 02/13/2012
I don't think ANYONE believe middle class educated white people make the best parents. It's almost ludicrous to suggest it.

Clearly, Asians make the best parents. Asian children are dominating...utterly destroying the pathetic competition. They often laugh at middle class white/black/hispanic parents...

They are raising kids which will take over the elite universities, elite corporations, elite positions.

The rest of you parents need to wake up. Most of you suck, and you're screwing your kids.
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MarcEdward
likes all cats more than most people
02:08 PM on 02/13/2012
Looking at the children in my daughter's high school Honors/IB program I notice that the children of educated immigrants (including the children of couples where one of the parents is an educated immigrant) are greatly over-represented. The ethnic mix in our school for these children is typically Asian, Indian, and Eastern European. Since my wife is from Ukraine, we fit into this category as well.

The American popular culture is destructive.

I would point out that academic work at this level of achievement requires hard work. My daughter probably studies well in excess of 40 hours a week (not including the robotics competition).
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Ashok Hegde
11:18 AM on 02/12/2012
The notion of a "bad parent" starts when they have children they can't afford. After this irresponsible act, they are stuck in low wage jobs which don't offer the time to really parent properly.

It's no one's fault but their own. They should have waited until they could be a good parent, before procreating.

Their children will simply get crushed in the competition which is 'life'.
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Conuly
06:16 PM on 02/12/2012
Because in your world, nobody ever loses a job, nobody ever gets a sudden illness, nobody ever has to take in their parents or cousins or siblings, nobody ever has surprise triplets when they were expecting a singleton.
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Ashok Hegde
06:51 AM on 02/13/2012
Actually, it's the opposite. I assume much of that will happen in our risk society.

That's why I've saved 3x my annual salary so far, before having kids. That cushion (and more) will help manage this inherent risk.
09:22 PM on 02/12/2012
Perfect article for use in my classes this week! Thank you Greg! I am so tired of the "blame yourself narrative" which is often based on logical fallacies (e.g. my grandpa came to this country without a shirt on his back and pulled himself up by his bootstraps, therefore everyone else should be able to do the same.) Everyone has unique circumstances, and privileges that help shape what they are able to achieve in this lifetime. We need to revisit the "earned vs. privileged" conversation in this country and ask ourselves: How much of what I have accomplished is because of my privileges (i.e. white, male, socioeconomic background, etc.) How much have I earned? How much has been a combination of both? When we view the world in binary terms and become cavalier in labeling others based on our own limited experiences, we have failed to become completely human. We have given in to a sense of elitism and have forgotten what it means to "spend a day in another's shoes."
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jf12
When I saw her I marveled greatly.
09:58 AM on 02/12/2012
Don't excuse laziness.
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Conuly
06:16 PM on 02/12/2012
Like the laziness of the mind that keeps you from putting yourself in other people's shoes? All right, I won't excuse it.
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Ashok Hegde
06:52 AM on 02/13/2012
Ok, other people's shoes. So, I should watch 7 hours of TV a day, eat 4000 calories and become 35 pounds overweight, and I should spend more time on video games than on books. Is that about it? Woah...I need bigger shoes.
09:21 AM on 02/12/2012
Even if one does not have money, "Putting education first" should be in the back of a parent's mind. It will not matter if you can't afford books or special trips...education is all around in the real world. Encouraging children to be creative, active, and ask questions can go a long way. For teachers, they can realize that not all families are alike but, if you develop a child's mindfulness at an early age, it will carry them far.
05:30 PM on 02/12/2012
Absolutely! Talk to your children!
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WilliamL
08:08 AM on 02/12/2012
Parents who do not read themselves are most likely not going to read to their children.
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LittleOldLadyWho
Lifelong Liberal Democrat
08:32 AM on 02/12/2012
True that!  ;o)
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Ashok Hegde
06:53 AM on 02/13/2012
Barely 5% of society reads...and most of them read crap.
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WilliamL
05:57 PM on 02/13/2012
Well, our children read, read well, and read often.

But I hear ya.
11:08 PM on 02/13/2012
Reading crap is better than not reading at all.
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sydneymoon
Dismiss what insults your own soul - WW
07:13 AM on 02/12/2012
"Some 5 year-olds enter kindergarten w/ a working vocabulary of a 2 year-old versus those that have a language rich environment. These 5 year-olds may have a working vocabulary of a 10 year-old. That means a gap of 8 years when compared. There are a lot of interventions that need to be employed, but catching up is quite a hurdle."

http://changeonechild.org/blog/importance-of-early-literacy/

From Jim Trelease's Read Aloud website:

• We read to children for all the same reasons we talk with children: to reassure, to entertain, to bond; to inform or explain, to arouse curiosity, to inspire. But in reading aloud, we also:
•
• Condition the child’s brain to associate reading with pleasure
• Create background knowledge
• Build vocabulary
• Provide a reading role model

http://www.trelease-on-reading.com/rah-ch1.html#sosimple

Yes, reading to your child is very important to your child's academic future.
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LittleOldLadyWho
Lifelong Liberal Democrat
08:30 AM on 02/12/2012
Yes, it IS critical and important!

And that includes the "discipline" (NOT punishment) to follow through.  I spent a lot of time reading to our son, and it did pay off.  Also, we would take turns--I read him (Charlotte's Web) and equally age-appropriate "chapter books", and yet he read to me as well.

Bedtime always consisted of Daddy reading to him every night before bedtime.  It started out as a "night time bottle", as recommended by his pediatrician, and evolved into a bonding moment for both of them, and it was a time of quiet transition for bedtime.  Our little "night owl" has taken my lead, and it's always been a challenge!  A limp, sound asleep child would require a "drink of water, monsters under the bed, etc, etc..--surprisingly about one minute (if that--as soon as his little head hit his pillow)!

Little did we know that "punching the time clock" at 7:00 AM has cured him of it, or . . . let's say he is entering his third year on the job, so it can't be all bad!  Plus, he has become a voracious reader!!

And, BTW I first volunteered at his elementary school working with several grade levels (at all levels of ability) by listening to them read, proved to elevate a child's esteem in doing so.  I became employed there, and worked with kids for several years.

THAT'S how we rise to "No Child Left Behind"--NOT some catchy phrase that lost meaning as soon as it was uttered!
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Marx Twain
America's homespun Marxist
11:07 PM on 02/11/2012
I think that the author makes many excellent points about cultural and income level differences, and how all families bring strengths which a wise educator can capitalize on, and use as a springboard to connect the new to the known.

But as to the title, and one of the central examples, I disagree. Reading to your child is one of the most important and effective ways to promote their education. The best predictor of reading ability, and academic achievement as a whole, is how much a child is read to. Furthermore, it is a factor that is totally within a parent's control. And unlike organic milk, reading is free and to anyone, regardless of income level, race, or even citizen status through our public libraries.

So while I agree with a lot of the article, I would say that not reading to your child does indeed make you a bad parent.
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Conuly
06:19 PM on 02/12/2012
"And unlike organic milk, reading is free and to anyone, regardless of income level, race, or even citizen status through our public libraries."

Assuming that you have a library near you.

Assuming that this library is open when you are not at work.

Assuming that you do not ever get sick or incapacitated and find yourself unable to return books... and also unable to pay the fine, so unable to take out NEW books.

Assuming that you have the free time to read to your child - and the energy to do so after you've worked 10 hours, commuted 3, cooked dinner, and made sure that all physical needs were taken care of.

Assuming, of course, that you know how to read fluently. Plenty of adults cannot read well, and struggle to read even basic things. Most picture books are not easy to read, because they assume that the person reading them IS A GROWN-UP.
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Ashok Hegde
06:54 AM on 02/13/2012
If you couldn't do all that, why did you have the kid?

Adults need to think a bit more before procreating.
10:14 AM on 02/13/2012
BS. Dolly Parton's literacy foundation mails your kids books every month for free. (you can sign up online) If you're too lazy to take your kid to a library (bike there if you have to, that's what I did) and spend 10 minutes a day reading to them, rich or poor, you shouldn't be having kids. If a parent can't ensure that his kid is reading at grade level by third grade, that kid is going to struggle in every subject in school going forward. Furthermore, if a parent can't read fluently, he owes it to his kid and himself to go learn how to read and at least be able to read elementary school level books to his kids. Poor people and non-english speaking parents are obviously at a disadvantage but that is not an excuse to not teach your kids to read.
06:51 PM on 02/11/2012
This is a great article! Why do so many people judge the parenting style of others? It is a strange past time, and I'm guilty of it myself.

I always figure that whatever the parent I'm about to judge isn't doing (reading, volunteering at school), they are probably doing something else that I'm not doing (taking their kid to baseball games, buying organic produce). Not everyone parents the same way.

By the way, I grew up in a household where no one read to me. My parents barely read anything themselves. Too busy working. So tired at the end of the day they watched tv. Yet somehow, miraculously, I managed to become an avid reader. Hmm. Probably because they worked so hard to afford to live in a good school district, etc.
11:52 PM on 02/12/2012
I agree, goldy -- in our society we spend too much time judging parenting styles. We all have busy lives and we cannot walk in another person's shoes, right?
I think we need to teach, above all else, empathy. Most parents do a great job and kids are quite resilient. I do try to read daily to both our kids but it is not always easy.
HansB
The only good certainty is a dead certainty
06:42 PM on 02/11/2012
Does money or income really matter all that much? I don't think so. What really matters is whether you encourage or discourage your child's inquisitiveness. Perhaps higher-income parents on average encourage curiosity more than lower-income ones do, but not because of any causal correlation.

It's quite possible to stimulate your child's curiosity and open-mindedness without a penny in your pocket, I do it every day.
06:16 PM on 02/11/2012
The options have changed since the 60s but how man parents know about them.

Omnilingual by Henry Beam Piper
http://librivox.org/omnilingual-by-h-beam-piper/
http://www.feedbooks.com/book/308/omnilingual
Star Surgeon by Alan E. Nourse
http://www.amazon.com/Star-Surgeon-Alan-Nourse/dp/1598180657
http://librivox.org/star-surgeon-by-alan-edward-nourse/
http://www.sffaudio.com/?p=1299

So with the right electronic device:

ASUS Eee Pad Memo Hands On
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qV3MCzPHMLs

These little computers can play MP3s and display the text at the same time so children can get do it yourself reading lessons. It is just a question of selecting material now.

http://librivox.org/the-insidious-dr-fu-manchu-by-sax-rohmer/
05:42 PM on 02/11/2012
When I hear that my students have gone to Chuck E Cheese rather than the USS Constitution or to Water Country rather than the Museum of Science, yes I do bemoan the lack of experiences that my students get. Parents can read to their children, if they don't own books or can't afford them go to the library. If you can't read, borrow a book on CD/mp3. If you can't read English, read to them in your native tongue. It's all about choices made. My students have more cable channels than I do, how many watch PBS? Parents can make that choice for their kids but instead they buy them HALO.
08:48 AM on 02/12/2012
Parents CAN make those choices for their kids, but if their own parents just sat them down in front of the television when they were kids, or bought them Pac-Man, are they going to? Maybe, but the chances are definitely worse.

That's not to suggest that they're not engaging in bad parenting. They are. It's to suggest that some of them aren't so much CHOOSING to be bad parents as they are arriving at it through ignorance, and through values that just differ from those of people whose parents read to them at least occasionally.
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Ashok Hegde
11:19 AM on 02/12/2012
And hence, the continued growth of the wage gap.
05:28 PM on 02/12/2012
I agree, but those choices show in their children's education. I can tell the students that go to museums and did things over the summer and those that didn't, quite easily. Their vocabulary, if nothing else, is much larger.
05:04 PM on 02/11/2012
I enjoyed your article. I think once again however the teachers are held to standards that are super-human while parents are excused due to their circumstance. I agree that parents do their best. However, if we are going to accept a minimum from parents, why do we expect teachers to raise other peoples children. Your logic problem might consider: If you read you have a better chance of doing well in school vs. If you don't read you probably won't. Somehow it becomes about those bad old teachers. I find this conclusion rather simplistic and a big excuse for why students fail.
06:04 PM on 02/11/2012
Thanks for your comment. I'm definitely not out to to join the "bad teachers" chorus, so I'm not sure where in the piece you picked up on that. As I said at the end, many teachers approach their relationships with parents in a generous and collaborative manner, and try hard to work with parents who may be struggling for one reason or another. The more parents and teachers can work together (and try to see things from each other's perspectives), the better off we'll be.