THE BLOG

Featuring fresh takes and real-time analysis from HuffPost's signature lineup of contributors

Hale Dwoskin Headshot

Stop Blaming Yourself for Your Life

Posted: Updated:
Print

"You are responsible for your life."

At one time or another, you've probably heard this. And although it's true on many levels, it doesn't tell the whole story.

Before taking responsibility for our lives, many people play the role of the victim and blame their circumstances or other people for their misfortunes and woes. This makes them feel like life is controlling them and that they're being dragged behind the bus, so to speak.

When you feel like this, it's easy to do desperate or silly things to attempt to regain a feeling of control. But projecting problems outside of yourself -- or even onto your own "negative" thoughts and feelings -- will not make your life any better.

Unfortunately, the next step as people begin to take responsibility for their lives without digging any deeper is to blame themselves for everything "bad" that happens. While this appears to be better than blaming everyone and everything else, it's still indulging in blame -- blame that's directed inward toward the self, instead of outward toward others.

Going Beyond The Blame Game

A healthier alternative is to go beyond the blame game and use what does or does not happen in your life as a wonderful tool for moving through obstacles and motivating yourself to take positive action.

When you move beyond blame, you can truly take "response-ability" -- which is simply the ability to respond appropriately in any given situation -- and stop trying to punish yourself or others for what appear to be mistakes or missteps. Then you can focus your energy on real solutions instead of trying to punish apparent wrongs.

6 Steps To Dissolving Blame

Here is a six-step process for dissolving blame that will help you to free up your energy to create the life you want. Ask yourself this series of questions and answer as compassionately and honestly as you can:

  1. How am I blaming myself or others for what is happening in my life?
  2. Could I welcome whatever thoughts or feelings that brings up inside of me?
  3. Could I let that go?
  4. Would I let that go?
  5. When?
  6. Can I let go of wanting to blame myself or others for what happens and love what is as best I can?

Your mind may protest letting go of blame because you don't want to let yourself or someone else off the hook. But when you hold onto blame, the same patterns simply repeat themselves. And the only thing you gain from that -- besides more suffering -- is holding onto being right instead of being free.

Letting go of blame is very powerful; however, it's only just a stepping stone to an even more powerful and profound way of perceiving life.

Beyond Doing

When it comes to what's unfolding in your life, what if you (and everyone else) are not "doing" anything? What if we're all being lived by the Power That Is the Way? What if all of us are part of a unified field of consciousness that's manifesting all action and inaction? I know this may seem like an outrageous point of view, but if you're open to exploring this perspective, you may find a whole new world opens up to you.

This world is naturally free of blame. It's also free of pride and anger. I would recommend that you simply ponder these questions and notice what happens inside of you. If this is too much for you right now, then simply stick with taking responsibility and letting go of blame.

As you discover that you're responsible for what happens in your life -- and eventually you uncover and live more as that which is beyond both blame and responsibility -- you will find that it gets harder and harder to blame yourself or others for what is or is not happening in your life. You find yourself taking appropriate action from moment to moment and allowing life to simply unfold as it does. This frees up a tremendous amount of energy for good. It's also very relaxing and inwardly enlivening.

When we live beyond blame, we tend to look more for what is mutual and for everyone's highest and best good -- and thereby create that in our lives and in the world at large.

Please join me in picturing and participating in a world beyond blame.

Please also comment below and let me know how you are moving beyond blame.

We've just released Money Now, a new, free Letting Go app for iPhone and Android phones and tablets. Click here to download the app and find out more about what you can do to ensure that you are empowering yourself to abundance and not blaming the economy or anything else for what you experience in life.

This post is based on the principles explored in the new movie, "Letting Go: Transform Your Life, Transform the World," featuring me. It is the culmination of over three decades of experience with a simple, powerful, elegant and easy-to-learn technique that shows you how to tap your natural ability to let go instantaneously of any uncomfortable or unwanted feeling, thought or belief. For more information, visit www.LettingGo.tv. or Sedona.com.

From Our Partners