Trying to find a roommate off of Craigslist is one of the creepiest things a person can do -- next to taking a Scientology E-meter test. The red flags, of the bumpy road ahead, are usually right in the ads. Are Craigslist roommates a useful home improvement like, say, a gutter guard, or are they a bad home improvement like, say, a psycho who might hover over your bed in the middle of the night.
Here are a few Craigslist roommate wanted ads that will keep you from sleeping. Run for the hills -- there's plenty of trouble ahead...
London: £50 Cheap fully furnished roomFirst thing you should probably know is I'm a bit of a perv and I'm looking for an attractive female house mate, the kind of girl who likes to walk around in her underwear or leave her bedroom door slightly ajar when getting changed. I'm not looking for sex or touching, just a bit of voyeuristic watching.
A little about me, I'm 28, single, professional, quite good looking. Love animals especially cats.
My Take: I'm glad your new roommate loves cats. This guy doesn't want sex; he just wants to stare at you through all the web cams he's set up in everyone room of the house. Nothing creepy there.
(Miami) $200 Female Roomate Wanted ASAP!!!!
Professional male looking for a female roomate over 22. In exchange for rent she will receive as many as 3 FREE swedish massages per week, (NO SEX) as I am training to update my educational hours to continue my massage practice. Must Love to get a swedish massage.
My Take: Why I loooooove Swedish massages. This also an ideal scenario: My new strange roommate constantly laying his hands on me.
Los Angeles: Older gent looking for companionship... no sex
I would like a good looking young girl to live with me.I have a nice condo in the Marina overlooking the boats.
Your own bedroom and bathroom.I am a bit old and I am no longer interested in sex, but would like to have a nice female to brighten up my day.
Send me a picture or two and the nicest one wins.
My Take: Hey! It's like a fun contest involving an older gent as the prize. All you young girls have to do is send this older gentleman photos of yourself. He'll then look through all the photos of the young girls. Then he'll pick a winner. Who knows? It could be you! Then all you have to do is brighten this older gentleman's day!
London: £1 Cheap room - make me an offer
I've got a spare room in my house that isn't being used. I'm male professional and I'd like to share my house with someone of the opposite sex. I don't need the money but I do need a bit of a female touch around the house. So instead of rent we'd work out something were you cook and clean until it makes up what the rent should roughly be, which I think is about 300-350 / month.
let me know if you're interested or if you want to discuss rent arrangements further.
My Take: "Rent arrangements" is the new vernacular for sex arrangements.
Orange County, Calif.: Houseboy 18-19 wanted
thin 18-19 wantedI'm big tall white guy
No sex required, prefer straight or not too gay, no ciggarettes
share room
My Take: "Houseboy" is the new vernacular for male prostitute.
Austin: $50 need female roommate
need female roommate to share my bed with hey i didnt say any thing about sex i just have an empty space in my bed and would like it to be filled must be semi attractive this is only half way joking so if you think its a good idea email me and will talk by the way i am a guy just to let you know
My Take: Your new roommate is only half-joking. The other half is non-joking!