Like most citizens of San Francisco, I enjoy drinking in dive bars. I also enjoy being on TV. When the planets are in the right place, I find the combination of the two as comfortable as an ergonomic chair. So bless our lucky stars, for this Saturday I can be found swiftly downing pints of beer on the Spike TV show, Bar Rescue. (Saturday, 10pm on Spike.)
As I reported back in June, Bar Rescue is like Kitchen Nightmares -- but with bars. (Do you get it?)
Instead of Gordon Ramsey dishing out the tough love, we have renowned bar and restaurant consultant Jon Taffer -- dishing out the tough love. (Think of him as Gordon Barsey.) Heads butt. Tempers flair. Taffer's in-your-face approach rocks the establishment's old guard in an attempt to turn the dive around into a profitable drinking joint. Look out!
And I was on hand during the filming to drink tons of free drinks and give my astute observations on the proceedings.
But my on-camera presence must have been a complete back pain for the Bar Rescue production crew: As I finished my umpteenth O.C. Bomber, Spike's cameras swung my way to make TV history.
"What do you think of the bar?" asked the producer -- wanting my insightful observations.
"I thought it was going to be a complete train-wreck but I ended up having a great time. I love divey bars like this." I spewed with ear-to-ear drunken smile -- as the free bar tab rolled.
The producer then made an unhappy face; did that mean I was going to end up on the cutting room floor? So I schticked it up for the cameras -- not to deflate my dream of being seen drunk on America's TV screens. (USA! USA! USA!)
"But look at these floors," I began to rant. "It's the exact same floor we had in our high school bathroom. Who wants to drink at a bar that has the floor of their high school's bathroom? What about the fake brick wall? What is this, a 1980's comedy club!?
I rambled on like this for another ten minutes -- trying to make good TV.
This Saturday, when you settle into your ergonomic chair, don't be shocked -- when I got my advanced screening copy of this Saturday's episode -- I found my role was greatly reduced to drinking frequently in the vicinity of host Jon Taffer -- that's show biz!
Still, this is my 3rd appearance on Spike TV. Need I also remind you of my famed role as a cross-dressing authority on the show, 1000 Ways to Die: