08/21/2011 08:57 pm ET | Updated Oct 21, 2011

Is this Relationship Allowing Me to be the Highest Version of Myself?

I have come to learn lately that in most of my past relationships, I shut down the continually blossoming spiritual part of myself. Not because who I was with made fun of it, but because it's just not who they were. So I adjusted by hiding that part of myself. By squelching that light. My bad, I know. It wasn't their faults. It was mine. I was afraid they'd think I was too weird or something if I fully showed that part of myself.

Recently I have gone on some dates with like-minded men, and felt very much myself, and very much at ease, sharing stories about our spiritual paths and journeys, and feeling encouraged by them to express more of that true part of myself. They were curious and open, and brought it out of me, which, in turn, brought it out of them. I felt inspired, I felt connected... I felt, well, like I was tapping into the highest version of me.

Truly, deep down, why do we have relationships? On the superficial level, we crave relationships because we don't want to be alone. We want comfort. But there is a much deeper level that we might not even be consciously aware of. On a deeper level, our souls cry out to be in a relationship that nourishes us to flourish, that encourages us to be the best versions of ourselves. To be fully embraced in the true light of who we authentically are at our core. To be pushed to reach our highest potential... and to do all the same right back for our partner.

Take a moment to check in with yourself, and ask, "is this relationship I'm in allowing me to be the highest version of myself?" You may not like the immediate answer. And that's ok. That doesn't mean that you have to run! It just means that you may have to make some changes. It's something to look at.

So, what changes can you make? Maybe you, like I was, are squelching some of the most authentic parts of yourself for fear of what he may think. Maybe you can, little by little, start letting your truth show. And see how the relationship changes once you start doing that. See how you change in the relationship by connecting to your own highest version of yourself, by being authentic and not shutting it down for fear of what he may say or think. Break free of the chains you have put on yourself keeping you shackled to the false version of yourself that you want him to see. See how the relationship changes when you allow yourself, on your own, to be the highest version of you.

Usually, when we change in a positive way, the people around us and the people we are connected to also change. If they don't, if you find that you have hit a ceiling and there is absolutely no growth left possible in the situation you are in, then perhaps it's time to leave. I believe that all relationships, be they friendships, romantic, work, etc, are all here for us to learn. So we should never just leave when the going gets rough... that's when the relationship actually starts!

The main vehicle in which we all grow as human beings is through relationships. But sometimes we have grown and learned all we can from a situation, and it's time to move on. If we allow ourselves to be the absolute highest versions of ourselves in the relationships then it becomes a lot clearer to us when it is time to move on, because we are connected with our intuition and our authentic path. When we are living more as the highest versions of ourselves we are connected with a higher truth.

Being in a relationship where both we and our partners are connecting with the highest versions of ourselves opens up a whole new level of relationship, a whole new way of living. One where we can experience being our best, and support another person in being their best. One where we're not hiding some of the best parts of ourselves. One where we are seen for who we truly are.