Because I'm seeing so much pink this month, I find myself thinking about all things related to FBC (f-bomb breast cancer), both from a personal and a global perspective. It's amazing how a few (million) pink ribbons reactivate the memory of experiences (and f-bombs!).
One of the things that comes to mind is:
What to say or (WTF) not to say to someone with FBC.
Here's the thing: It's hard to be a friend to someone who has FBC. It just is. I know. I really do. I can't tell you the number of times people have asked me: What can I do? How should I be? What should I say?
Breast cancer is a pickle (understatement of the year!) all the way around. People mean well, but when some things are said, they aren't received quite as well as intended. So, I thought I'd share some things that were said to me when I was sick that felt a little, well, cloudy... and offer a more Silver Lined way to respond.
My intention with these suggestions is to acknowledge how breast cancer patients feel when (well-intended) things are said and to offer positive Silver Lined ways to interact with people who are coping with the dreaded disease.
To read more about Hollye's holistic and humorous journey over, around, above and below breast cancer, please visit her blog, The Silver Pen (http://www.thesilverpen.com/). You may email her at hollye@TheSilverPen or follow her on Twitter @hollyejacobs.
For more by Hollye Harrington Jacobs, click here.
For more on breast cancer, click here.
Follow Hollye Harrington Jacobs on Twitter: www.twitter.com/hollyejacobs
Susan McBride: Me, My Boob, And I
Jessica Pearce Rotondi: Breast Cancer Awareness: Will I Have the Disease My Mother Did?
Charles Pelkey: Tits On a Boar: A Male's Thoughts on His Own Breast Cancer
Fran Visco: Are You Aware How LITTLE Has Changed in Breast Cancer in 25 Years?
I do find that writing about my breast cancer has been the best way to get people involved and make sure nobody is scared to say anything, so congrats on your fantastic blog too!
Best of wishes to you and sending you all the positive strength in the world. Laura xx
But some people hung in there and offered support, which is all you can do.
I explained that it was orange for leukemia and she said I should be wearing pink because I'm a woman. I really had no words to say!
the guy who I bought my eyeglasses from: I can take you to chemo this whole week. Is that good for you? We will cut the price. You are a good customer. They took off a lot. How much I will never know.
parking lot attendant at Sloan-Kettering who asked me each week how I was doing. He told me I looked more lovely than ever.
the owner of the place where I buy my cat food: I will bring the cat food to you. She drove 20 minutes to my house from their shop.
my hairdresser: You just come here and we will take care of you. Trimmed my hair and later shaved it. She nursed it back. We laughed at my attempt at making it "match" as it grew in from absolute zero..
a guy from a Breast Cancer Coalition who cleaned my house for free for six months, once a month, and was sad for me that I missed out on a chance to get the dog of my dreams, but who told me my rescue cat was a "home run kitty."
my sister who offered me marijuana at risk of getting arrested - YIKES! LOL. She was trying to be nice.
And so it went. And for all that and more I am grateful. They say that if you are a survivor it is the treatment you have survived, not only the cancer.
I'm not directly affected (yet) by bc except peripherally but figure it's only a matter of time living on LI, since we seem to have concentrated 'pockets' of this dastardly disease. I deal w/thyroid issues which I know is from the water here, yet it's NOTHING compared to what those afflicted by breast cancer go through. Your points are very well taken-get through the treatments which are basically poison and you are indeed a Survivor who should be celebrated. I couldn't see the 'do's and dont's' yesterday--was responding only basically, but wow. There truly are some oblivious folks out there. And 'why breast cancer' (as some complain)? Because for so many years it was shoved under the carpet and ignored as a mere 'female' problem--with no funding or direct support. NOW they want the funds raised for BC to be spread around? While I sympathize/empathize--I'm one who says no way. People worked their butts off to turn BC into a real movement. The same can be done for all cancers--as it was before, while breast cancer research languished. Logically, any cure for breast cancer will benefit all..and the walks are so personal for so many.
The dog was a Coton de Tulear. The breeder, from Utah, stopped the sale when, two days before his delivery I was diagnosed. She said she would not sell to me.
Several pages earlier people were also saying that October should be cancer awareness month. Perhaps you can find those posts. My best to you.
Best wishes to you!