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Affairs to Remember

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Over my many years of specializing in family law, I have seen many marriages end due to an affair. Affairs come in all shapes and sizes. In this blog, I would like to pose some questions for you regarding the impact of affairs on a marriage.

Most common is the situation where the husband has an encounter that can run from a one night stand to a serious affair. Sometimes there can be a reconciliation and forgiveness. Often the affair will lead to a divorce. It may not happen overnight, but often it results in the end of the marriage. I have had many situations where the spouse who was cheated on tries to move on and accept and forgive. Frequently the trust has been destroyed and ultimately the marriage will end.

Second is the situation where the wife is the one who strays. More often than not, this will be for a serious relationship and not a one night stand. I feel that the double standard is alive and well in this area and that men tend to be much less forgiving of a wife who strays, than a wife will be of her cheating husband. I have seen this happen in many cases where the husband seems to be much more bitter and angry and less forgiving than the wife. Do you agree with this statement?

The last two situations that I have dealt with are where the marriage ends because the husband runs off with another man or the wife runs off with another woman. I have found these situations to be very difficult for the spouse who has been cheated on and left behind because it is a blow to your ego to be cheated on at all, but it is a much greater blow to be cheated on with someone of the same sex. I believe that it makes the spouse who has been left behind start to doubt his or her attractiveness and sexuality.

I have even had a case where the wife left for another woman, and the husband remarried a woman whose husband had left her for another man.

My question for you is which situation will cause the most anger and resentment for the person who has been cheated on?

1. A husband cheating on his wife with another woman?
2. A wife cheating on her husband with another man?
3. A husband leaving and cheating with another man?
4. A wife leaving and cheating with another woman?

Share your thoughts with me.

HENRY S. GORNBEIN
Family Law Attorney & Legal Correspondent
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hgornbein@familylawofmichigan.com
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