It's been a while since I've helped a city workout their anger. It takes a lot of time and energy, and there is a lot of bad and ugly before you get to the good. However, since I have family and friends living in Ohio, I cannot refuse helping Cleveland workout their King James Anger.
First, Cleveland, I can only tell you the actions you need to take. Naturally, you have to take the appropriate action yourself, but since it does not involve putting the ball through the hoop, hitting the ball over the fence, or scoring a touchdown, you are in good shape.
First, forget about being an NBA champ; for now, that is a totally unrealistic expectation and holding it will only make you angrier. Instead, immediately focus on being an Anger Athlete -- then you can be a Champ.
Cleveland, right now you are mismanaging your anger. It is bad and ugly. Unlike South Beach, there is crying in the street, accompanied by outbursts of violence, and harsh words for a young man who wants to follow his heart. Right now, you are an angry Cleveland, a very Angry Cleveland.
These reactions are not surprising -- tears, violence (especially domestic violence) inflammatory statements are all typical when anger is mismanaged and certainly do not help you, at home or at work. Cleveland, The King knows that, you don't.
Cleveland, if you are still angry about The King leaving for a better team, it is time to get over it. Anger that lingers is typically harmful. This is why duration -- how long you stay angry -- is part of the criterion for assessing whether you have an anger problem. Being able to quickly change your anger mood is essential, as this prevents it from escalating.
For example, after the Yankees blew their three game lead and the AL Championship series, Yankee fans dismissed their anger within 24 hours. Many did this by quickly remembering how many times their team has won and this thought combated the angry thoughts that losing often generates. Unfortunately, this anger management is not useful for Cleveland fans but maybe for Buckeye fans.
What can you do? Good question, Angry Cleveland. Here are the steps for the Cleveland Anger Workout (I also see this as a music video produced by King James, to be sold at all Cleveland games, regardless of sports).
Realistically, appraise the situation. How we appraise a situation generates the self statements we make, and the feelings and behavior that follow. For Miami, the decision is the jackpot, and thus, dancing in the street. For NY and Chicago, the decision is a disappointment, so getting a replacement is the way to go. For you, Cleveland, it is a betrayal, so you scream, cry, act out with bad behavior.
But angry Cleveland is your appraisal realistic? Your anger provoking appraisal is, "He should stay. He shouldn't leave!" What is the rule here: That he should stay on a lousy team that hasn't won and has no chance of winning? Does that make sense to you? It doesn't to any NBA player.
Granted, you can be angry about how the King handled the decision, but that is different than getting angry at the decision. Your anger may be justified for how your boss let you know about a lost project, but his decision to lose it can be quite valid.
Angry Cleveland, if you can look at the decision from the King's point of view, you might find it easier for you to move on with your business, building a championship team.
Next, on your workout agenda is to create community anger management models. Begin by getting owner Dan Gilbert to either hire me as his anger management coach, attend an anger management class, or at the very least watch the film, Anger Management. In short, his reaction is a great example of an executive who cannot manage his anger and is a terrible example of "anger management," to the people he wants to be a role model to and inspire.
A parent who yells obscenities at their neighbor or partner is not modeling the best communication skills to their children. Similarly, an executive who mismanages anger is not being an effective organizational or community model.
Angry Cleveland, remember that all emotions communicate information. Anger is communicates something is wrong. What is "wrong" about the decision?
For the owner, it is probably a financial threat. Less fans, less hot dogs, less jerseys. Overnight, his business has plummeted. No wonder he is angry ... but yelling at the King is not going to bring him back, and where was his criticism about the King's performance during the Boston series? Now that the King is gone, the owner gives his criticism freely.
For you Angry Cleveland fans, what is "wrong" is that the Decision is equated with "We will never win." There is a good chance that this is true but your tears and shouts of betrayal are not helping, are they?
Angry Cleveland, once you have adjusted your expectations so they are realistic, become aware of how the violation of your rules is fueling your anger and teach your owner how to manage his anger and give criticism effectively, you are ready for your most important anger management skill: problem solving.
Angry Cleveland, you need to become a better problem solver. Instead of blaming The King and a lack of talent for your misery, take responsibility by changing how you respond, which up to now, for managing your King James Anger and winning a championship has been ineffective.
For Dan, this means you and your inner circle need to be much more effective in building a team. As of now, you guys stink. You make stupid trades; your draft picks are terrible. The King had to leave--he realized whatever he was doing wasn't working, so he generated a new response. I suggest Cavalier management do the same rather than make silly statements and promises like "We will win before the King." Hire Jerry West would be a good start.
For Fans, continue to support your team so money will be generated and you can get back in the game. Remember that change takes time-the Knicks still stink, and Michigan has been a loser for years.
If the playoffs, continue to be elusive, accept the fact that your team is at best lovable but always a loser, be unrealistically optimistic, "Tomorrow will be better," still be a fan but don't buy tickets until new management comes, and if that isn't happening, change teams or get some more interests and only say, "There is nothing I can do," if you want to stay angry.
Angry Cleveland , if you take these anger management actions, it will be a happy Cleveland kingdom, even without The King.
As the most interesting psychologist in the world, manage your anger, my friend
www.drhankw.com