Motherhood Isn't Red or Blue

When I think back to where my head was in the days and early months of new motherhood, I could barely get dressed some mornings let alone find the time to dissect and digest world problems. For me, a proud personal victory was taking a shower.

I was planning to go back to work after a few months of maternity leave. And while I ended up not returning to a demanding 24/7 job covering hard news, I have managed to cobble together some part-time work that keeps my mind energized and quells my anxieties about not staying on the hardcore career track. Some days I am perfectly satisfied and comfortable with my decisions. When I have the delicious luxury of sitting and reading to my children at the neighborhood library in the middle of the day or can drop everything when someone is sick or have the time to take them shopping for shoes without stress or time pressures, I know that my choices about work and family were the right ones for us...at this point in time.

There are days when being a mom isn't easy and certainly isn't glamorous. I don't love every single minute of every single day. But through my own experiences, I have come to realize that motherhood in the 21st century isn't black or white... or red or blue. No matter where you stand, steadfast working mom feminist or conservative stay-at-home happy housewife or some combination of the two, the intense scrutiny and debate over Governor Sarah Palin only reinforces to me that how each one of us approaches motherhood is a deeply personal choice. Despite the hype about the "mommy wars," now that I've joined the club, I believe there really is no right or wrong or one size fits all prescription as to how to be the best mother in this day and age. And while I differ in my ideologies from Palin's stands on choice and gun control, I cannot judge her for her decision to step onto the national stage despite having a 4-month-old infant with special needs and a pregnant teenage daughter at home. How could I possibly know what was going through her mind? Who am I to cast stones?

Like many women, I've been riveted by coverage of the little known Governor of Alaska who's been thrust into the media spotlight by the McCain campaign (disclosure: I worked briefly in McCain's Senate office while on a journalism fellowship in 1998). My first reaction to the news that Governor Sarah Palin would be McCain's VP pick was frankly, offense. As if Hillary supporters would just suddenly fall in line behind a pro-life, anti-gun control candidate because she has a vagina. It was insulting. As I started to read more about her background, I thought it seemed to be a smart choice for the GOP to find someone female, fresh-faced and a self-described hockey mom to boot. I'm assuming that the strategists figured that adding a contemporary working mom with modest roots to the ticket would reflect a modernity and down to earth element to a McCain White House. I do not think that the campaign could have predicted how much Palin's personal life would stir up this much conflict among women and mothers, in particular. It is striking to read about feminists questioning whether Palin is a "good mother" and whether she can help lead the country with the full plate of a new baby with Down Syndrome plus a daughter who will give birth around Inauguration Day. Then you have the conservatives who would typically balk at a woman making career a priority over family, lauding both Palin and her daughter for "living their values" by not terminating either of the pregnancies.

But beyond the partisan talking points both the Democrats and Republicans have been turning out over the last few news cycles, I really don't think that any mother can authentically take a side. Once you are in the thick of raising a family, you learn that not everything is clear-cut. We stay home because it's the "right thing to do" and we feel guilty that we are squandering our educations and opportunities afforded to us by the women's movement. We work and we feel angst that we are stretched too thin to properly nurture our families. We struggle to find good childcare and working environments flexible enough to meet the demands of breast feeding and school conferences. Or we try to have it both ways (work at home or work part-time) and find out that that's not the most gratifying on either front. I think most of us are just figuring it out - not to mention the fact that for a majority of mothers, working is a necessity.

I do think that personal decisions DO reflect on character and can provide perspective someone's ability to lead. But at the same time, I feel that as a mother, the Palin controversy serves to underscore to me how much we need to respect the diverse choices of our fellow moms and to keep in mind that unless we walk in the other person's pumps, we really can't comprehend the facts of the matter. We try to raise our children not to be judgmental and neither should we. Motherhood isn't red or blue.

I usually write about motherhood and the pursuit of wellness in mind, body and spirit. Moms, please check out my weekly email, The Well Mom (www.thewellmom.com)
for tips and tricks to caring for yourself as well as you care for everyone else in your life.

Comments

[DarkWitch]

My problem with Sarah Palin is, she would not give you the benefit of the doubt that you are giving her. If she is elected VP, she will be more than willing to dictate our lives and how we raise our children according to her rules that she, like other Repub hypocrites, can't even follow herself. Although she's living in the proverbial glass house, I'm sure she would readily judge most of us mothers according to her standards and find us lacking, plus legislate against our freedom to raise our children as we see fit if she can.

Personally, I would not raise my children the way she is raising hers and don't think much of it as well, but as long as there are no child abuse issues involved she is free to do as she pleases. IMHO her other actions and political record provide more than enough reasons to know she is not qualified for the job of VP and potential POTUS.

[mamacat]

I do judge Gov. Palin for choosing to put career first. That is her choice, and I respect her right to make that choice. I am tired of the right wing raising this issue over and over. For most people on the left, every person is considered qualified to choose their own lifestyle.

However, I do criticise her for trying to take away from all women the right to choose that she demands for herself. I am also scared silly that someone with only 21 months experience in state government would presume to think herself qualified to be the most powerful leader in the world, if something unforeseen happens to McCain.

I am shocked that McCain and the GOP would insult my intelligence by thrusting this woman onto a stage from which she may be thoroughly qualified to entertain, but the evidence that she is qualified to lead the free world is shockingly lacking.

[mamacat]

Oooops. Meant to say "not" in that first sentence.

[dadw5boys]

I always figured mother hood was like fatherhood black and blue.

We all get bruised up trying to raise kids..

[caterpol]

While this may be the politically correct way of looking at things, it's hardly reality or even ideal, unless you believe that being President or Vice President of a country is a part-time, flexible hours, job. I think most of the reality-based community would regard these particular jobs as not only full time, but 24/7----flex hours seeking candidates need not apply.

I think modern feminism has long since abolished the myth that "women can have it all". No we can't. We have to make compromises same as everybody else. In other words, Palin simply doesn't have enough time in the day to be both a "hockey mom" to four children and one special needs infant AND VP of the United Sates of America.

Yet, ironically, if she abandons "hockey mom", she's a non-contender.

[bflcc]

As a stay at home dad I'm a little miffed at all the working mom talk but in the church video Mrs. Palin speaks of her first sons first nanny. I don't recall having a nanny growing up. I'm curious why she gets the credit for working mother with a nanny and there is no such term as a working father. Was this a live-in nanny? Were taxes deducted? Was she paid minimum wage? Many questions!

[AZAcct]

bflcc you win for best comment -- pointing out the hypocrisy :P