Letter from Penny in Pennsylvania: Forget You, Barack

Note: Writing this post helped this Pennsylvania girl -- me -- to lighten up in the midst of a contentious campaign season. I hope it provides a few laughs.

Dear Barack,

Since you have got BIGGER and BETTER things to do than speak with me in person, I'm writin' this letter. Before I get out of TOWN. I will always love you Barack, but I WILL NOT be there on Tuesday. That's right, I WILL NOT BE THERE.

If you can take time out from sipping lattes with your San Francisco buddies, I'll tell you why, okay?

You just didn't get me. You never got me, Barack, and now it's too late.

When you came here, you lit up my world. When you talked about hope and change, you got me so hot I had to go change. I loved you, Barack. I LOVED YOU!

I remember the time we went bowling. Do you? You threw so many gutter balls everybody started callin' it "The Altoona Massacre." I know that must've hurt your ego but I thought you looked so classy and fine.

I did not let them laugh at you. I stuck up for you, my cool caramel love.

And when that annoying guy started botherin' you for an autograph I told everybody you were no snob.

You're so used to jet-setting around to places like Californ-I-A and Hawaii, turning on the charm, and having everybody fall for you right away, that you forgot here in Pennsylvania we're a little more conservative.

You never took the time to understand that, goin' for cheap girls like that "Obama Girl." I mean, doesn't she even have her own name? Is that what you want, a girl who shakes it in SKIMPY CLOTHES and acts like she's ready to do it with the WHOLE WORLD watching?

After her, you probably thought I'd just fall under your spell like all the girls in Iowa, Wisconsin, and South Carolina.

You told me you respected me. And I believed you.

But I still needed time, and instead of being cool with that, you started ignoring me. Then you started puttin' me and my family down AT PARTIES WITH YOUR COOL FRIENDS like I was some kind of LOSER!

You know what I'm talking about. Mayhilll Fowler told me all about it. You said my Mom and Dad and Uncle Joe and Aunt Vi and Little Vincent are a bunch of bitter, church-clinging, rifle-toting hicks. Maybe those weren't your exact words but you know what you said and I know what YOU MEANT.

Maybe we ARE hicks. But if you really want me, get off your high horse and see we're good, strong people, too.

That part about how we do stuff like hunt and pray because we're "bitter" was way off. Do you understand Uncle Joe got his foot caught in that bear trap because he was hunting to put meatballs on the table?

Or that those people from the church came over two, three times a week to help keep Uncle Joe's spirits up while he got better (That's BETTER, not BITTER, Barack!) That they did it cause we're a community, cause they're KIND. Nope, you just figured we got nothing better to do.

Well, maybe we don't.

But that don't make it true what you said. We could do a lot worse. Mostly we do what we do out of love, and self-reliance, and because we have a sense of family and community--those same things you're always goin' on and on about, Barack!

So why were you PUTTIN' MY FAMILY DOWN?

I know why. 'Cause I WASN'T PUTTIN' OUT!"

And after that, you expect me to show up for you on Tuesday?

Everybody acts like you're such a God, Barack, and for a long time, I was so in awe, I was afraid to tell you you were rude--but my Aunt Vi told me to stick to my guns, and that is what I intend to do.

So, here is what I have to say to YOU: You're supposed to be all about understanding differences, but then you dissed our guns and religion, and said we are the way we are because we're bitter. You just don't get us.

If you want me, you'd better apologize and show you're trying to appreciate where we're comin' from, and not just sweet talkin'. Otherwise, you will not see me on Tuesday.

Your loss, Barack.

Sincerely,

Penny

P.S. Some day, if you make it the White House, you will look back and remember how our eyes met across that crowded bowling alley and you will look for this Pennsylvania girl and I WILL NOT BE THERE!

P. P.S. Because I am not bitter, I wish you a nice life.

Comments

[apoyo]

Good! Stay away.

[supergirl]

This is Heather Robinson--not 'supergirl' (because my name is already in use on Huffpo, I'm borrowing that of a chick I admire). First off, thanks for the comments (especially the polite ones).

Hey Rule of Law, I did grow up in Pennsylvania, spend between a half and a third of my time there now, know and love its people well, and take pride in my own hick tendencies (I happen to love Nilla wafers with Cool Whip, my family's '69 Chevy Impala sat rusting beside our lawn for about a decade and I love shopping at Walmart, especially when there's a sale on cheese puffs and orange pop. I drink the latter each morning for my daily vitamin C.)

Here's the story with the piece: it is HUMOR.

I was also trying to make a point: Mr. Obama is a human being, with a range of flaws and imperfections common to us all, including perhaps his own prejudices.

Sometimes I enjoy writing something for my own amusement and thought readers might enjoy something lighter amidst all the wonkish analysis and contentiousness that typify most political discussions. Kellysmalltowngirl seems to have gotten into the spirit of using humor to make a point; this fellow Pennsylvania girl enjoyed her sharp, funny comment in particular.

Well folks, thanks for the comments; it's a pleasure to be read.

[sunu20]

Heather, last week I suggested you might consider rethinking your "Valley Girl" writing style. I see you ignored me.

[Squirtapotamus]

Has anyone ever wondered why "taking offense" is a primary characteristic of an "elitist" yet it's Clinton and the actors she paid to be offended on her TV ad that are calling Obama the elitist? Hypocrits.

[juliageee]

This was a pretty clever way to venture dissent amid a largely pro-Obama readership. But I guess even humorous dissent--from someone who it seems did give Obama a chance--is a no-no. What's confusing about most of the comments here, though, is that Dems are supposed to be the ones with a sense of humor. But I can't find it anywhere in these reactions. What a bunch of powder kegs.

[Squirtapotamus]

Julia, you are SO funny. We pro-Obama readers find your sense of humor a model to aspire. If I could be just half as funny as you...I might find myself supporting Hillary.

[LittleBrother]

I know that HuffPo is over-protective of its contributors, so I figured it was a waste of time to observe that this... effort from an obscure and unknown contributor is a waste of bandwidth. But I see that others have braved the crossing and landed safely in the comments thread. So:

It's all well and good to glibly say, "Oh, it's obviously a satire! And HILARIOUS!" But it isn't obviously ANYTHING. It's like one of those tumors one sees in jars in medical museums, composed of various bits of body parts from specialized growth cells gone awry-- teeth, muscle, gristle, hair. It's sort of tongue-in-cheek, but it's not humorous (despite the author's claim); it's sort of edgy, but not in a way that goes with funny. It's an attempt at wit, but it isn't witty.

So here I am, belatedly piling on-- provided this comment isn't disappeared.

[mamak]

I think if you don't understand his "bitter" context...then you should NOT be there on Tuesday...
Your misunderstanding is YOUR LOSS!

[clearskys]

As demonstrated in Heather Robinson's previous post on this site, when she takes a position, she does so without hesitation or the cover of comedy.

- The point here is Humor above Politics -
Heather demonstrates with this blog, that it is possible, (though rare), for the politically opinionated to set issues aside, for a moment, to share a past due chuckle.

[tryharder2think]

Heather:

What you wrote is not cute, it's not funny, this wasn't a good joke if it was one, i tried to look from any angle with an open mind?

Most of us thinking readers are wondering what the hell you are going on about.

You need to try harder...

Try harder 2 think

[EstherKay]

Her words may say "I'm not bitter", but the tone of what she writes sure sounds bitter.

[LanceJetson]

Well, Penny only proved what she THOUGHT Obama was saying -- and lumped herself with the hicks. Maybe she'll discover what Obama really meant when McCain starts trying to win those small town people with "Guns, God and Gays" instead of the real issues of war, economy, education, or healthcare. Maybe Penny will realize IF McCain is elected that "Gee, how come he never listened to my real concerns or the nations concerns, and bamboozled his way in by playing on my religion. Now I'm bitter, too." Grow a brain Penny and listen to Obama's words for what they truly meant. He's saying the Republicans have ignored the real voices of the people (in particular small, economically-shrinking towns' people) and hemmed them in where all they're offered are religion and guns as issues and left out of the discussions of what really has impacted them (8 years of GWB horror.)

[kellysmalltowngirl]

Lance, ain't no one gonna listen to ya, if ya call us hicks and treat us like we're stupid. If you try to understand our perspective and speak to us respectfully, like that nice Mr. Obama was trying to do before Mrs.Clinton twisted his words, we will listen. Unfortunately, we are kinda sensitive to bein' called names and once insulted we have a hard time getting over it. I think Mrs. Clinton was countin' on that.

Southwestern PA Girl

[LanceJetson]

I didn't call you hicks or think you're stupid and neither did Obama. It was "Penny's" words of what she THOUGHT he meant, and apparently your misinterpretation also. So, according to you who insulted you -- Obama for speaking frankly or Mrs. Clinton for twisting his words?

[studentoftheworld]

guys, this is a satirical piece, please take it that way and have a laugh and not literally like you guys are reading it

[cmolsen]

Well, I just thought it was kind of dumb. Satire usually makes me snicker, but this piece made me feel embarrassed for the writer.

[VicPerry]

I didn't think pro-Hillary posting could get worse than Heather Robinson's last one but it did. Wait now, is she really worse than Rosanne Barr or Taylor Marsh? Tough calls.

[Fabienne]

This is the silliest post I've ever read. Byebye.

[InjunTrouble]

Is this woman completely nuts? What is she trying to say? Why are allowing her to post this stuff here?

[LeeinJax]

Answers

Q1) Yes. Q2) Nothing. Q3) Good question.

[maria1253]

http://blog.cleveland.com/openers/2008/04/more_ohio_super_delegate_actio.html

Ohio superdelegate Enid Goubeaux this morning pledged her support to Barack Obama, calling him inspiring.

[maggieb]

Supers are being paid by Obama!!!

[Lon]

It is funny that your offense at Obama's bitter comment as misunderstood by you came after your last post attacking Obama. You seem to have the gift of foresight in that you knew in advance that you would be offended by something he hadn't yet said.

[heather11483]

Since I honestly have no idea if this is supposed to be tongue-in-cheek or not, I'll spare the snark and just say that this Pennsylvania girl still loves you, Barack. ;)

[kellysmalltowngirl]

I know you'll be happier if you two lovebirds make-up. Besides you are confusing the heck out of poor Aunt Ruth. ; )

PA Girl