To Be Happier, Write Your Own Set of Personal Commandments

One of the most challenging -- and most helpful and fun -- tasks that I've done as part of my Happiness Project is to write my 12 Personal Commandments. These aren't specific resolutions, like make my bed, but the overarching principles by which I try to live my life.

It took me several months to come up with this list, and it has been very useful for me to have them identified clearly in my mind. It's a creative way of distilling core values.

To get you started as you think about your own commandments, here are my 12 Commandments:

1. Be Gretchen.

2. Let it go.

3. Act the way I want to feel.

4. Do it now.

5. Be polite and be fair.

6. Enjoy the process.

7. Spend out. (This is probably the most enigmatic of my commandments.)

8. Identify the problem.

9. Lighten up.

10. Do what ought to be done.

11. No calculation.

12. There is only love.

So how do you come up with your own list?

Consider phrases that have stuck with you.
When I look at my 12 Commandments, I realize that five of them are actually quotations from other people. My father repeatedly reminds me to "Enjoy the process." A respected boss told me to "Be polite and be fair." A good friend told me that she'd decided that "There is only love" in her heart for a difficult person. "No calculation" is a paraphrase of my spiritual master St. Therese ("When one loves, one does not calculate"), and "Act the way I want to feel" is a paraphrase of William James.

Aim high and fight the urge to be too comprehensive.
I've found that my commandments help me most when I review them at least daily, to keep them fresh in my mind, and to do this, it helps to keep the list short and snappy. I suspect that 12 Commandments is too much. Maybe I only need two, "Be Gretchen" and "There is only love."

Think about what's true for you.
Each person's list will differ. One person's commandment is to "Say yes," another person's commandment is to "Say no." You need to think about yourself, your values, your strengths and weaknesses, your interests.

I've written about commandments in the past, and it's fascinating to read other people's commandments. For instance:

Do stuff.
Talk to strangers.
Stay in touch.
Make haste to be kind.
Dig deep.
Less is more.
Smaller.

Have you identified some of your own personal commandments? What are they? Please consider posting them. It's so interesting to see what other people identify.

I'm working on my Happiness Project, and you could have one, too! Everyone's project will look different, but it's the rare person who can't benefit. Join in -- no need to catch up, just jump in right now. Each Friday's post will help you think about your own happiness project.

* I'm a huge fan of my friend Erin Doland's terrific blog, Unclutterer -- "daily tips about getting and staying organized." Useful and funny. Who knew that clutter could be funny?

* Want a happiness quote in your email inbox every morning? Sign up for the Moment of Happiness. Subscribe here or email me at [e-mail].

For more by Gretchen Rubin, click here.

For more on happiness, click here.

 

 

 

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Comments

[davidprosser]

04:18 AM on 02/21/2012

A person exists within society, is a part of society, and therefore (as many would argue) should live his/her life for the benefit of society. As Einstein said:

"... what to me constitutes the essence of the crisis of our time. It concerns the relationship of the individual to society. The individual has become more conscious than ever of his dependence upon society. But he does not experience this dependence as a positive asset, as an organic tie, as a protective force, but rather as a threat to his natural rights, or even to his economic existence. Moreover, his position in society is such that the egotistical drives of his make-up are constantly being accentuated, while his social drives, which are by nature weaker, progressively deteriorate. All human beings, whatever their position in society, are suffering from this process of deterioration. Unknowingly prisoners of their own egotism, they feel insecure, lonely, and deprived of the naive, simple, and unsophisticated enjoyment of life. Man can find meaning in life, short and perilous as it is, only through devoting himself to society."

And that, in my opinion, is the growing crisis of our times: Think of it, the need to "invent" a set of personal commandments, if for the furtherance of the pursuit of self-love, and not in order to better serve society, which he or she is firmly a part of, is nothing but the contrivance, justification, and continuance of narcissism.

[crdcalusa]

03:45 AM on 02/21/2012

Our traditional sense of happiness is usually sensed through our body and ego and this sense won't continue to entertain us through old age and hard times so I follow these recommendations. I find my ego may want instant gratification but my soul craves a lasting happiness and that's why I use these "commandments"

Operate with knowledge , scrutiny and sincere inquiry instead of belief

Don't trust yourself to judge a person or situation correctly, you are jaded from the beginning

Whatever is hateful to you don't do to others: Practice this always

You have little choice or control and many influences.

You can choose the environment you surround yourself with internally if not externally.

When you love someone, and a conflict arises: They are right and you are wrong.

The needs of the many outweigh the desires of the few

Do what is healthy for your body and harmless to the earth

Live according to your needs and refuse to pursue material excess.

See mankind as One human soul and share your joy

Unite with your brothers with an intention to nurture them

Know that your happiness is found in your brother's well being

[djr810]

11:56 AM on 02/21/2012

beautiful!

[CocoaWIP]

11:28 AM on 02/20/2012

In no particular order

1. Be thankful for the Creator or if you're an atheist a person each day

2. Start the day off with an inspiring song (doesn't have to be Gospel or Christian music)

3. Read an inspiring story or Daily affirmation BEFORE you watch the news, or read any other media outlet.

4. Face challenges and conflicts, and (what you define as) evil with an open mind.

5. Bless EVERYONE (see #4)

6. FORGIVE. It takes away the negative energy and opens you thinking.

7. Learn to LISTEN (should be higher)

8. (From Michael Beckwith) Write down six impossible things before breakfast.

9. Do not pass harsh judgement.

10. Don't be vindictive or scream for vengeance. Your request may be granted but someone else who had nothing to do with the wrongdoing may get caught up in the mix.

11. Hope for the best in everyone.

12. If you fail to do any of your commandments, don't beat yourself up take baby steps, do one a day and build from there.

[kksd]

10:23 AM on 02/20/2012

1.laugh at nonsense
2.don't be controlled by emotion
3.Hope
4. use discipline
5. take care of the body first
6. you are not the center of the universe
7. know where your power lies
8. accept that there are things you know, things you know you don’t know, and things you don’t know that you don’t know
9.You can control one person-You
10.Perfect is a bad word

[Kristin Talbott]

08:54 PM on 02/19/2012

Be honest about the important things, even when doing so might make you uncomfortable.

Be kind in your honesty.

Laughing isn't something to be ashamed of, even if you tend to do it quite loudly.

Every once in awhile, look at something you've always done and ask yourself if you're still doing it for any other reason than because you've always done it. If not, stop doing it.

The sky is a really cool place. Look up.

If you meet someone you could love, don't talk yourself out of it. Some gifts you just don't give back.

[randinoel]

08:42 PM on 02/19/2012

thats inspiring

[huff1account]

05:38 PM on 02/19/2012

Don't confuse worrying with planning.
Do your best, that's all anyone can do.
Live one day at a time.
Don't neglect your spiritual side.
There is always a reason to be hopeful.
Be appreciative of all that you have been given.
Work hard, play hard, sleep hard.
Let the past be a guide, but not a limitation.
Accept and give help.

[buminthesun421]

02:52 PM on 02/19/2012

1. Never trust anyone.
2. Refer to #1
3. Refer to #2
4. etc
5. etc.

[nyash12345]

01:10 PM on 02/19/2012

1. Give God thanks every morning that your eyes are open and treat your body as a temple.
2. Be thankful for what you have and take extremely good care of it.
3. Strive toward knowing the will of God for your life.
4. Identify that which is not of God. (Bad things). Everybody has the ability to identify but not everyone can articulate.
5. Do not lie and deceive. If you lie you will steal. If you will steal you will murder.
6. Do not take a life. It is not yours to destroy.
7. Do not worship material people, places and things.
8. Do not steal. People (interfere in others relationships etc. innocent children, teens and adults for trafficking people for sex and money, violate their bodies ), Places (promotions, false representation of rental and sales agreements etc.), Things ( money, autos, ampliances, jewelery, pets, clothing, medication, drugs etc.) Do this and you will be a bona fide LOSER.
9. Discipline your children and respect and revere the powers of PROCREATION
10. Shun the devil as every bad seed that is sown will be reaped, but not harvested.

One Love

[julietbaby]

09:15 AM on 02/19/2012

Hola Queridos,

Me gustaría poder conocer a usted para
tengo el placer de tenerlo como mi amigo
para un amigo tiene que ver con el respeto,,, admiración y
La pasión es también la amistad consiste en el intercambio de ideas y
que muestra el verdadero amor, sin trucos,,, mentiras y traicionar y tengo este mi
sentimientos para compartir con ustedes, por lo que podemos ser buenos amigos?
Soy la señorita Julieta por su nombre. a la espera de saber de ti voy a enviar mi foto
por favor ponerse en contacto conmigo al ([e-mail]) gracias por la bienvenida a mis direcciones

[Liona Rowan]

09:26 PM on 02/18/2012

don't lie (not even "little white lies" because lies always, always end in betrayal. always)
don't steal
don't treat people like shit
say what you mean
mean what you say
if you don't mean it, don't say it
kind is free
polite is free
you are not required to like everyone, you are required to be polite to everyone (it's FREE)
keep a sense of humor.
give everyone the benefit of the doubt once
when people show you who they are, believe them. really really believe them (thanks Maya Angelou)
not everyone will like you, it's ok. You don't like everyone either.
tell the people you love that you love them. often. really. they need to hear it, you need to say it.

[sasheldon]

03:12 PM on 02/18/2012

Happiness for women serving in the US Marine Corps is validation of their status as combat-savvy troops in support of their fellow Marines in the war in Afghanistan--all of which is considered a combat zone. The DoD has finally made legitimate their combat roles in Iraq, in searching homes where male Marines can't follow women running to hide; patting down women entering sensitive areas for possible hidden weapons, when male Marines couldn't even make eye contact with the women; women Marines also built triage stations, rest & meal areas in the midst of battles, delivered ammo and supplies by truck, returned fire alongside the men when ambushed on roads, on patrols, etc. Not the sort of daily happiness the rest of us think about here where nary a thought is given to war. More in the textbook published by Praeger Security International: "The Few. The Proud. Women Marines in Harm's Way."

[HallowellCenter]

01:38 PM on 02/18/2012

This is a great post. Writing lists can be so effective; especially when it focuses on something so positive. A colleague once told me that he would recite a simple, positive affirmation every morning before leaving for work. It was usually along the lines of "I choose to be happy today". I didn't think much about it at the time, but you'd be amazed at how these little reminders can change your whole outlook.

[MarenS]

12:35 PM on 02/18/2012

This is great. MIne are a little different, and I call them mantras.
They are :
Respect myself (I frequently don't and overgive at my own expense)
Be positive, productive (not busy) and assertive in all endeavors.
Be autonomous (i.e not caring what others think) but connect with others
Create
Be selfish and say NO. (Its OK to say NO and I need to do it more often.)
Exercise body, nourish body and soul,
Pay myself first (only after this can I truly afford it)
Let go of the nonsense (and there is plenty - it distracts and steals my time)

[livingbettertherapy]

11:52 AM on 02/18/2012

1) Forgive, Help and Love others. 2) Eat moderately and exercise so that you can keep repeating one for a very long time. 3) Don't "do" the feeling, do the right thing always and the feeling will eventually appear.