06/02/2011 03:18 pm ET

Busman's Holiday With Sarah Palin

May 26th
So far my trip across America has been spectacular. It's so much better than when I was campaigning with Grandpa Grumpyballs. He never let the bus go more than 45 miles an hour and he had the turn signal on the whole time.

I've met so many interesting Americans, though it turns out most of them are cameramen for Fox News.

May 27th
It's so great to be in Washington, D.C. Today we visited the National Archives, which is where they keep a lot of famous stuff I've never read. Todd was disappointed because when I told him that we were going to see the Constitution, he thought it was a battleship.

We also visited Mount Vernon, which is where George Washington lived. It turns out that George Washington was a real person, not just the name of high schools in the part of town where I never go. The tour guide told me Washington turned down a chance to serve more than two terms as president, even though he could have stayed in office. I wonder if he had a deal with Fox News too?

May 28th
Philadelphia. We visited the Liberty Bell. They really oughta fix that thing.

Gettysburg. I was truly stirred to be at the site where so many Americans fought. I only wish John McCain could have come to show me where he was captured.

May 31
We just got into New York City today. It was kind of a disappointment. The Statue of Liberty doesn't look as good as the one in Las Vegas, and there was no roller-coaster or slot machines.

Ellis Island was beautiful. It's always a treat to visit a foreign country.

After we toured the city, I had dinner with Donald Trump at a pizzeria. (Did you know that in New York City pizza doesn't come out of a freezer in the supermarket? What will they think of next?) Donald was very nice to me and gave me lots of advice about pretending to run for president in order to make more money.