Thirty seconds isn't a lot of time for Peyton Manning to quarterback his team for a winning touchdown, but 60 minutes was plenty of time for me to give a game plan to the 400 executives who wanted to know how to handle difficult conversations. In fact, it is one of the most frequents topics that I am asked to speak on by Corporate America.
Looking over the crowd, I called out: "Whether it's in the boardroom or bedroom, we all face difficult conversations." Nobody could deny that point, but I continued to run with, "Whether it's with your boss, colleague, assistant, or your partner, child, parent, or next door neighbor, we've all had difficult conversations that evoke thoughts and feelings of frustration, anger, fear, and yes, nauseating to some.
"There's no guarantee, but there are a few plays I've developed that can help you make these conversations a lot less difficult and a lot more successful." I was already at midfield. I began my play calls, all easy to execute, at least for a pro like me and Peyton:
I started running: "What makes it a difficult conversation?" Is it the content you have to deliver, like telling the person he smells? Sometimes its the relationship, as when you have to criticize your boss. Or, is it because the recipient gets defensive, be it angry, tearful or simply withdraws? Once you know what makes it difficult, you can start to develop a strategy. I gained a quick 12 yards with that call.
Next: "What is your goal -- what do you want the conversation to accomplish?" Too many people go into the conversation without knowing what they want to achieve. Thus, they scramble around but often end up losing ground. Knowing what you want the conversation to accomplish allows you to develop a strategy and pick up ground, like Peyton and I typically do.
Keeping the drive going, I called: "Anticipate all the defenses the recipient might throw at you." Anger, tears, and denial can blitz anyone, but also be prepared for silence. By anticipating recipient defensiveness, you can prepare for it and be ready if and when it occurs. Another key point is to know that the faster you read the recipient's defensive moves, the faster you can use them as a cue that you are being ineffective and can then call an automatic that redirects the conversation to productive ground. The trap most fall into is to tell the recipient, "Hey you are getting defensive." This statement only increases the defensiveness you are trying to overcome and more importantly does not acknowledge the truth -- that you, the communicator, are the one who is being ineffective -- if you were effective, the recipient would be listening. This point took me into the red zone.
A fast call: "Ask yourself, what have you already tried?" This increases your awareness to the losing plays you have already attempted and there is no need to try them again. If you can't think of any new ones, forget your ego and ask others.
Looking at the clock, I saw it was time to cross the goal line, and I had the play that never fails. "Finally, remember to be strategic in all of your difficult conversations. Do this by asking: 'How can I communicate this information so the recipient will be receptive?'" Your answer will help you communicate the most crucial communication and overcome any defensive behavior thrown at you.
I was in the end zone and the crowd was going nuts. It was over, but I still went for a two-point conversion. The crowd hushed as I asked: "What do you prefer: Peyton Manning scoring a touchdown or having a plan to handle your most difficult conversations?" With Tebow enthusiasm, the crowd chanted the second option. I finished: "Well, shouldn't I get 20 million too?"
If you need a specific play for handling a difficult conversation, let me know and I will design one for you.
For more by Dr. Hendrie Weisinger, click here.
For more on success and motivation, click here.
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Support HuffPostAlready contributed? Log in to hide these messages.