Keeping Cool While Keeping Kids Safe

It started with spoiled milk. My eyes were half open at 6:45am as I handed the sippy cups to my
hungry toddlers in our kitchen. Then I caught a sour whiff from the carton that jarred me awake. I snatched the offending sippies from their hands in a flash--but felt sick about it all day.

Of course, I relayed the story to my mom later that morning. She stopped me mid-story "Heather, stop it. You're not a bad mother," she said, "It happens."

Right. Rationally, I know this to be true. But these days, it seems like making sure my milk stays fresh in the fridge (organic milk, of course) is the least of my worries. And on that particular morning, I couldn't do even that right. It was the same week that I got hit with news of yet another toy recall, an FDA investigation into the hazards of infant cold medicines (the very ones I have actually given to my children), and oh, yet another series of studies suggesting my kids are surrounded by a culture that will make them fat and unhealthy.

I know, I know. I have to trust my instincts and do the best I can. But there is a lot of second-guessing when you are a newer parent. (Does it get better as you get more experienced?) I'm still figuring all this stuff out. I guess what I am saying is that it is a lot harder than I ever imagined.

The day after we had the sour milk mess-up, I had scheduled the kids for their flu shots. Prudent, right? I mean, it is the time of year....I've checked with my doctor before about Thimerosol, the vaccine preservative containing mercury that's come under attack for possibly causing autism. Thimerosol is no longer used in most vaccines. And just last week, The New England Journal of Medicine published more research suggesting there is no correlation between immunizations containing Thimerosol and mental and physical development. So I know all of this as we drive to the pediatrician. Still, as we waited for the nurse to inject all four of us (my son, daughter, myself and our nanny), I couldn't help but worry just a teeny, tiny bit. Not enough to say no shots. As my mom would say, I had my heart in my mouth.

The thing is, I feel that way just about every day. I make a decision, any decision - and then second guess it. Not in a paranoid way. But I just worry about the things I can't control. Must be a symptom of the life I used to lead before I had children. Those were the days when I felt very much in charge.

I've decided I can't be the only mom on the planet who was feeling a bit under siege by all of the child hazards in the news last week. Part of striving to be a Well Mom is figuring out how to manage our stress and boost our confidence so we can make our kids feel safe. So here are a few thoughts that might help.

The Well Mom Guide to Keeping Your Cool While Keeping Your Kids Safe:

Get the 4-1-1
Knowledge is power. The more we can find out about recalls, new safety research and trends, the better Well Moms can cope and react. Both the Consumer Product Safety Commission and the FDA offer email alerts so you can find out right away about safety and health risks before they make news. Do your friends a favor and pass on the alerts to your mommy email groups and message boards.

Babycenter.com also provides some excellent health and safety information.

There are also some terrific child safety books out there. But for the purpose of reacting quickly, I think the immediacy of the web is a gift to nervous parents.

Take a Stand
Are you angry about the toxic toys from China?
Moms can make a huge difference by making our voices heard. Check out Momsrising.org to find out about the issues you care about and weigh in.
Next week, on thewellmom.com, I'll be featuring a story about 2 Angry Moms, a new documentary about two moms on a mission to improve the food served in public schools.

Take a Deep Breath
This is the hardest part for me. Becoming a parent makes you realize you have to go with the flow. No matter how much we try to protect our kids, we can only do the very best we can. If we are armed with knowledge, listen to our guts, and respond quickly that is all we can do, right? Then we have to step back and exhale. Tomorrow is another day, as my mom tells me just about every day. (Thank goodness for mothers!)

So, P.S. We've been really conscientious about getting Ian and Samantha excited about enjoying lots of fruits and vegetables. But the Sunday night after the crazy safety hazard week, we let our 19-month-old toddlers try hamburgers and French fries for the first time. I had mixed feelings about introducing them to good ol' American junk food. I couldn't stop myself from ordering steamed broccoli and fruit to go with it. It was a special treat (no - not McDonald's). And in the end, they were soooo cute tasting all these new things. They had such a good time smearing their faces with ketchup. That was precious.

What happens the next morning? I'm on the way to the gym and I hear about the ground beef recall!!

Geez, we can't catch a break.

Follow Heather Cabot on Twitter: www.twitter.com/wellmom

Comments

[lauram]

Hi Heather,

I felt the second guessing stress immediately upon having my daughter and have felt it off and on throughout her toddler years. It does seem to go away a little as they age. Thanks for this great post.

To the poster who accuses Heather of being a bad mother - you are undoubtedly not a mother at all. You are most likely an older single man if I had to guess. You have no idea of what you speak, so in those instances, it's often best to keep your trap (keyboard) shut.

[Zackdog]

I am afraid I have to disagree with your mother you are a bad mother. You are creating OCD kids by giving them the message they live in a dangerous world.You are sentencing them to a life of fear and worry. No kid was every hurt by taking a swallow of sour milk and spitting it out. That's how kids learn about the world. We have never in history been in a safer world nor more worried about it. The type of knowledge you are talking about is not power,it's insanity. It is fear producing crazy to spend your whole day looking for danger and then to pass it on to other insecure mothers. LIfe is nothing but risk. You need to install more trust in your kids, not more fear.

[luziannagirl]

Ms. Cabot

To help put fears in perspective, read any or all of the _Gift of Fear_ works by Gavin de Becker, most specifically, _Protecting the Gift_.

By far, the biggest danger to life and limb for both children and adults is still from vehicular accident---over 50,000 Americans a year with no close second. We hear little about that on the news, yet we do hear about the relatively rare kidnapping death.

I suspect food poisoning death and illness is higher than statistics show, however, and possibly on the rise since the Bush Adminstration favors the philosophy of "small government" and "free markets".

Unfortunately, the news media is not going to do their job of getting USEFUL information out to the public, so moms will have to dig for it themselves.

Grow your own food, buy from local growers, and buy certified organic. Get rid of most of the toys anyway. They stifle creativity. Demand a copy of all your kids' medical records & keep them in a permanent folder. Oh, and turn off the TV, and limit their computer time to one hour a day or less, for homework purposes only. And make them play outside regularly.

Good luck!