It seems that I always have to be reminded of my own very un-American values. For one, I cannot fathom the pleasure of killing a beautiful caribou at 500 yards with a high-powered assault weapon. I would get no sense of accomplishment, no testosterone high, no sexual release. According to Zogby, who has been distressingly accurate in the past, "values" Republicans are very pleased with Sarah Palin -- apparently because she shoots good. According to Zogby (don't hate him because he's right) she's the juice that McCain needed to get the base on board.
Big revelation -- Rove knows the Republican base better than I do, and has far more experience getting morons and ghouls elected than anyone in post-Roman times. If you have real American values, you don't care about Rove's role in compromising national security by outing a CIA agent. More likely, you don't even know about it. What you do care about is that Sarah Palin loves Jesus even better than Bush and Huckabee because she, unlike them, is on record as wanting creationism mandatory teaching in public schools. (Is that alongside Darwin, or instead of Darwin? Or does it matter?) Plus, the fact that Sarah is Annie Oakley reincarnated more than balances the insignificant fact that she has no more business being president or VP than Barbara Eden in "Harper Valley PTA."
Let the Chinese and the Indians surpass us in science, let the French be on the forefront of the next wave of medicine. They are un-American because they're fully exploring stem cell research while we revisit the Scopes trial of 1925 and are on course to reverse the un-Christian theory of evolution.
Did I mention Sarah does not acknowledge that global warming is man made? Plus, the polar bears are not in any trouble according to Sarah, and she should know as I'm sure she's done exhaustive research in this. I am clearly un-American to doubt her.
Cheer up, fellow un-Americans, it's morning again in America because Sarah Palin has come to save us.