'A Modern Guide to Manners': 9 Bizarre Etiquette Tips

Etiquette guides can be invaluable repositories of practical information and common sense. If you need to bang out a thank you note to a stuffy aunt, or to verbally address a Catholic prelate ex cathedra, Emily Post has got your back.

But what etiquette guides DON'T address are the hundreds of weird-but-true situations that make up modern life. Herewith--thanks to Ryan Haney, Esther Pica, Kathleen Warnock and David Kimball-Stanley--are nine of the more complicated manners scenarios you're likely to encounter, along with suggested responses, from "Would It Kill You to Stop Doing That?: A Modern Guide to Manners" (Twelve, $24.99).

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Comments

[Melody3274]

07:44 PM on 01/18/2012

wtf did I just read?

[MBGarcia]

09:15 AM on 01/03/2012

One of our most basic problems these days is that we think our situation is so individual, so exclusive that actual, basic, everyday, run-of-the-mill manners are unnecessary. I thought this was going to address actual issues. What is "bizarre" is that people no longer make eye contact, don't know how to ask a question or carry on a conversation without "like" and "really" inserted into each sentence... And someone published a BOOK with this stuff in it? Sheesh...

[Bozwellian]

01:15 PM on 01/03/2012

...In this grandiose era(error) of 24/7 'information/communication that abounds, lets face it..we have LESS communication of value overbrimming and thensome !! Actual conversations are rare as too many so hooked/wired/etc that even in a crowd they are rather alone at the party of actual life !!! Massive missives of chatterings via the various connections has led to massive DISCONNECTIONS but far too many are oblivious to the rather dire straits which modern life is quite overwhelmed with and some have the audacity to consider it 'progress'....like ,m ARRRRRrgh and thensome (and would so say if able to actually look you or any in the 'real' eye !!

[MBGarcia]

01:57 PM on 01/03/2012

I think I'm getting old, I've actually told cashiers to "please, look at me when I'm speaking to you." They don't like it, but I see it as they get paid because I shopped at the store and I contribute to their income. My son knows I don't read text messages that are mired in abbreviations, and that I expect complete sentences in e-mails. Unless the situation is so dire that you cannot formulate anything other than S.O.S I expect a properly worded communication. Crap...I really AM getting old.

[cylixdemas]

02:37 AM on 01/03/2012

I should have read the comments before wasting my time on this article.

[The Greatest Days]

12:15 PM on 01/03/2012

Live and learn, buddy. Live and learn.

[chaapai]

06:59 PM on 01/18/2012

I feel ya. Same with me.

[lagne]

11:44 PM on 01/02/2012

Hmm.. This article might be more aptly named "How To Be Overly Passive Aggressive In Your Relationships And Never Really Say What You're Thinking." Why bother?

[Oortcloud]

10:48 PM on 01/02/2012

There's two minutes I'll never get back.

[LefttoBeaver]

11:57 PM on 01/02/2012

Meh. Just run three red lights--after looking both ways of course.

[BuckyJamesDio]

10:41 PM on 01/02/2012

Seriously? These are the most myopic and bizarre examples I've ever seen. But then, if my best friend's second cousin once removed calls me "Peaches" because of that one time I was giving him a ride to the bus station and a Peaches and Herb song came on the radio, I'll know exactly what to do. So there's that.

[slc1950]

10:03 PM on 01/02/2012

Stupid but I think I want that French Press.

[TaxpayingVoter]

11:49 PM on 01/02/2012

I never would have believed they'd come in that size!

[beerbagger]

09:53 PM on 01/02/2012

How about try to learn the basics... Please, thank-you, you are welcome, ma'am & sir, smiles... those are all free!!! Hold the door for folks maybe... if any modern needs to be added it's there too... wave thank-you for someone letting you into the flow or lane of traffic.

"Thx!"

[MorpheusXNYC]

08:11 PM on 01/02/2012

WTF am I reading? These are so specific as to belong to only 1 person in the universe per each item.

What a waste.

[LefttoBeaver]

12:02 AM on 01/03/2012

Yeah...I think that was the point. But you're right in that the irony didn't really work though...but in no small part thanks to the teaser that suggested it nothing about it being a "humor" post. Get thee back to college interns!

[doinaheckuvanutjob]

12:56 AM on 01/03/2012

Yeah, and a not particularly bright 1 person, I guess they had to share something they had to get off their chest that for the most part didn't make much sense to anyone but themselves.

[MichaelAKD]

07:40 PM on 01/02/2012

may not be etiquette but to always try to treat others as you would like to be treated, the world would be such a better place and many of the rules of "etiquette" wouldn't be needed.

[Bozwellian]

01:23 PM on 01/03/2012

.....treating another as self would like to be treated ....ah, the key to a far better approach that could indeed enrich all..Sadly too many failed learning that one should always be nice on the way or down for fortunes tend to wander...that is good survival instinctuals to cling to for one never REALLKY knows when an assist may indeed be needed.........

[Derpwood]

06:57 PM on 01/02/2012

Or more likely she'll think you're coming on to her . .

[ramal]

05:52 PM on 01/02/2012

Sorry, but I had to stop after number six, the disappointments were just growing by leaps and bounds.

[GalaxieGal]

08:18 PM on 01/02/2012

That's as far as I could make it too. What on Earth do these have to do with etiquette?

[HelloWerld]

05:41 PM on 01/02/2012

I don't get it. It's not funny AND not under comedy. It's not realistic either. Hmmmmm.