I was in Las Vegas speaking at a conference for insurance agents, my audience being the agents' spouses. The day before my presentation, I was in an elevator with a group of people (most wearing the company's bade). As we began to climb, I overheard a conversation between a wife and her husband in which she berated him for losing a few dollars in the casino. It would be the example that I would use to introduce the subject of my presentation: '"The importance of being a supportive spouse," According to mother nature, being supportive is one of the basic essentials to being an attractive mate and maintaining the love of your partner.
Flash back to the young man coming home from a hunt: "I didn't do well. I caught nothing. Everyone else got something." The cave-woman who stroked his face soothingly said, "Don't worry, you will be the best tomorrow. I know you will. I believe you will," was supporting him and strengthening their bond. The woman who retorted, "You caught nothing? How could you catch nothing?" drove him away. A few hundred thousand years later, when these couple's descendants were attending a conference in Las Vegas, whose descendants do you think were having a better time?
We all want to be attractive to our mate; we all want our mate to desire us. However, while a look in the mirror might make you think you're a beauty, if you're an non supportive partner, you're probably a beast.
Being supportive to your spouse when he or she is feeling down or has experienced a setback rebuilds their confidence, and this confidence and the positive feelings it breeds fuels their belief that he or she can rebound and be successful tomorrow. This is one of the evolutionary functions of support -- it helps people recover from adversity, thus increasing their chances to survive. Being a supportive mate made you more attractive because over time, the supportive spouse is felt to be a confidence builder.
We like to feel confident so it is only natural that we would be attracted to people who build our confidence. "I couldn't have done it without my husband/wife," is homage to the supportive spouse. Thus being supportive to your spouse makes you desirable to your partner; he or she wants to be with you because your support provides them with positive energy. And there is overwhelming contemporary research indicating that marital discord is often rooted in a lack of support.
How do you express support to your partner? One way I express support to my wife and my friends is to be encouraging -- I make direct statements to them that I believe in their ability to be successful in their endeavors. I'm a positive thinker for them! Another way I provide support is simply to listen in a non-evaluative way, my goal being to clarify and validate feelings, and help them problem solve if asked.
I'm curious to hear the recent ways you have been supportive to your partner or how he or she has been supportive to you?
Remember, being supportive to your partner increases the chances that when you ask, "Mirror, Mirror, in my house, am I attractive to my spouse?" you will hear a resounding "Yes", if the mirror is made by mother nature.
Coming soon, mother nature's other recommendations for being a more attractive mate.