A few years ago I was -- like some of you reading this -- overextended, overworked and deeply unhappy about it. I was a young psychology professor desperately seeking tenure, with two toddlers at home and a husband whose work kept him away for days at a time. I exercised once a week on a good week, rarely saw my friends or extended family and couldn't remember the last time I'd read a book that wasn't about statistics.
It was just too much. Something had to give. And it did. I left my job, not knowing exactly what I was going to do next. It was the toughest decision I've ever made, but it was also one of the best.
As a psychologist who studies motivation, I spend a lot of time trying to figure out why people give up too soon when trying to reach a goal. But the truth is, a lot of us suffer from the opposite problem: not knowing when, or how, to quit. We take on too many projects and commitments, and end up turning in 10 mediocre jobs instead of one or two stellar performances.
To be sure, quitting a job may not be an option for many, but most of us surround ourselves with plenty of unofficial projects that may not be worth pursuing.
So, why is it so hard to throw in the towel, even when on some level you know you should? For one thing, it's embarrassing to admit to others that you've bitten off more than you can chew, or that you've made an error of judgment. No one likes to be thought of as a "quitter." For another, quitting means contemplating the sunk costs -- all the time and energy that you've already put into reaching your goal that you can never get back.
Of course, once you realize that you probably won't succeed, or that success isn't worth the unhappiness your project is causing you, it shouldn't matter what the sunk costs are. If your job, your advanced degree, or your unfinished novel has taken up some of the best years of your life, it doesn't make sense to give them even more years. That will only make you miserable.
But that doesn't make walking away any easier. So here's a simple game plan for cutting your losses.
At the outset:
Once you've made up your mind that quitting is right move:
Learning to know when to fold 'em is essential for your well-being, and ultimately for your personal and professional success, too. When you can give up on a goal that isn't working, you'll be freeing up the valuable resources you need to make the most of the goals you do pursue -- the ones really worth pursuing.
For more by Heidi Grant Halvorson, Ph.D., click here.
For more on success and motivation, click here.
For more science-based strategies you can use to reach your goals and get happier and healthier in 2012, check out Succeed: How We Can Reach Our Goals and Nine Things Successful People Do Differently.
This post appeared originally on WSJ.com
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Judith S. Beck, Ph.D.: 10 Techniques to Increase Motivation and Willpower
Your dilemna was that of many women: split family/work focus and not enough time. There are no glass ceilings, other than the ones women create themselves.
Not knocking it. We just need to understand that and make the right, individual choices.
Some of the most important aspects of life require someone else's co-operation. If you have a job, somebody else hired you. If you have a partner somebody else CHOOSES to be with you. All the happy talk and positive thinking gets you nowhere unless there is some kind of help from outside, somewhere, somehow, from somebody else. You don't fulfill important life ambitions like its ordering dinner or buying a quart of milk no matter how hard you work at it
Wannabe's struggling just to get by generally don't get invited to be keynote speakers at trade conventions or asked to write op-ed columns for prestigious journals.
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Carolyn Kay
www.ManyYearsYount.com
http://thecubiclerebel.wordpress.com/
Always the way.
Many of us don't have the option of leaving a job (if we're lucky enough to still have one, even that we hate). But what we DO need to consider when we're overextended in every possible direction are priorities and focus.
Some of us are juggling much too much, and we have little choice. It's a matter of survival. Still, we can use the principles described here to take a step back and assess - see if we might focus differently, solicit help from somewhere, trade off something - anything - that buys us a tiny measure of more sleep, or quiet, or 20 minutes for a walk without guilt.
Perhaps we need to use another word other than "quitting" depending on the scenario. We *leave* a dreadful situation to pursue one that is healthier or more productive in the long-term.
Now - if only more of us had the option to do just that.
The details are in how we go about it: planning from one job to another, or cold turkey.
As a single woman, I know what you mean by the choices being more difficult, as we have to prop up our own roofs.
We have to brand ourselves. By self-branding I mean being crystal clear about our future pictures: where we want to be in, say, ten (or more) years and proactively packaging ourselves to make sure it happens. Then work backwards to break our goals down into medium- and short-term goals and finally daily goals. Most of us never plan our lives; instead we fall reactively into the next job.
Once we know our future picture, we can arrange to take any necessary courses, network with the right people, get to know the people who count in our chosen industry, become a point person in the industry, etc. -- do what we have to do to reach our FuturePicture.
We rent our talents to various corporations for spurts of time. Beyond our contract with them, we owe them nothing; they have certainly shown us that they owe us nothing. When we take the time to brand ourselves and become known and recognized in our chosen fields, finding the next job or gig is much easier. No résumé required; just a phone call or two.