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Gretchen Rubin

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To Be Happier, Write Your Own Set of Personal Commandments

Posted: 02/18/2012 8:20 am

One of the most challenging -- and most helpful and fun -- tasks that I've done as part of my Happiness Project is to write my 12 Personal Commandments. These aren't specific resolutions, like make my bed, but the overarching principles by which I try to live my life.

It took me several months to come up with this list, and it has been very useful for me to have them identified clearly in my mind. It's a creative way of distilling core values.

To get you started as you think about your own commandments, here are my 12 Commandments:

1. Be Gretchen.

2. Let it go.

3. Act the way I want to feel.

4. Do it now.

5. Be polite and be fair.

6. Enjoy the process.

7. Spend out. (This is probably the most enigmatic of my commandments.)

8. Identify the problem.

9. Lighten up.

10. Do what ought to be done.

11. No calculation.

12. There is only love.

So how do you come up with your own list?

Consider phrases that have stuck with you.
When I look at my 12 Commandments, I realize that five of them are actually quotations from other people. My father repeatedly reminds me to "Enjoy the process." A respected boss told me to "Be polite and be fair." A good friend told me that she'd decided that "There is only love" in her heart for a difficult person. "No calculation" is a paraphrase of my spiritual master St. Therese ("When one loves, one does not calculate"), and "Act the way I want to feel" is a paraphrase of William James.

Aim high and fight the urge to be too comprehensive.
I've found that my commandments help me most when I review them at least daily, to keep them fresh in my mind, and to do this, it helps to keep the list short and snappy. I suspect that 12 Commandments is too much. Maybe I only need two, "Be Gretchen" and "There is only love."

Think about what's true for you.
Each person's list will differ. One person's commandment is to "Say yes," another person's commandment is to "Say no." You need to think about yourself, your values, your strengths and weaknesses, your interests.

I've written about commandments in the past, and it's fascinating to read other people's commandments. For instance:

Do stuff.
Talk to strangers.
Stay in touch.
Make haste to be kind.
Dig deep.
Less is more.
Smaller.

Have you identified some of your own personal commandments? What are they? Please consider posting them. It's so interesting to see what other people identify.

I'm working on my Happiness Project, and you could have one, too! Everyone's project will look different, but it's the rare person who can't benefit. Join in -- no need to catch up, just jump in right now. Each Friday's post will help you think about your own happiness project.

* I'm a huge fan of my friend Erin Doland's terrific blog, Unclutterer -- "daily tips about getting and staying organized." Useful and funny. Who knew that clutter could be funny?

* Want a happiness quote in your email inbox every morning? Sign up for the Moment of Happiness. Subscribe here or email me at gretchenrubin1@gretchenrubin.com.

For more by Gretchen Rubin, click here.

For more on happiness, click here.

 

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