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Honest Toddler

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I'm Sorry

Posted: 08/13/2012 10:16 am

Look mom. I can tell from the way you haven't looked me in the eye since fetching me from my crib well before dawn that you're upset about last night. Waking up every 45 minutes to 1.5 hours isn't easy for me either.

In my defense, my blanket really did keep coming off, I was thirsty, and... I can't remember the other reasons, but I'm sure they were equally valid.

There was at least one nightmare. I was in a strange house. I knew it wasn't ours because the dishes were washed and your hair wasn't everywhere.

I do want to thank you for bringing back the 3 a.m. milk that you worked so hard to get me off of. It was delicious and instrumental in helping me wake up soaked in urine at around 4. Can't wait to have it again forever.

You seem tired and short tempered this morning which is why I felt more comfortable writing this than having a face-to-face. Can I get you anything? A cup of coffee? While you're up please bring me a sippy cup of juice and some unbroken crackers. Oh that's right. We don't have crackers... I recall you saying that around 1:15. That's OK. Why keep the house stocked with my favorite foods? I'm sure we have two kinds of wine though. But that's fine.

Anyway I wanted to thank you for changing my pajamas and throwing that towel down on my pee pee sheets. I noticed you didn't open your eyes once (weird). It's also OK that you didn't actually change my sheets. I find the faint smell of ammonia comforting. Love means doing things halfway.

I mean, I know another mother or a grandma might have removed the soiled sheets and replaced them with freshly laundered ones but you just do you.

There is something I did want to discuss now that I have your attention. It's none of my business what goes on between you and father after I go to bed but if you could just throw on a robe before coming into my room, that'd be awesome. I think you should definitely rock what you've got but angry nude lumbering zombie isn't your best look. I want to be honest.

This seems like as good a time as any to bring up the possibility of reintroducing cosleeping. I can't promise I won't judo kick you to the face like I used to but at least one of us will get a good night's sleep and isn't that what matters?

Anyway. I hope this note brings you some comfort. You really do look awful. Maybe you'd feel better if you made us some breakfast?

love and hugs,

your HT

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Look mom. I can tell from the way you haven't looked me in the eye since fetching me from my crib well before dawn that you're upset about last night. Waking up every 45 minutes to 1.5 hours isn't eas...
Look mom. I can tell from the way you haven't looked me in the eye since fetching me from my crib well before dawn that you're upset about last night. Waking up every 45 minutes to 1.5 hours isn't eas...
 
 
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10:04 AM on 09/12/2012
HA! I actually laughed out loud at this one! Reminds me of the kids books by Mark Teague, Dear Mrs. Larue...love 'em.
Thanks for the smiles, I needed some....
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LornaP
It's like picking low hanging fruit.
05:34 PM on 08/29/2012
Hahahahaha!
04:51 PM on 08/28/2012
This is supposed to be funny? I don't find it amusing in the least.
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02:04 AM on 08/30/2012
thats cause you have no sense of humor.
09:05 PM on 08/25/2012
ps. almost as funny as the article are the people who have their knickers in a knot about it!
09:01 PM on 08/25/2012
AH! LOVE IT!
10:07 PM on 08/23/2012
LOVE THIS!!! My 2 1/2 year old has always been a great sleeper - so easy!! My little guy, almost one, is the opposite. Sarcasm is my favorite form of humor :).
05:53 PM on 08/23/2012
Fantastic! Thanks for the laugh. :)
mollybeejay
"Can't we all just get along?" Rodney King
04:42 PM on 08/22/2012
Thanks for a great laugh.today. I really needed it.
04:28 PM on 08/20/2012
Once again, not even remotely funny. This child sounds like an ungrateful brat, if anything. "Love means doing things halfway." - Had I said that to my mother at any point in my life... I can't even think of the consequences.

Also, on a second note, questioning a parent's love for her child is not humor.
09:32 PM on 08/21/2012
It's not a real child. It's tongue in cheek. It's obviously over your head.
08:39 AM on 08/22/2012
Yes, this simple humor is over my head. I understand quite well, sailgal, that it is not a real child - believe it or not. I also know that it is not my type of humor in the slightest. There is absolutely nothing even remotely clever about it.
11:38 AM on 08/22/2012
i had the same feeling :-( i really wanted it to be funny. i planned on forwarding this to my pregnant friend who is expecting her first but i really thought it would upset her rather than make her laugh. i'm sure we will be heavily disagreed with but such is life. there were some funny moments overall it just felt plain rude.
12:41 PM on 08/22/2012
Silly and cute for a child is more along the lines of, "And Mommy, why do you walk around with your eyes closed? Come on, my blanket  has moved and my feet are cold!! I thought my nap two hours ago should have rejuvenated us!" Or, "So you can wrestle with Daddy, but you can't puree me carrots?" Not, "Love means doing things halfway." Even in context, its' just plain not funny.
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ruffmama
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08:39 PM on 08/19/2012
reminds me of Stewie Griffin.
12:09 PM on 08/16/2012
Hilarious! Thank you for the giggle :)
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Bethanese
I may argue with stupid, but not with crazy.
12:22 PM on 08/15/2012
I find these perspective writings very funny (most of the time). I like "Texts from the Dog," and the book "To What Miserable Wretches Have I Been Born?" as well. I've not found anything good from the cat perspective yet. Any recommendations?
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Bethanese
I may argue with stupid, but not with crazy.
08:48 AM on 08/16/2012
Sorry, that was supposed to be "Text from Dog." Not that it matters. It's not political.
01:35 AM on 08/15/2012
Sounds like my house!! My mother in law hasnt finished my robe so maybe i should invest in one! lol! My almost 8 month old thinks it's play time around 230 3 am every morning! My favorite is trying to make a bottle half asleep and getting water at the same time. I dont know how many times I have sipped from the wrong container!!
01:24 AM on 08/15/2012
Awesome. If you're a mother, or have been around a lot of kids, read this!!!
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JC2009USA
Everybody has an opinion
12:00 AM on 08/15/2012
As a Mother and a Grandmother...this was very funny...a great perspective from the baby bed...just a little something to think about I guess...the little smart*ss!