I'm working on my Happiness Project, and you could have one, too! Everyone's project will look different, but it's the rare person who can't benefit. Join in -- no need to catch up, just jump in right now. Each Friday's post will help you think about your own happiness project.
I'm going through a Tolstoy obsession right now - one which I've resisted for a long time, but now, in true Tolstoyan fashion, am allowing myself to succumb to - and I was struck by a phrase in a description of Nabatov, a hero in Resurrection
Nabatov is a peasant who got a high-school education because of his exceptional talents. He didn't go to the university, however, because he wanted to "go among the people and enlighten his neglected brethren." He took up various positions, and each time was arrested for trying to organize the peasants, and ultimately he was exiled. Tolstoy extols his virtues:
"As a peasant he was industrious, observant, and clever at his work; he was also naturally self-controlled, polite without any effort, and attentive not only to the wishes but also to the opinions of others. His widowed mother, an illiterate, superstitious old peasant woman, was still living, and Nabatov helped her, and used to visit her when he was free. During the time he spent at home he entered into all the interests of his mother's life, helped her in her work, continued his intercourse with former playfellows, smoking in their company cheap tobacco in 'dog's-foot cigarettes,' took part in their fisticuffs, and explained to them how they were all being deceived by the State and how they ought to disentangle themselves from the deception they were kept in."
The phrase that caught my attention in this description is that Nabatov "entered into all the interests of his mother's life." It occurs to me that when you think of people getting along harmoniously - whether in a family, among friends, or in an office - people make an effort to enter into the interests of eachother's lives.
Presumably Nabatov wasn't much interested in the things that interested his "illiterate, superstitious old peasant" mother. I'm not much interested in Hannah Montana, which interests my older daughter. My husband isn't much interested in why I think all biographers of St. Therese of Lisieux have profoundly misunderstood her.
Not only do people find it difficult to enter into each other's interests, people also have a strong impulse to be judgmental about other people's interests. I think someone's interest in wine is boring. Someone thinks my interest in children's literature is childish.
When you're trying to be happier, one issue that frequently arises is: "If I do this, am I being fake? Doesn't happiness depend on being authentic? If I don't naturally feel optimistic/positive/interested, why should I pretend?" (See, e.g., whether you should unenthusiastically play your part in a tradition.)
That's a very good question. If you spend your time faking an interest in topics that bore you, you're not going to be very happy. On the other hand, entering into other people's interests is an important way to show respect and affection.
Ah, the elusive happy medium. What do you think? Is it laudable to enter into other people's interests, or do you view that as inauthentic? Wait...I think I hear the Hannah Montana theme song. Gotta go.
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I'm thrilled! I asked if any possible "super-fans" of the Happiness Project would be willing to volunteer to help me out in a few ways -- and so many people have offered. Thank you all!
If any more kind souls would like to sign up, please just drop me an email at
gretchenrubin1[at]gmail[dot com]. (I added brackets to thwart spammers, but just use the usual email format.) No need to write anything more than "super-fan" in the subject line, and I'll put your name on the list.
First item: before long, I'm going to launch my super-secret, super-fabulous, happiness-related website. I'll send the super-fans the link ahead of time, in case they'd be interested in being beta testers (i.e., using the site in its early, pre-public stages).
If you're not interested in that, there are other issues that will come up in the next few months -- all purely voluntary, of course, so if you sign up as a super-fan but then don't have time or don't want to do anything, that's fine, too.
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I think Hannah Montana would want us to have "the best of both worlds." Probably in harmony as well.
Mike Vardy
www.effingthedog.com
I adore Tolstoy and went through a phase where I read two of his novels and some short stories and a biography.
But I've also been interested in teaching myself how to sew or bake.
Right now I'm reading art history books until I move to the next thing. I'm still working through Proust and probably will be until I'm 70. Painting. Trying to watch every Criterion film to learn about movies. Trying to learn about wildflowers and birds.
One thing I know is that almost everything is interesting if you really spend time looking at it. Most people are very interesting, and I've found that I can learn something from almost anyone. There are so many people who are overlooked in our society. Artsy people look down on suburban moms. That kind of thing. But I really believe everyone brings something to the table.
I've seen paintings done by seniors of their own backyards that have more soul and life to them than some paintings I see by critic-approved contemporary artists.
As far as interests go, everybody is different, so what they become interested in is going to vary. And what we are bored by is varied, too. My problem is that I have too many interests and really tend to spread myself thin as a result. It also makes me far more frustrated with the brevity of life.
And that is my attitude toward death. It isn't the fact that we will all perish, it is that I won't get done everything I want to before one's normal human lifespan is eclipsed.
Some of the people I know who are interested in this literature read Nazi works along with more general German authors like Gunter Grass and Jewish writers like Primo Levi.
They are interested in that particular point in time when evil touched the lives of so many innocent people, the signs of humanity amidst the tragedy, the Germans grappling with this as part of their national identity and history.
Of course, there are some people who are interested in this stuff solely for the racist message it sends, and I'm sure that's what you meant.
I sound nit-picky, I know, but I do know several wonderful, bright, compassionate people who do read this material, but for purely intellectual reasons.
I find that playing reporter - asking people about themselves, is the best way to get through a function in which I either don't know many people or have little in common with them. What people are into speaks volumes about their personalities.
I just took one of those corny facebook quizzes that asks, "What kind of writer are you?" and the answer was Tolstoy... so maybe this is a sign that HE should become my new interest!
I see the balance- in my relationships I often take on their hobbies. One boyfriend it was footbag (which I hated) and mountain biking (which I sucked at). Another it was skiing, which I never pushed myself to do and now absolutely love.
I am glad the desire to immerse in other's interests expands my world a bit!
Great thoughts!
Men and War Makers-
War and Peace-- Now add In Geneva Artcile 2, 3, and 4, and article of war- article 51 and 54- where technolgy crimes are not up to date in a 21st Century-
Geneva - Huage-
How Much has the USA involved in these global crimes-
Hope my point made
Hannah Montana - a Disney "Joke" propaganda- Disney one of the most corrupt companies and If you research correctly they have an SEC Investgation
Hannah Montana in the same sentence with Geneva, Global Crimes and the SEC......Something in that list doesn't belong.
Also, "War and Peace" with articles from the Geneva Conventions. I've read the book and I just don't get the connection there. I'm going to need help with that one. Especially the part about technology crimes. "War and Peace" is a book about Napoleon's invasion of Russia---before the internet.