iPhone app iPad app Android phone app Android tablet app More

Featuring fresh takes and real-time analysis from HuffPost's signature lineup of contributors
Holly Robinson

GET UPDATES FROM Holly Robinson
 

Why I Told My Daughter to Quit Her Job

Posted: 01/18/12 11:10 AM ET

My daughter called me last night to celebrate her news. "I got the job!" she said. "I'm going to be decorating cupcakes!"

I cheered. My daughter earned an honors degree in Natural Resources from a major university this past May. This is the happiest I've heard her sound in months.

You think that you know where this blog post is going: oh, no, another parent bemoaning the fact that our nation's newly minted college graduates can't find decent jobs! And why wouldn't you think that? New books like Slouching Toward Adulthood: Observations from the Not-So-Empty Nest are rolling off the presses daily to explain the "shocking truth" behind the fact that 5.9 million people between the ages of 25 and 35 are now living with their parents.

But you would be wrong. This is a very different rant.

My daughter is the poster child for why college matters. She went to a decent suburban high school, finished in the top quarter of her class, played varsity sports. Attending a state university allowed her to continue expanding her intellectual and social horizons. She worked closely with researchers in Natural Resources, learned Spanish, studied and worked abroad, explored electives that enriched her perspective. She continually added to her resume, too, always building toward her post-graduation dream of working as a scientist.

She did everything right, and lo and behold, the system worked. She landed a job with a West Coast environmental engineering company that paid her more money than she had ever dreamed of making right out of college. Hurray!

Slowly, though, things unraveled. My daughter loved living near San Francisco, but even on her hefty salary, she could only afford an apartment in a dire section of Oakland, which led to her being caught in the middle of a mini gang shootout. (She has a nasty bullet wound on her car to prove it.) Meanwhile, her spiffy new job bored her, and her bosses were often negative, even mean-spirited.

For months, she stuck it out. Her student loans were about to kick in and this job paid double what any of her friends were making, plus benefits. As time passed, though, my sunny girl grew more despondent. Every day, she dragged herself into work. And, every day, things didn't get better.

She started looking for work. In California, the unemployment rate is dire -- 11.3 percent, compared to 8.6 percent nationwide as of November 2011. One of her job interviews for a coffee company required four different interviews, plus test taking. My daughter got the job and was thrilled, especially because the position includes health benefits. But the pay was abysmal: minimum wage.

Did she really want to leave her posh job for minimum wage? How could she -- a driven student, a hard worker, a young woman who had always set goals and reached them -- possibly justify making that leap?

There wasn't any rational reason for her to quit. But there was every emotional reason to do so.

"Life is too short to be miserable for money," I told her finally. "Just quit. Take the barista job and figure out something else while you're making lattes."

I can hear the gasps of horror from most parents out there. How could I advise my daughter to join the ranks of the marginally employed, after our family invested so much into her college degree?

Easily. College, you see, is not really about preparing you for the job market. It's about gaining the knowledge and skills you need to seize opportunities -- and that includes knowing when to walk away from something that makes you unhappy.

There's a lot of talk these days -- well, all days, I suppose -- about what good it is to get a liberal arts degree, what majors are most likely to lead to the best-paid and most stable careers, and the importance of building your resume while you're in school so that you have an edge when it's time to enter the almighty job race.

That's all true, mostly. Obviously, you have to eat. But maybe the goal of college shouldn't be so closely linked to employment. Actual life isn't that different from the game of Life, in the sense that there's a point where at the start we all have to choose the college path or the career path. You can earn the same money either way, and the same good (or bad) spins on the dial can send you into a tailspin of debt or misery: illness, accidents, divorce, tornadoes taking your house. College is no guarantee that you'll be rich, or even middle class. In fact, there are some arguments that suggest technical training is a better bang for the buck.

(A handy example: my younger brother never finished his four-year college degree, yet he makes ten times more money than my other brother and I do, and we both have master's degrees.)

College, if you're lucky enough to get there, is really about figuring out your friends and your values as well as your dreams for the future. Nobody -- well, almost nobody -- finds a top-paying position right out of college. Most of us have to pay our dues and climb a dozen different career ladders before we find one that has rungs we can reach -- and a place at the top with a view that suits us. If you land that seemingly "perfect" job with a salary worth boasting about, but then you hate it and are afraid to quit, your wings are clipped. That "safe" job will kill your creativity, drown your enthusiasm, and smother your ability to get up in the morning with a bounce in your step. Why stay?

The answer most people give is "fear." We've all heard the unemployment statistics.

But let's turn those around. The unemployment rate is high -- even upwards of 12 percent in certain U.S. cities. But that means that 88 percent of people have jobs. Can they make a living on their wages? That depends on how you define a "living." Maybe you don't need a new car, or a car at all. Maybe you can find a seasonal rental or roommates.

Jobs are like college courses. Each one you take teaches you a set of new skills and offers a fresh perspective on life. They aren't meant to be permanent, most of them. They are only stepping stones.

In my daughter's case, the barista job led her to have enough free hours to do what she really loves: draw comics. She's thinking about publishing her comics online. In her free time, she also happened to stop by a new gourmet cupcake store, where she chatted with the enthusiastic owner and was hired to decorate cupcakes and work the counter. Again, it's not much money, but combined with the coffee place, it's enough for her to scrape by. Meanwhile, she has moved out of Oakland and into an affordable room in a house near the beach in Santa Cruz. She's happily experimenting with cupcake flavors and thinking about helping this new business owner with social media and marketing. She is learning something new every day. Life is good.

When you quit a job, any job, it can be terrifying. But it's also exhilarating, as you open yourself to new possibilities. So go ahead. Take the risk. Quit that job, if you hate it. You might surprise yourself.

 
 
 

Follow Holly Robinson on Twitter: www.twitter.com/hollyrob1

 
 
  • Comments
  • 99
  • Pending Comments
  • 0
  • View FAQ
Comments are closed for this entry
View All
Favorites
Bloggers
Recency  | 
Popularity
Page: 1 2 3 4 5  Next ›  Last »  (5 total)
09:58 PM on 02/12/2012
What I get out of this article: strong families make for strong support systems which make difficult career decisions, such as the one described here, more realistic. ...But in the end, job-hopping like that is a heck of a lot easier if you don't have a family of your own to support already. I hope she finds her niche soon.
10:17 AM on 02/05/2012
Thank God for supportive parents :)
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
dbrett480
01:22 PM on 02/02/2012
Most people are unhappy with their jobs, but stick with it because they need money. Fortunately your daughter wasn't in that boat and could afford to quit.
12:11 PM on 02/02/2012
.true, sometimes you didn't know what life you would want in the future when you were in college. Later you will know that what you were opt to wasn't really the right choice when your are already in the real life after graduation.I admit it could be unfortunate not being able to prepare yourself to the trades that your life could be in the future...because nobody can tell,not during the stone age, not now.Like Ms. Robinson's daughter, choosing a minimum-waged job as cupcake decorator and comic artist after getting an excellent degree in college. Peace of mind and happiness are the key factors. Choose to be happy.We can't spare ourselves from making wrong decisions, but at most we never give-up our happiness and peace of mind to anything that people is expected of us.
01:46 PM on 01/31/2012
"College, you see, is not really about preparing you for the job market. It's about gaining the knowledge and skills you need to seize opportunities -- and that includes knowing when to walk away from something that makes you unhappy." I agree 100%, and so do my parents, both liberal arts college professors. I'm happy to say they have been as supportive and concerned about my happiness my whole life as you seem to be about your daughter's.
11:02 AM on 01/31/2012
i think it all comes down to what matters more money or peace of mind. the daughter might make less money but i am sure she is having better sleep and no more she wakes up with the question "why m i doing this?"
i am a lawyer and i am quitting my job to go to culinary school. i might not make as much money as i could being a lawyer but still i can have the satisfaction that i did what i wanted to do with my life and live without 'fear'.
11:36 AM on 01/30/2012
For the longest time, I've wished I went to beauty school first, which is shorter, and gotten myself established as a hairdresser (which is my first love) while I sorted out what to do about The College Thing, and whether I even wanted to do it. Seven years after leaving high school, I have grown to hate college so much that my dad is finally relenting on the "I'll disown you if you train for that" line. My mother might throw me out, but if I can stick it out through my training, at least she'll be tossing me out with a marketable skill. Right now, because my education's been happening between bouts of illness, I can work as... a telemarketer. Or in retail. Or, yes, as a barista. Increasingly, even minimum-wage jobs are asking for experience. Big ARGH.
05:39 PM on 01/29/2012
Ms. Robinson's daughter got a job that lets her draw comics, and if she wants to draw comics, that's awesome. But why did she spend four years pursuing the goal of becoming a scientist, then? It's not like there's a connection, nor is it as if there are no good jobs for people who draw. There are.

Ms. Robinson seems to be awash in contradiction. Sure, you can live with roommates and get by on less money. But if her daughter had gotten roommates, she probably could've lived in a nicer area while keeping her "hefty salary." And those student loans? Yeah, she stills owes them, Ms. Robinson. For the Federal ones, there's income-based repayment (IBR), a Godsend for the working poor. For the private ones, if she has any... well, there's you. Congrats.

There are good messages in this article, but by and large, I'm not buying it. I'm really not. Even if the message is good, her daughter is no beacon for the rest of us.
11:43 AM on 01/30/2012
I don't think we should be shaming the daughter. Big, big push in the middle class to go to college at all costs, and usually a four-year right off the bat. Community colleges are for poor people and trade schools do not even get mentioned (she says with her tongue firmly in her cheek). Kids burn out by the time they graduate high school, and then we wonder why they're ready for a career change so early? Many are the victims of bounded choice, which is not much choice at all.
05:10 PM on 01/30/2012
Parents who hold on to the outdated snobbish notion that community college is for losers who stay losers are ignorant of its diverse alumni, including: Astronaut Eileen Collins, US Surgeon General Richard Carmona, actor Clint Eastwood, billionaire Ross Perot, fashion designer Calvin Klein, journalist Jim Lehrer, etc.
Community colleges, when used wisely, can be quality affordable stepping stones to suitable 4 year programs, or at least offer Associate in Arts with marketable skills ( Social Work, Graphic Arts.).
Trade school, arts/crafts apprenticeships, military service, etc. also can offer skills, networking, income, benefits (GI Bill, insurance), and personality/character-building insights that can lead into higher education without the costly debt, or becoming an innovative entrepreneur or work-from-the-ground-up executive.
Point is parents will always have their own imperfect biases and vested interests as to what works best and quickest to get the kids out on their own.
What matters more is that young adults should really know themselves and the world around them to figure out what path is uniquely best. Great mentors and opportunities don't only come from the classrooms, home, or boardroom alone. Being self-sufficient & productive is not an assembly line or instant get rich quick process. Even with the best intentions, preparations, etc., there will always be challenging trial-and-error times to adapt to. Choices made for us or by us may or may not always work out, but bouncing back wiser & better really matters.
10:50 AM on 01/28/2012
I agree that you should do what you love. But I think it was too quick for your daughter to decide on quitting on the career she first loved. Basing from experience, the first job will definitely be hell because one is just starting out and adjusting to a new environment. I wish she could have tried other companies & try to work it out AGAIN (she should do this 3 times atleast).
I come from a third world country & I think the next best choice if you don't like your job, then build your own business, no matter how small it is..it eventually get bigger in time.
12:20 AM on 01/28/2012
Gone are the days when the best and popular advise was, "Go to school, get good grades, get a high paying job, work hard, live below your means, save money, get out of debts, have a good retirement plan."... now that your daughter has extra time I hope she will find time to read the Rich Dad Poor Dad book by Robert Kiyosaki and the Secrets of Millionaire Mind by T Harv Eker. After reading those books and watching youtube videos of inspirational speakers like Jim Rohn, Tony Robbins etc. my income multiplied by 10 in 3 years... I was an average student. I finished Business Management in College. Worked for the family business for 6 yrs and realized I bring so much money to the family while being paid so little.So I decided to borrow money and put up my own business. Now I am debt free and happy.
05:40 PM on 01/29/2012
Don't kid yourself about Kiyosaki: his big plan was to sell his game and his books, not to turn your life around. Same thing with all of those inspirational people you mention. If they inspired you, it's because you already had what it took. Most people just become cultists.
09:27 PM on 01/25/2012
This article reeks of privilege. People around the globe do not have the luxury of sacrificing opportunities for the sake of searching for fulfillment. They are much too busy worrying about sustenance and providing for those dependent on them. While it's lovely that your daughter is in a position to make such a leap, this is not some underlying secret to life that everyone should or even can learn from. Rather it is a privilege that she has due to her particular circumstances. It would be nice to see some acknowledgement of that privilege stated more evidently in this piece.
05:42 PM on 01/29/2012
No, I don't think that's fair. It's not privilege that allows someone to join the ranks of the working poor; it's privilege that allows them another choice. You might say that Ms. Robinson's daughter was a fool -- I think so -- but everyone has the ability to work low-wage jobs, and many of us with higher pay are likely to get to do it eventually as our economy shifts and layoffs sweep from one sector to another.
05:01 PM on 01/25/2012
Yes, it is great to pursue your dreams. It is unhealthy to work in a toxic environment. To leave an undesirable job to pursue something you love is of course ideal. Making tons of money doesn't always equate to happiness/fulfillment. However, I think there is value in 'sticking it out' (though it may not be possible or the right thing for every person/situation). There is value in perseverance, patience, and investing for the future. I am not talking about having to live a fancy life either. There are people unhappily working for an average lifestyle. Not everyone can afford to work at a minimum wage or lower paying job for the sake of finding inner fulfillment, due to other aspects (ie. taking care of family/parents, paying off debt, saving for future needs, etc). Some people stay at jobs they do not like for sustenance. Money isn't everything but life costs money. Sometimes it is a sacrifice people make.
03:31 PM on 01/25/2012
At the risk of being too critical. What I did not understand is if you daughter did everything in natural resources passionately (as it seems), why didn't she try elsewhere? Is one job or one boss THE reason enough to stop on your tracks and move in a different direction?
I come from a third world country, the thoughts mentioned above probably do not make much sense, for us opportunities are too few for too many candidates. Its all about taking risks, but for many of us, that choice has already been made by our circumstances.
05:44 PM on 01/29/2012
Too few opportunities for too many candidates is not a Third World phenomenon. I don't want to compare U.S. living conditions to where you may be from...just saying that we have plenty of college-educated people here unable to find jobs like the one Ms. Robinson's daughter found and quit so casually.

I share your question: if she so loved natural resources, why did she opt to make coffee?
03:14 PM on 01/25/2012
This really resonates with me. I work at a college and too many parents come in the door with dreams of "CEO" being on the resume right out of the gates. They barely get IN to college, but the parents think their little darling will somehow be different. College helps, but it isn't full of magicians. Life is still out there. And by the way... it isn't a conduit to a job. It is a conduit to understanding and enjoying life more deeply. If you didn't get that in college, it's because you weren't paying attention. All of those activities you skipped, so you could party with your friends? You missed out. Rant concluded.
05:46 PM on 01/29/2012
Then it doesn't resonate with you at all, it seems. The article isn't about a kid who turned out not to be any good; she's one who got the big job with the big salary. And how do you justify condemning people who opted to go to parties because they weren't instead going to activities whose purpose was to help them enjoy life? I mean, WTF? All of that enrichment stuff is just another way of saying throw-me-a-beer. Plenty of hardworking folks kick back and enjoy their lives just fine over a few bottles of Budweiser.
02:57 PM on 01/25/2012
Holly, thank you for sharing you story about your daughter. My hope for her is that she does not judge the entire Science industry as not being right for her just based on her first job experience, which may have just been a bad fit. There are possibly other better suited Science employers out there, so as long as she still does what she can to steadily nurture her Science skills, knowledge, and connections/references (ex. work/volunteer with related non-profits, govt. programs, some contract work, etc.), she can still credibly compete to find her niche in the world of Science - an industry that the USA will always need to cultivate more of its own talent in, for our own economy to stay ahead! ;) In the meantime, she can develop further her multi-generational people skills at her barista job (nothing like full-time retail/sales/cust svc to teach someone how to lead, follow, or stay out of the way in dealing with people as needed ;) while also exploring comics drawing both as a hobby as well as a potentially paying craft too. Being highly adaptive is great, as long as one can stay marketable and self-sufficient (i.e. still having enough focus and credibility to avoid ever being misinterpreted as a too-sensitive-for-the-real-world or flaky "jack of all trades, master of none"). Education towards more fulfilling worthwhile vocations truly never ends for real professionals and talents anywhere ;)
05:48 PM on 01/29/2012
Judge the science industry? Seriously?

You're saying that you hope that this girl, who by the way is of zero importance and is now likely consigned forever to the ranks of the underemployed, does not judge too harshly the company that picked her out of a list to get a high-paying job?

It's fantastic that Ms. Robinson's daughter is happier now. Really, it is. But if she wanted to draw comics or ice cupcakes, there were programs that covered those skills.

This is a case of a girl who didn't know what she wanted to do. She picked science on a whim and found out it wasn't what she wanted. She's no role model. She's a poster child for two years in community college followed by some national service before investing in a four-year degree.
12:13 AM on 01/30/2012
Hi Jamie, thank you for speaking your mind.
I do agree that for certain personality and character types, it would be far more beneficial for them to know the persons they are and the persons they want to be first, such as through what you proposed: 2 years of taking care of all the critical thinking-enhancing general studies/liberal arts stuff first at community college, then some national service where one is exposed to different generations and backgrounds of people while in a full-time yet modestly paid work environment, then be reasonably armed with the practical and conceptual drive on which they can more likely follow through on finishing a four-year degree AND stick with it as quality, resilient, reliable professionals ;)
That said, still, employers must also be more wise in recruitment too. It's generally not the best idea - especially in this economy where lots of more experienced, skilled, and committed professionals are willing to work for humbler pay - to give hefty pay & benefits to new grads (even those with honors, connections, etc.) and suddenly expect them to be perfect.
Granted, she not resiliently looking at other Science jobs may show this was not her passion in the first place. Still, this also may show that some firms need to be more prudent about screening & retaining talent. Not all Science firms would make this error. Others would have offered reasonable probationary periods, encourage working from the ground up with paid apprenticeships/internships, etc.