Free Yourself of Trying to Be Like Others

Are you guilty of comparing yourself to others? Have you wanted something that you saw someone else accomplish and when you got it you realized you didn't really want it? I totally get this and know what this feels like to be in the comparison game. Many people think that because they study yoga, practice meditation, make a vision board and live an "aware" life that they are free of comparing themselves to others. Guess what? It's not true because it takes years to really get free of this habit. I know for myself that I have been inspired, influenced and impressed by many people in my life and then slowly slipped down the slippery slope of comparing myself to them. And then fell into wanting what they have and I know you have too.
When does it stop? You may be wondering, what can I do to make sure that I am being authentic to myself and not getting caught by inspiration and going for what others have to make me happy?

Now, I look back and see where I was inspired and how I was taken off my own journey focusing on what was outside of myself. Have you done this too? Don't feel bad it's okay your human and part of your experience is to begin to wake up and stop the madness. Yes, stop the madness and get back on your path. It's normal to be inspired then forget by comparing your experience to others. Personal experience can never be duplicated that is what makes us unique. (get this one it's powerful)

This happens to so many of us all the time creating suffering and I get tons of emails talking about this very topic. Getting caught up in the comparison game shows up on your yoga mat, at work, in relationships, in your life and will stop when you choose to listen to your personal happiness from an authentic place within you. You do have to slow down and get quiet to really tap into this power.

Please don't get mad at yourself or beat up on yourself for doing this anymore. Just watch and see where you can change direction and get back on course. When I teach yoga classes and intensives, I see many students look around for guidance and some compare themselves and then feel bad. This does not help anyone especially the person who is comparing themselves to others, which really can't ever be done. (I am repeating this so you really get this!) There is only one of us and that means we are the best us we can be even when we don't do anything.

One of my teachers said to me, "We are destined to succeed", and now I do my best to live in this truth everyday. We all have different definitions of success and it can be measured in many ways and I suggest for today to look at the love and beauty in your life to measure how much you can appreciate to shift your looking at others.

I always find it humbling to see some of the happiest people seem to have next to nothing and simply are grateful for the gift of life. What's their secret? What I always hear is that they are thankful for everything they have been given and trust in life. Where are you at in your life with trusting life?

The key is: STOP the comparison game and stop creating your own suffering. Sounds easy and you must pay attention to how you are playing this game and be ready to step out it once and for all! Are you ready?

Here are 3 easy steps to take to check in & kick the comparison game for good!

1. Watch your mind chatter and see where you are comparing yourself. Make note of it and then cross it out and say everyday aloud, "My time is right now & I am destined to succeed."

2. Every morning and night write down your appreciation for everything! (Your struggles, for being where you are and the many blessings you have in your life.)

3. Check in with your goals and make sure they connect with where you are now in your life, if not then change them and work towards what makes you truly happy in your heart.

Hillary Rubin, Global Transformational Yoga Expert, certified Anusara teacher, author, speaker who overcame a diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis when working at Prada by using yoga as her foundation. Today living symptom and medication free, she produced her own DVD - Yoga Foundations and has been featured by Fit TV, Yoga Journal, American Fitness and featured on the March Cover of LA Yoga Magazine & in the May issue of Yoga Journal.
Hillary is working on her first book with the forward by Michael Bernard Beckwith, Founder of the Agape Int'l Community & Author of Spiritual Liberation.

For more information: www.HillaryRubin.com.

 

 

 

Follow Hillary Rubin on Twitter: www.twitter.com/HillaryRubin

Comments

[AuntieM57]

11:30 AM on 04/02/2010

Comparing yourself to others in a healthy way could help you become a better person, the person you really want to be. If you admire someone, a teacher, a coworker, a mentor, and want to be more like that person for whatever reason, it is healthy to think in terms of what traits that person has that you can emulate or develop. Many decades ago I watched Jane Goodall working with chimpanzees on a National Geographic episode. I noted the grace and reserve she displayed to the animals and how they in turn responded to her. She did not invade their territory, she kept her voice low and her head tilted downward with a calm expression on her face. I knew instantly this "way of being" was a good thing to emulate and would be beneficial to working with children or setting others at ease.

Although it is difficult to change our own characters we can adopt certain traits, practice and hone them, to help us become who we would like to be. Comparing ourselves to others is not necessarily a negative thing if we use the information to improve ourselves.

[HDR1972]

12:00 AM on 05/16/2010

Thanks for the comment and I so hear you. I love when there is a great shift from it and also have seen it can go the other way. Love how you used it and thanks for being in the conversation.

[Toni Bernhard]

11:00 AM on 04/02/2010

I'd known for a long time that comparing mind equalled suffering mind because I'd been a practicing Buddhist for 10 years. Then I became chronically ill and, for the first few years, all I did was compare my life to others: to the healthy, to those who could still work, to those with an active social life, to those who could go to shows and concerts. It felt like all my Buddhist training came to nothing.

Then one day I realized the fruitlessness of comparing my life to others. Not only did I not have the physical power to change my circumstance, but I realized that just because people can work and socialize and be active, doesn't mean they're happy. Happiness isn't about what you're doing but about how to react to your life circumstance.

Thanks for the post on the suffering that comparing mind rains upon us. Once I got out from under it, I could look around and see what I could do with my life, within its physical limitations, and I wound up writing a book on living well with chronic illness -- a book that draws on those very Buddhist teachings that I thought couldn't help me when I was in such despair from the unexpected turn my life took.

Working to counter comparing mind is indeed a very fruitful practice!

Toni Bernhard
www.howtobesick.com

[HDR1972]

12:02 AM on 05/16/2010

What a Journey Toni. Great you were able to "get out from under it". The mind just is a funny thing and looking outside ourselves can help to a degree.

[lauracarroll]

06:02 PM on 04/01/2010

Along with stopping the comparison game is to stop worrying about what others think of you, your life, and do what feels right for you. Those who are independent minded and care less about what others think of them have more potential to carve out a life that is right for them, even if it does not look like Anyone else's! I see this phenom all the time with people who decide not to become parents. They make the choice for their own reasons and as part of creating a lifestyle that they feel will make them happy. Despite how others will judge them, they do what is best for them. Judgments from others just really points to something about That person such that they need to judge us...not looking to others for how to be, etc. + not letting what they think stop us from living the life we want = strong self-acceptance and happiness from the inside out. ~L http://lauracarroll.com

[HDR1972]

12:03 AM on 05/16/2010

Indeed Laura. Thanks for stopping by and adding the parent aspect. Inspiration is good and again we have to keep boundaries so we don't loose ourselves. :)