Enjoy the Fun of Failure (Or At Least Try)

Two of my happiness-project resolutions are Enjoy the fun of failure and Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good.

I'm a perfectionist. I hate to be criticized. I'm defensive. I'm thin-skinned. As a result, I really, really, hate to make a mistake or to be connected with things that aren't perfect.

The problem is, failure and imperfection are quite common (maybe you've observed this yourself), and if you aren't willing to make mistakes or to accept flaws or failure, you can't achieve much.

Novelty and challenge bring happiness, but they also bring frustration, anxiety, flaws, and failure - in fact, the more challenging the undertaking, the more likely it is to fail or to be flawed.

I often feel myself shrinking away from opportunities or ideas, because I'm worried about doing a less-than-perfect job - even though I know that I'm happier when I create, when I push myself, when I try new things. That's why these two resolutions are important for me.

Enjoy the fun of failure reminds me to lighten up - to accept failure or mistakes as an important part of a process. It's okay if something fails. In fact, that's part of the fun!

Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good reminds me that it's more important to do something at all than to do something perfectly. Many things worth doing are worth doing badly. Doing something badly is often a necessary stage toward doing it well.

For the past two days, since I announced the link to the Happiness Project Toolbox, I've been reminding myself of both these resolutions.

I worked so hard and so long to create the Toolbox, and the site has been tested up and down, both by the designers and also by the wonderful Super-Fans, who were hugely helpful in highlighting problems. We thought the site was working perfectly.

But guess what? It wasn't. Within fifteen minutes of announcing the link on Wednesday morning, I got a message from a friend telling me that he'd gotten an error message. And so it went.

This upset me a lot more than it should have. In the last two days, every time I heard about a problem with the site, I felt terrible. I hate knowing that it's less than perfect. The negativity bias aggravates this feeling; lots of people have said very nice things, and when I go to the Toolbox I can see that lots of people are using the site and posting great stuff there, and yet the few criticisms - which were more like gentle, friendly notices about problems, rather than criticisms - hit me far harder. Negative is much sticker than positive.

"Enjoy the fun of failure," I keep reminding myself. It's a great site, a lot of people love it, I love it, it's getting fixed. "Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good."

It's doesn't always work, but it helps. Have you found any good strategies for helping yourself be calmer about accepting mistakes or failure?

*
Gimundo has a great time-lapse video that shows beautiful settings across the world. Lots of dramatic movement by clouds and light.

*
Check out the Happiness Project Toolbox. Probably it will work for you, but it's not perfect yet. If you have a problem, you can post it here. But I really, really hope that it will be practically perfect in every way within a very short time.

Comments

[RadicalRepublican]

Hello Gretchen

'm a recovering perfectionist too. After reading blogs like yours and several writers here on HuffPo and reading many books, I've realized how pervasive the problem is and cut myself some slack. This gives me the opportunity to take a risk and possibly fail. But it also gives me the chance to succeed where I might otherwise have dared. I also relax a lot better nowadays.

Good post,
thanx

[David Wise]

This is wonderfully sound advice, Gretchen. I also enjoyed the video which has terrific sound quality.

[metricfan]

The graphic makes me laugh. I was hit by a car and didn't ride my bike again untill ten years later. But I got back on...

[BannedInBoston]

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then stop. No point in being a fool about it.

--Will Rogers (I think, or somebody from that era)

[Highlyirritable]

Failure can only occur when an attempt has been made. To live an attempt-free life is more of a pity than one riddled with failure.

As I said recently in a post comment regarding favorite quotes: Excuses are the nails that built the house of failure.

Jeni
http://highlyirritable.wordpress.com

[goingnow]

Perfection doesn't exist, so is not a worthy or realistic goal to set. Challenges, rather than the term failures, are a gift that allow us to find and utilize hidden aspects of strength or inspiration we may not have known we had within us. Gratitude toward the challenges leads to an appreciation of being a fuller richer human being who's individual spirit is alive, an ever-evolving work in progress.

[Kari Henley - Huffpost Blogger]

Hey Gretchen!
Well, first of all, you are one of the most prolific writers I know! It was great to hear a bit of your "human side!"
:)
I have found that the idea of "3 good thoughts to one bad" is a great theory.
Feeling bad about a mistake forces you to find three good things about it, etc.
This can apply to a really bad day, an argument with a friend, losing something valuable, etc.
It is like a ship- the Mast is 3 times higher than the keel.
Love the site by the way!
kari

[CaveatMagnusFrater]

Hi Keri,

My wife might get mad if I undertake your strategy if it follows the reflective principle. For every 3 good things I think about her, I'd have to come up with a bad one. Just kidding. I know it's a tool to help deal with a negative thought and I like it. So many Huffington Post writers have blogged so much great advise this spring that I'm certain that I'll forget quite a bit of it. I hope I'll be able to incorporate your plan into my processes.

[feyangel]

No, I haven't.

:_}

Just kidding-- AND humor is the only thing that gets me through. If I can laugh, no matter how badly something is going, I AM OKAY!

[riona]

I read this post thinking it would lead to insight about how to deal with real failures. Website navigation headaches wasn't exactly what I was thinking of. Of course, it's easy to laugh at the failure of a website sending error messages-not exactly on the same scale as-losing ones job, failing an exam, infertility, accidentally hitting someone with your car, foreclosure. Many folks are dealing with one of these "failures" and/or some other huge ones like them right now. Accepting ones failures and flaws is serious business-that doesn't mean you drown yourself in negativity and self-loathing because you did something wrong, but losing ones house because you failed to make necessary mortgage payments is not a failure to have fun with.

[BannedInBoston]

Especially failures that you have no control over. The real negativity comes (it seems to me) when we suffer from injustices of one sort or another. For example, I can't tell you how crappy being laid off (not recently, fortunately) can make a person feel. Sure, you get right back on the horse, look for another job, and (IF you're truly persistent and I am) eventually find one. But still.

[LolaDanger]

I love this, and the timing is perfect! (and also good.)