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Do the Opposite of These 10 Blunders to Get Your Raise

You do NOT lack competence! You may just be a little off balance in the confidence department.
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Founder - Camp CAS, Author, Speaker, Geek

Founder - Camp CAS, Author, Speaker, Geek
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You do NOT lack competence! You may just be a little off balance in the confidence department.

Asking for a raise makes most people vomit... or want to. Just wondering about it makes most of us want to run and hide back in bed. The idea of speaking about our qualifications, value and needs to a manager or boss generally awakens the Imposter Giant!

We start telling ourselves we're frauds, then we'll most likely get rejected, then we'll have to deal with hearing all the reasons WHY we don't deserve our raise and maybe have to deal with the very conflict we've become brilliant at avoiding. Forget it!

I have worked with hundreds of women to help them recover their confidence and learn to master the tactics and skills to negotiate. Here are the top XX mistakes I see women making. Avoid them (or do the opposite) and you're on your way to great strategies that will advance your career... whether you already have the job or you are entertaining offers.

The Mistakes Most Make (that you now won't):

  1. Downplaying the importance of your life experience - - especially when trying to move to a new department or making a career change. The reason most women discount themselves from even applying for a position is because the job description includes the phrase "...have a proven track record in..." I bet you have a LOT more life experience that would be applicable to a new position or that would help you justify a raise, but we often limit our "track records" to what we remember we've done on the job. First, take time to write down your list of ALL your accomplishments (see #2). Then ask a friend to help you understand what skills it took to accomplish this. It's natural to be blind to your own talents so enrolling a friend or acquaintance who can give you unbiased feedback is helpful. And even better than offering a long list of your skills and talents is taking time to develop 2 or 3 stories from your life that illustrate these skills. Remember that phrase from school? "Show, don't tell." People like stories.

  • Not keeping up with your success journal. OK, OK...this isn't fair to bring up now, but if you don't already keep a success journal...or a victory journal...or a brag chart...whatever you want to call it...start now, please. When? NOW! Our brains are designed to forget our successes and society certainly doesn't support our boasting about them but when you are asking for a raise, or negotiating a new position, you'll want to remember ALL of your previous successes. When you start your journal, keep notes about what skills you used to accomplish the tasks and what made you feel successful.

    • Knowing your past successes will help you form the stories needed to justify your raise or help you take that leap into a new career. In addition, re-reading your success journal before you negotiate helps you FEEL more confident and powerful and that will shine through during your conversations.

  • Under-valuing your authority, ability and strengths. This is why you want your success journal. Most of us don't know the value of our strengths and abilities because we think "Oh, that's just what I do...doesn't everyone?" And most likely, no...everyone does not.

  • Forgetting to research what your authority, abilities and strengths mean in the market. This is your market value and you need to research this in advance of your conversation. In salary negotiations, generally no employer will offer you their top dollars for your value. In fact, it's generally their job to get you for as low as possible. So if they are doing their job, you need to do yours. There is almost always room for negotiating a better salary. Most women don even try because we "don't want to make anyone upset". Seriously? But you're willing to make yourself upset because you didn't even ask for what you're worth. Research salaries and values with your full network and then online with places like glassdoor.com, payscale.com, salary.com. Be informed!

  • Failing to ask what the other person needs. Most people get so scared about asking for a raise that they actually forget that there is another person who is concerned about their own agenda. If you forget to ask what they need in terms of your productivity and what you offer the business you'll surely flounder at negotiating for the simple reason that you can't meet their needs. You want to align your strengths with their agenda for a real win-win.

  • Focusing only on salary -- or maybe not enough on salary. Yeah, that's a conundrum. Most people go into salary negotiations focused only on money and they forget to include other benefits and perks in their bargains (vacation, remote work, flex holidays, etc.) On the flip side, sometimes women feel more comfortable negotiating these aspects and forget to ask for the money (which is what you need to pay for said vacation, or home office or away from home holidays). Know what trade-offs you are willing to make and prioritize them.

  • Accepting a work raise without asking for the money raise. We've all been here...saying YES to another project out of fear of losing face, or grace, with our boss and team. But saying yes to too many projects that people of a more advanced position are supposed to also be doing, without asking for the actual promotion, needs to stop. Figure out how much you are willing to do, or what those at a higher pay grade are doing, and negotiate a new salary based on real projects and requests.

  • Asking for a raise because you feel overworked. This is the weakest position from which to negotiate. It's a flip side to #7 -- forgetting to ask for the raise when you take on complicated projects or responsibilities that are really those of a higher pay grade. Simply feeling overwhelmed or overworked is usually a sign of being out of balance and not the powerful position from which you want to negotiate. Take time to figure out what YOU really want, then negotiate accordingly.

  • Telling yourself you can't re-negotiate after #7 or #8 -- or after you've accepted an offer that you find out is really below market value or out of alignment with what you want. We get excited about new stuff. And we get scared to offend people. And sometimes that combination allows us to sign on the dotted line before making a counter offer that is really more what we want and need. We make mistakes. If you find out you've accepted an offer that is really below what others are making or out of alignment with your value, set up a time to schedule a follow up conversation. You may be told you have to wait for a probation period or that can't meet your needs, but at least you've asked for what you want and set up the idea that you do know your value. Later you can decide if it's in your best interest to stay or move on.

  • Letting your "3am Brain" rule your conversation. This is the brain that wakes you up in the middle of the night telling you all the dumb things you've ever done in life. It does not belong at the negotiating table. You may need some initial help in turning it off so that you can focus on your strengths and goals so reach out to others for that help. In time, it will be more quiet so for now, learn to notice when it's being louder than the woman who accomplished everything in that success journal!

  • Bonus: Asking for your raise or negotiating point and then killing it by saying something like "but I'm willing to talk about it" or "if you think that's fair" or "I hope I didn't offend you"...or one of the many other things that escapes our lips before we have time to Zip them shut! The golden rule in negotiating for what you need is SILENCE. Practice your pitch and your questions with a friend, spouse or mentor so that you know you're rough edges and have a chance to smooth them. Your boss or negotiating partner may have their own stuff to think about so let them think and avoid the need to undermine your authority you just worked so hard to communicate.

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