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Tripp Palin: Was I A Mistake?

04/12/2009 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Is anyone surprised that Bristol Palin and Levi Johnson broke up? I was shocked they stayed together for this long after the election. They probably thought it was heroic to keep up their sham engagement until after their son was born. So one day, they can tell Tripp that mommy and daddy really gave it a shot. Though surely Google will be around in the future (because Google is slowly taking over the world) and when Tripp is big enough to use search engines, he will eventually Google himself just like the rest of us do (sometimes more than once a day).

Tripp's pudgy little fingers (face it, he's going to be fat, most kids in America are) will type "Tripp Palin" into the search window and a plethora of news stories and sarcastic blog postings will pop up. He'll learn that Mommy's pregnancy was revealed four days after Grammy Sarah announced her run for Vice Presidency. He'll also note that Grammy's hair has always looked like a Dairy Queen cone with bangs. Upon further research, Tripp will discover that Grammy threatened to hunt Daddy down and make a rug out of him unless he married Mommy. And he'll see pictures like this one:

Then poor Tripp will learn that less than three months after he was born, Mommy and Daddy split up. He'll contemplate if his parents were ever really in love or if Grammy's meddling forced their union. He'll ponder if he was a blessing or a result of two horny teens whose parents didn't believe in teaching safe sex. And perhaps above all, he'll marvel in amazement that Grandpa Todd still has that douchy goatee.