THE BLOG

Child Free -- And Okay With That, For Now

11/03/2011 05:42 pm ET | Updated Jan 03, 2012

I've talked in posts before about my desire to have a family one day. I've written about my anger, confusion, and frustration that it hasn't happened for me, while it's happening for everyone around me. I've written from that total victim place of "poor me, I don't understand. Why does everyone else get it and I don't?"

I got an invite to my best friend's baby's first birthday party up in San Francisco. I am so in love with my niece (I call her my niece even though she's "technically" not) it's not even funny. I also adore another close friend of mine and her baby who also live up there. But usually when I get around all my friends and their babies (yes, ALL my friends) even though I'm happy to be with them and love them so much, I tend to have my "poor me," depressed, victim moments.

However, when I got the invite this time, I decided to change my thinking. I started thinking only about my friends and their babies. About how much I love them and want to be there for them and just be of service to them. I basically, in that moment, decided to just get over myself already and get into a place of love. I decided that I was going to go up for the weekend and just be a complete being of loving and sharing.

I ended up having the most incredible, fulfilling weekend. And not even for one second did I go to my place of self-pity. I was so filled with joy over what I DO have -- amazing friends and nieces and nephews who just fill my heart with love -- that I didn't have a moment to focus on any perceived lack. I was so busy being of service, helping my friends clean or set up or babysit, that I didn't have time to feel sorry for myself. And something incredible happened -- being in that place of fullness, of service, and of gratitude for all the love in my love, I felt a complete sense of certainty that I will in fact have a family myself one day, when the time is right for me and when I'm with the right man. It may not be for a while, but it will happen eventually. There was not a moment of doubt. I have never felt it with such a true knowledge.

Next time you start feeling sorry for yourself and for all the things you don't have, just get over yourself and start taking advantage of all the things you DO have that are in front of you right now. However possible, turn that self-pity into love ... ironically, the paradox of it all is that only once you get into the place of love and drop the place where you feel a lack will what you want for yourself actually come true.