Why Does Michelle Obama Drive People Crazy?

To my knowledge, I have never met Michelle Obama. This is actually surprising. She was in my Princeton graduating class, but I was ensconced in the engineering quadrangle, and she was in another department. I might have introduced myself, but I suspect she was the sort of shiksa goddess I feared to approach. We overlapped at Harvard. I was--again--ensconced across the campus. Fifteen years later, we both did health work at the University of Chicago. I work with many people who know her personally and have worked with her closely. I arrived a year or so too late to rank in that number.

Maybe if I actually knew her, I would understand why this mild-mannered person drives otherwise-sane people crazy. Maureen Dowd and David Brooks famously obsessed in the back of a cab about Mrs. Obama's biceps--a conversation which Ms. Dowd deemed a worthy centerpiece of a published column. Mrs. Obama's European travels occasioned Branjelina-level commentary on her wardrobe. Conservative commentators are still stewing over some blunt comments she made during the campaign. Yesterday, a friend sent me David Samuels's recent column about her from New York magazine. The money quote reads:

There are clear limits to Michelle's ambition. She went to excellent schools, got decent grades, stayed away from too much intellectual heavy lifting, and held a series of practical, modestly salaried jobs while accommodating her husband's wilder dreams and raising two lovely daughters. In this, she is a more practical role model for young women than Hillary Clinton, blending her calculations about family and career with an expectation of normal personal happiness.

As Katha Pollitt observes, this is an odd description of a conspicuously driven and successful Harvard lawyer whose last position was a VP slot at one of America's leading academic medical centers. (Samuels elaborates--to my mind gets weirder--here.)

I'll bet 10,000 doctoral dissertations are being penned to explain how and why onlookers project so much onto the person of Michelle Obama. As with Hillary Clinton and Laura Bush before her, we prefer our first-ladies to be cardboard icons rather than as the actual human beings they are.

I will simply add two things to this flood of commentary and blather.

First, I spend much of my day traveling Chicago meeting people in public health work. Some are connected with President Obama. Many more are connected to Michelle, and report something substantive that she said or did pertinent to the work at hand. She was no lobbyist or figurehead. She had a real job. It was to navigate intricate logistical, financial, and political issues of linking a university medical center with local networks of collaborating providers. People around town seem to think that she did a good job. If Mr. Samuels does not regard this as "intellectual heavy lifting," he should come on over and try himself.

Second, she strikes me as a supercharged version of many successful women I know, who combine several personal and political qualities we don't expect to find in a single person. She is (a) a driven and privileged Ivy League professional, (b) drawn by personal experience and a larger history to be occasionally ambivalent in her expressions of American nationalism, (c) a committed mom who enjoys baking cookies for her kids, and (d) someone who enjoys the occasional workout and wearing nice clothes. This being Chicago, many of the women I'm thinking about are African-American. Yet successful Jewish women of my mom's generation shared many of these qualities, as their daughters often do today.

Michelle Obama goes on with life as if there are sometimes difficult tradeoffs but no inherent contradiction among these different identities and goals. This drives some people crazy. As my mother might say, they'd better get used to it.

Comments

[brijit]

Why does Michelle Obama drive people crazy? Because she's not a Republican. These Democrats have no business in the White House!

[tyger]

I think insecure people masquerading as real people dislike Mechelle because she is confident enough to be herself. Mechelle understands that you can't please all the people all the time, and you can't please some of the people some of the time. It would seem her parents instilled in her the confidence to be herself and choose her own path in life. Pres and First Lady Obama are what a real marriage should be but so often aren't. You have your personal pursuits supported by your partner who is as invested in your life as you in theirs. Then there's the family side of the kid's well being which is tied into the well being of the marriage. Listen and watch America, unlike the pretend marriages of past politicians, the Obamas are for real!!

[inmyhumbleopinion]

Hear, hear!

I blame the constant criticism of Michelle on one simple thing: jealousy. We've all known people like her--great scholars, great athletes, good-looking, warm and kind, and real go-getters--and the tendency for many is to step back and say, "I hate them", or, "it's so unfair for one person to have so many gifts".

But how petty is that attitude? Michelle Obama is probably one of the most capable and accomplished women of my generation, and a wonderful role model for our girls today. It makes my blood boil to read quotes like David Samuel's in saying Michelle is "a more practical role model" by being a demonstrably good mother, because it tries to pigeon-hole her. Motherhood is only one aspect of her life, just as it's only one aspect of mine.

I find it mind-boggling that in this day and age, we're still debating gender roles and whether or not women "can have it all". Whether or not women want it all is beside the point; we should focus on making it clear to young women that how much or how little they take on is their choice, and should be based on how hard they are willing to work. We need to keep all the doors open, not shut avenues down because of some pre-conceived notion of what's appropriate.

I say, good for Michelle. She's a credit to all of us.

[JScott]

I hope it does drive all her snarkers crazy as the last part of the post said---->GET USED TO IT!!

[DavidSamuels]

A word also seems to be in order about Katha Pollitt's wonderfully dated Norman-Mai­ler-at-Tow­n-Hall-era posturing in The Nation, which ripped off Rebecca Traister's previous post in Salon. Michelle's salary of $273,618 was for a job as a lobbyist for the University of Chicago Hospitals to which she was abruptly promoted after her husband was elected to the US Senate in 2004. A nice little kicker, to be sure. But that's not the salary that Michelle Obama earned while she was having kids and working the practical professional jobs to which I refer in my piece. Michelle's salary during those years ranged between $50,343 and $121,910, which hardly puts her in the top 75% of her graduating class at Princeton -- let alone Harvard Law School. But again, so what? I admire Michelle Obama's self-possession and her sanity, and her ability to make choices that made her and her family happy. Her defenders are a different story.

[HAP]

David--sorry I missed your comment earlier. Your writing shows genuine fondness and respect for Michelle Obama, but I think you miss some key points. She did a lot of real non-lobbying work around here in a very challenging arena. She is a much more driven and accomplished person than your profile implies. I agree that she has made choices to make herself and her family happy. Yet I think you are projecting her as a response to a Hillary Clinton alternative that was, itself, one-dimensional.

Two other things. First, I think of myself as pretty driven. I'm not giving anything away to say that I don't make $273,000. Second, I don't think it fair to say that Ms. Pollitt ripped off Rebecca Traister's prior post, which Poliitt specifically praises. I doubt very much that Traister feels ripped off here.

[lovelivelaugh14]

You are spot-on. I appreciate your insight.

[justafarmer]

During more than a half-century of life, I've spent maybe 5 years in big cities, the rest of the time in rural framing areas.
Michelle is "someone" I have met and worked with time and time again. She's the one who sits on the local health provider board, works next to me at the local food pantry and keeping the county chamber of commerce treading water when everything is crashing economically (and the biggest and best placed businesses have backed out of the chamber the last two years...sigh...it's the small businesses keeping hte Chamber going).

[propitiousmoment]

I posted this elsewhere but I'll say it again here. Michelle Obama spends most of her time saying she wants to bake cookies and take care of her kids bc that's what she has to be to in any measure appease the haters. Remember what they did to Hillary Clinton? MO has totally sublimated the career side of her life and her intellectual power to the higher cause of her husband's career. It is one of the unmentioned tragedies of the whole election story, imo. Tragic, but given the state of our culture, unfortunately necessary if we were to have her husband in the highest office. The racist, sexist, troglodytes who spew filthy insults against her don't deserve to kiss the ground she walks on.

[nomobull]

maybe she doesn't think it is tragic because maybe she really does enjoy baking cookies with her girls. you can have it all just not always at the same time. Michelle doesn't seem to be the kind who doesn't do anything she doesn't want to do. maybe she willingly gave up her job because she saw a way to make a bigger difference as first lady. and Obama obviously is very used to strong women. and my guess he makes sureshe knows how much he appreciates her and her sacrifices.I see her choices as more of an indication of the kind of man Obama is and not what society thinks. and that's why she is a good example.

[Khrish]

Well said. I don't know why people keep going on and on about what and who Mrs. Obama is. I think that there are many who have just never know Black American Life at this level. there are some sterotypes that linger in the corners of White America's minds because they have only had contact with Black people who work for them or the ones they read about in the press or see on the evening news. Some, because it is important to believe that there is only one kind of life in Black America, the negative one, which allows them to cling to the feelings of being superior. As a senior citizen, I have known many women like Mrs. Obama and I find nothing strange or unusual about her. I know that I am very proud to see this image that many of us know in our own communities projected to all of America. Maybe these people are forced to look at things differently; the way they really are.

[timewaster2dcore]

"troglodytes"

ROTFLOL

[karela]

Michelle, as a matter of fact, has spent most of her time since arriving at the White House, in zipping around Washington and getting to know the people in different areas of government, in working with school kids, in representing the nation in Europe AND in being a great mother. Michelle's kids offer the best proof that they get quality time with their Mom and Dad----Have you ever watched those girls when they're with either of their parents casually? They melt, they look intently into their parent's eyes, they don't clamor for attention because they're confident they have their parent's notice. Those girls are the best proof there is that Michelle doesn't just "talk" about being a good Mom. As for her drive: before they ran for office, Michelle's income was more than twice what Barack's was as a Senator. The only reason they were able to afford for her to quit and help him campaign was that Barack wrote a couple of books and people wanted to read them after the 2004 convention speech. Michelle had a responsible job and she served her community. Now, you may think that isn't up to your standards, but most of us would think that a woman who could do all that, be an involved and loving mother and keep her love affair with her mate warm and intimate-----well, maybe your standards are a little unrealistic if that isn't enough for you. Are you into Wall Street hedge funds?

[propitiousmoment]

For pete's sake, I am not criticizing Michelle, I am pointing out that she is perfectly capable of being wondermom as well as maintaining an active role in the larger world. Why don't you read my post again and then make an informed reply.

[ChiEg]

Good write-up Harold...

It isn't terribly mindboggling the hate-filled attacks on Mrs Obama;

She is afterall in the minds of many of her detractors (some so-called "progressives" included), a black (!!) woman who simply does not know her place...

One hears and reads it (or some subtext of it ), in every conversation and article written about this first lady...the condescension, the disrespect, the curt and dismissive jabs...as if she were a usurper and somehow undeserving of this role - unpaid and informal support to her husband, the President...

And we all know why a well-disciplined, focused, hard-working, Princeton and Harvard educated, dedicated and successful wife and mother, fully living out much-touted but rarely actualised, REAL FAMILY VALUES would be such a target-

Mrs Obama elicits such venom from those who promote Sarah Palin and would rather a woman of Ms. Palin's ilk as President of the United States (!!!), but not a woman of Michelle Obama's stature as First Lady of these United States...??!! Stunning huh...?!

It's really a rather sorry commentary on our country and how incredibly successful the "conservative" movement has been in furthering the dumbing down of America while pushing it's very racist agenda...

[RGray]

"It's really a rather sorry commentary on our country and how incredibly successful the "conservative" movement has been in furthering the dumbing down of America while pushing it's very racist agenda..."


Truer words have never been written. We must be prepared to shut out their noise for the next eight years or more.

[Pema]

Some people will get upset with you for smiling, its not worth concerning over. their motives are stuck place in their personal unhappiness account.

[karela]

Barack and Michelle don't listen. They seldom watch cable TV news. They didn't read polls during the campaign. They just try to do their best and they listen to real people as much as they possibly can. And then they let it go. They're too busy living their lives to bother with the likes of the Becks, O'Reilly's, Hannity's and other jealous sharks in the water.

A wise man told me this: "The only way to be at peace is to be independent of both the good and bad opinions of other people." If you like praise too much, you can begin to lose your own inner vision and begin chasing after it. If you worry about criticism too much, you can become crippled in your efforts to avoid failure. Stay centered and move forward according to the lights that are given to you. The Obama's certainly have that cool, calm and centered thing down don't they!

[propitiousmoment]

Nicely put.

[RGray]

Agreed. I would warily add that what you are witnessing is what is commonly recognized as the black tax. Legitimate criticisms are always respected, however, illigitimate critics such as Mr. Samuels are fraught with insecurity and personal inadequacy. They are emboldened to level outlandish charges against the Obamas because they know they have license to do so with impugnity as part of "The Ugly American" majority. To achieve their level of success and receive their ordinary due, the Obamas have always had to work twice as hard and perform extraordinarily well. People like Mr. Samuels are very threatened by our dynamic and accomplished President Obama and First Lady Michelle, and will stop at nothing in their attempts to diminish them. Fortunately, it is not possible.