Oh man, wasn't last week's National Enquirer Presidential Debate phenomenal? We talked about all the important issues. Talked, again, about Hillary (not gonna vote for a ban on clusterbomb use in heavily populated areas because I don't want to look weak on national security) Clinton not actually being under depleted uranium sniper fire and if there was some sort of spiritual epiphany she had when she was 12 walking through an afternoon field of flowers when God appeared to her and told her to take back Orleans. Or was that Obama's Compassion Forum question? (shaking my face really hard like an etch-a-sketch) No, his was about some guy he'd never met who just so happened to be wearing an Obama button while flagging down UFOs in an Indianapolis Colts jersey and singing the old Russian national anthem in between blogging sessions about hope, how stupid Clinton supporters are, and how important it is for Democrats to unite. These are my questions: Why does God let horrible debates happen during one of the most critical moments in our nation's history? And, Who were the money changers wearing when Jesus ejected them from the God game on temple day...because I bet they looked fabulous. Ok, I'm back again to talk about the Federal Reserve bailout all star team. The players, the warm-up, and the stats. I know it's boring, but they're robbing you and it's not really in the news. Okay, for those of you keeping score, It's four, five, I dunno how many hundred billion for Wall Street to your $600 stimulus diversion (as I call it), but we don't know yet and I can't count that high. Put your children on mute, let's sit dow at the kitchen table and try to keep them from taking your gravy, house, n' savings. This week I'm giving you my 13 cents. I've adjusted my rhetoric for inflation.
By now we are all starting to realize that the kegger mc'd by our presidential candidates and their Wall Street buddies is having dramatic effects on our assorted wallets and purses. It's like we all went out to eat a really nice dinner except you ordered a veggie burger and your friend "Wally," who had a 4 lb. succulent steamed lobster with trimmings, forgot his wallet. So, he did the only sensible thing. Wally hopped into his time machine and wizarded his way into the future where he stole your granddaughter's sophomore year tuition money off her cot at the last community college she could afford. While he was there, he also took his bonus for this year (her car, which let's be honest, she couldn't afford to drive anyway). Since the beginning of recorded time, humans have defended their homes with stones, clubs, bronze swords, iron swords, crossbows, humor, muskets, rifles, and now check books and sometimes votes. During this presidential election campaign, we have seen and will continue to see the candidates and media selectively lip sync their favorite classics from the founding fathers catalogue, kind-of like the times when they let us come up for air at the ABC debate on Wednesday. They probably won't drop these hits from Thomas Jefferson: "The spirit of this country is totally adverse to a large military force." or this gem: "Merchants have no country. The mere spot they stand on does not constitute so strong an attachment as that from which they draw their gains." I don't think he liked bankers. His Vice President Aaron Burr actually killed Alexander Hamilton, Secretary of the Treasury and founder of the first national bank, in a duel. Don't worry, it wasn't over banking. Apparently, Hamilton was talking some smack at someone's campaign fundraiser. Anyhow, Jefferson and Burr had formed the Democratic-Republican party (it's true) to oppose the interventionist foreign policy, high tariffs (tax), military spending, national debt, and the national bank advocated by Hamilton's Federalist Party.
In fact, Benjamin Franklin, before he was hit by lightening, argued that the revolutionary war was actually caused by oppressive banking practices when he said: "The Colonies would gladly have borne the little tax on tea and other matters had it not been the poverty caused by the bad influence of the English bankers on the Parliament, which has caused in the Colonies hatred of England and the Revolutionary War." (and) "9th. That the duties imposed by several late acts of Parliament, from the peculiar circumstances of these colonies, will be extremely burthensome and grievous, and, from the scarcity of specie (coins), the payment of them absolutely impracticable." (The Declaration of Rights of the Stamp Act Congress) And with that, a few farmers said, No, we're not going to pay for it. The British are coming, the British are coming, and they won. You've heard the stories of being able to follow the continental armies movements from the blood of their feet in the snow. All to say no to debt. Things were different in those days. If you picked up a pitchfork and torch these days, you probably wouldn't make it very far past the full body-armored, tax funded, automatic weapon-toting storm troopers guarding our patriotic money changers while they transfer their assets to Dubai. Even Jesus couldn't pull that one off in the end. My personal heaven is a place where you're not taxed for everything you do and your kids don't sign up for wars when they get their drivers licenses.
A few weeks ago, with our national debt topping $9,417,780,760,944 (a pile of cash visible from heaven), President Bush II, the strict constitutionalist, proposed what the New York Times calls "the most sweeping changes since the Great Depression." Here's a text message picture from that article of him smirking (center) next to Treasure Secretary Henry Paulson (left with that tongue out trick, I hear it was a hit back in the Goldman Sachs days. I can't wait till he gets more oversight over his old workplace.) and Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke as he announced a plan to "expand the role of the President's Working Group on Financial Markets to include the entire financial sector and not just financial markets." I had to do it sideways.
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This following a "routine" meeting of over 48 executives from the nation's largest corporations which form his working group. Can't call in the Bin Ladens like the ole Texas oil days, or your Nazi Party business associates like investment banker grandpappy Prescott Bush. It's strange how multiple generations of the Bush family seem to make money from both sides of the wars we end up fighting. Sounds like the Bushes are stronger on their personal financial security than national security. I'm looking forward to the post-presidential speaking engagement tour. Quick, look over there, It's always routine to have the leaders of all major industries over for a casual chat during an ongoing economic crises, especially if you want to cover your collective tracks and enable their latest round of exorbitant bonuses. According to the International Herald Tribune, "Top-performing retail brokers (recent Bear Sterns brokers) are due to receive a bonus of as much as 100 percent of their annual production -- 75 percent in cash and 25 percent in stock." What does "top-performing" mean? That you didn't jump out the window after you bankrupted a tiny Norwegian town by selling them good ole fashioned bundled american sub-prime mortages. As I mentioned last week, the J.P. Morgan buyout was backed by 30 billion in taxpayer money. Think of that when you see how much is deducted from your weekly paycheck every week for the rest of your life as the U.S. Military demands the return of signing bonuses from thousands of wounded service personnel because they are unable to serve out their commitments. Support the troops indeed. Vikram Pandit received a 216 million dollar incentive to join Citigroup as Former CEO Charles Prince III received a 10.4 million dollar bonus on the way out. This as Citigroup shares fell 47% and write-offs exceeded 20 billion. These are the people with access to 100s of billions in Federal Reserve bailout funds. These are the people we're asking to self-regulate. From the Times Online: "(Citigroup) is likely to suffer much larger writedowns next year, as defaults on mortgages, credit card debt and car financing are set to soar... In 2008, the write-offs will probably rise to about 4 per cent ($30 billion) or even 5 per cent ($37 billion), according to Chris Whalen, managing director of Institutional Risk Analytics. Mortgages make up about $250 billion of Citigroup's loans, while credit cards account for a further $100 billion." This is just one example of the companies our government officials continue to bail out. You think we're gonna be able to afford universal healthcare? I'd leave my own child behind for 216 million.
After Ford's 2.3 billion dollar fire sale of Jaguar and Land Rover a couple weeks ago to Indian Car Manufacturer TaTa when they were purchased in 2000 by Ford for 5 billion, it makes you wonder why our government doesn't just complete it's socialist crony evolution and directly snap up companies. Seems like a relative bargain. Plus, then we could say "Support the troops, Test drive the new Jaguar today." Instead, we'll settle for a new approach to outsourced American jobs. Just sell the companies abroad for half. Plus, If they're paying with Euros, that's more than a 75% discount off the original price.
It almost makes up for colonialization, but not.