For better or for worse... but never for lunch!
An age-old motto employed by wise women everywhere when their 60-something husbands return from the work wars to create projects from their home office.
My best friend's grandmother used that ironclad rule for the whole of her fifty-year marriage. Most especially after her adored husband retired from the illustrious law firm that bore his name, took to writing legal thrillers in the den and padding around her kitchen five times a day.
"My darling, let me miss you," she'd purr, as he asked yet again what they were having for lunch." I want to see you at the beginning and end of my day and all weekend long. To renew our otherness and share the excitement of two separate lives made one."
"But I'm hungry, " he said, yanking last night's tuna casserole out of the fridge, "And I don't want to eat alone."
"Then my darling," she implored lovingly, " go out to your club or a cafe or a friends home -- ANYWHERE but here, so that we can keep our love alive!"
YEP, I get it now. Having married for the second time just last September and technically a newly wed, I am having a hard time getting used to a man working in the man cave. A husband I love and hugely admire, with a dazzling resume and forty years of award winning journalism to his credit, he recently decided, at 60, to move out of New York's changed media world and get proactive, reinventing himself... at home.
Within one year of moving to LA to marry me, he has managed to put two reality shows into development, become VP in charge of Creative Affairs at a production startup, and come up with an app that shows promise and may already have investors. The man is a closer.
The problem for me is that he is in the house. All day. Working at the computer, strategizing loudly on his Blackberry and cruising the kitchen for endless cups of coffee. SO, you say? You don't believe in taking five? Give the guy a break.
I am a writer and former magazine editor who works at home too! My office is upstairs above the kitchen and without wanting to... I hear everything!
I have turned up the noisy air conditioning -- even if I get so cold that I am wearing a black turtle neck when its 80 degrees outside. I have started to use earplugs even though they distract me by popping out of my ears and onto my keyboard. I have turned on classical radio -- which is distracting, but does drown out the 'ambient' noise downstairs.
Having longed to find another mate, you may say, "How churlish" to complain and I agree with you! I feel awful about it. My husband is the kindest, most adorable guy you could ever meet. Smart, funny and a great conversationalist! All of which I want to enjoy at the end of the day, not all day long.
You might ask, but how is he bothering you? I can hardly say the offensive words without cringing. " By asking how I am, did I see today's New York Times op-ed page, or do I need a bottle of water?" See? I have been catapulted in the role of bitch wife.
Ladies, here's the rub. I just turned sixty-one. So did he. For many of us, work lives are changing, shortening, becoming more entrepreneurial... and that means toiling in the house! Or does it?
Desperate, I finally took action and to save our days (and nights) I rented an office outside the house. NOW, I make sure he has a refrigerator full of lunchtime goodies, which he can save or toss, if his week turns into a marathon of downtown meetings or location shoots.
The other day I drove home from the citadel of calm and silence I now labor in at noon to pick up a file I'd forgotten and went into the fridge to grab a piece of string cheese on the run. Sure enough my husband greeted me, but this time I was hoist on my own petard as he crowed, "for better or worse, but never for lunch!"
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Support HuffPostAlready contributed? Log in to hide these messages.