They witnessed the scratches, the burns, the hunger and the fear in the eyes of two little boys. Looking back now, relatives, neighbors and family friends admit to reporters they suspected trouble. On two separate coasts, in communities thousands of miles apart, there is a sickening similarity between two recent accounts of child abuse. In the case of a Los Angeles 5-year-old allegedly tortured by his own mother and in the beating death of a New York City 3-year-old, the signs were ignored by people who could have intervened.
I read about both of these young victims on the same day last week. And I could not get their stories out of my mind. I still cannot.
The Los Angeles Times chronicled the chilling saga of the 5-year-old boy who authorities allege was systematically brutalized for more than a year. The New York Times covered the funeral of 3-year-old Kyle Smith, whose foster mother and live-in boyfriend have been accused of victimizing the toddler with unspeakable acts.
I read these stories as a mother. My ears are primed to respond to the cries of my children -- or any children, for that matter. Even in the dead of sleep, ANY wail or whine from the nursery down the hall wakes me. I feel compelled to check - to make sure everything is all right. I cannot stop thinking about what neighbors of these tiny victims must have heard from behind closed doors. The screams they tuned out.
There were instances in each of these cases in which government agencies failed these children. And I so wanted to blame the system for what happened. In my mind, I theorized, maybe an overworked social worker with hundreds of cases, was unable to follow up? I wanted some rational explanation for what befell these kids - in particular, the 5-year-old from South L.A. I called the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Families (DCFS) in search of some answers. I was told that while there were things authorities could have handled better, including information sharing about the victim and his mother among several public offices (the county investigated allegations of abuse three years ago but was unable to substantiate the claims), that this was not a situation that had anything to do with scarce resources - an amazing concession at a time DCFS is facing $25 million in proposed state budget cuts. Instead, I was told it came down to the sad reality that people who knew the boy looked the other way. Spokeswoman Louise Grasmehr explained plainly, "We can't investigate unless we get the call into the hotline." And in fact, it wasn't until a complete stranger alerted officials earlier this month that the 5-year-old was rescued. The good Samaritan reportedly overheard the little boy talking about someone burning his hands on a stove and the person phoned it in. (On a bright note, I learned from DCFS that the boy is recovering well in the hospital this week. Local surgeons have offered their services to reconstruct the child's disfigured hands.)
What has come to light in news reports this past week is that people in both of these children's lives knew what was going on. From the great-grandmother who told the L.A. Times she noticed scratches and welts but dropped the subject when she was told he was attacked by a dog to the Brooklyn neighbor who told Newsday he saw little Kyle Smith shivering outside on a cold February day in a t-shirt and shorts as his foster mother screamed at him to stay outside...people failed to act. It is outrageous and disturbing. But unfortunately, according to child welfare officials and experts, all too common.
"For the most part, it's fear of what's going to happen, fear of nothing happening, fear of collateral consequences, and denial, that 'it's none of my business, and it can't be as bad as it seems to me," explained Carol Shauffer, executive director of the Youth Law Center in a follow-up story by the L.A. Times.
I know in many communities, the distrust of child protective workers runs deep. And agencies, including DCFS, are working on improving their reputation by focusing on prevention and trying to keep families together after an intervention. What I take away from these tragic news stories is a call to action. These little boys remind us that all of us have a responsibility to protect the most vulnerable among us. Yes, child abuse is often caused by stress stemming from poverty, substance abuse and a cycle of violence. But it knows no boundaries of race, religion, ethnicity, class or community. Violence, verbal, emotional abuse and child neglect are problems that affect all of us. While there are 3 million child abuse reports made every year in the U.S., experts suspect incidents may actually number three times that, according to Childhelp.org, a national child abuse prevention organization. If you or someone you know suspects a child is in danger, please call your local child welfare hotline or the national Childhelp tipline 1-800-4-A-CHILD. Child abuse is everybody's business.
Many of you know I usually write about motherhood and the pursuit of wellness. Please check out my website and weekly email, The Well Mom (thewellmom.com) for more on that topic this week.