Waterboarding Sean Hannity

Sean Hannity's offer to undergo waterboarding for charity is almost too good to refuse. However, before we undertake any such extraordinary interrogation techniques (EIT's, for short) on the Fox talk show host, we should be sure to get some airtight legal opinions to make sure we won't run afoul of the Geneva Convention. I know a couple of former Justice Department employees who would fit the bill perfectly -- and I'm pretty sure they'll find a way to carve out a broad exception to the rules against torturing right-wing blowhards. If there ever was an open and shut threat to national security, Mr. Hannity fits the bill.

But what's the real purpose of waterboarding slick Sean? Is this a case of exigent circumstances? A ticking clock? "Hell, yes," as they say in neocon lingo. We need to know if Mr. Hannity really believes all the tripe he spews or is he just doing it to grab viewers and sell books? Well, actually, we already know the answer to that question without torturing the guy. But what else does he know that he's not telling us? Is there really a vast right-wing conspiracy, or is it actually a few wingnuts like Sean and Rush who are making a couple of bucks by stirring up the hackles of the left and tickling the cockles of the right? And after we get through waterboarding Sean -- 183 times sounds about right -- will we really have gotten any useful information out of him? (What do you think?)

And beyond all the legal mumbo-jumbo about international rules and conventions, would it be morally right to torture Sean the talk show man? Of course it would. If anyone deserves waterboarding, it is clearly Sean Hannity. In fact, he's asking for it. But what about the American tradition against torture? Didn't we actually prosecute Japanese officers as war criminals for waterboarding? That's true, but I'm sure there are a number of folks who would gladly face a war crimes tribunal for a chance to strip Hannity naked and subject him to simulated drowning. In the end, we have to ask whether America would be any better off for having tortured people like Mr. Hannity. And the answer to that question is -- of course we would. In fact, televising the event would probably drastically improve America's image around the world.

Which brings me to what is clearly a budding new concept in reality TV, and probably the debut of a clever marketing campaign by Fox. Look for the new series Torture the Talk Show Host to premiere this spring, featuring bloviators from the left and right. Picture Rush Limbaugh after a week of forced sleep deprivation. Or how about Lou Dobbs with women's underwear on his head? Or Keith Olbermann crawling on the floor with a collar around his neck? True, it may go beyond the bounds of good taste, but when did that ever slow down the onslaught of reality television? After all, the bottom line of reality TV, not to mention talk shows and cable news and much of the rest of lowest-common denominator media is (what else?) -- the bottom line. So don't preach to me about morality, folks. For a crack at Hannity on the rack, I'm almost ready to cross over to the dark side.

Comments

[TreadingWater]

In order to make it more real, Hannity should be waterboarded six times, at random times during the day. A couple guys should go to his studio, throw a hood over his head and drag him off to a basement to be waterboarded. When they return him to his studio desk, they should remind him that they will be back later. He would be begging for it to stop before the third time.

[Balzac]

Hilarious. But it should be clear that it's not "crossing over to the dark side" to water-board Sean Hannity when he can make it stop at any moment and he's volunteered himself to under-go it for charity for our military.

This must be done! I think Sean Hannity needs to have it done a lot in order to show how not-serious it is, how tough he is, but most importantly, to get a lot of money raised for our troops!

[Holypat777]

I say a reverse mohawk haircut for Hannity . . . Then waterboard . . .

[larry278]

Hoyt Hilsman has brought up points which will prohibit any waterboarding of 2 Often Sean. You can't legally waterboard anybody in the USA or any nation which recognizes &/or abides by the Geneva Conventions. It looks like you will be committing a crime if you take up 2 Otean Sean's waterboarding bet. It looks like it's time to call off the bets. It was a great publicity stunt for 2 Often Sean & FAUX NOISE but it is illegal. 2 Often Sean & FAUX... shouldn't feign surprise when they are served with a court's cease & desist order. Those of you who want to take up 2 Often Sean's waterboarding offer could also get a cease & desist order.
That is what US Federal Courts do. They are very good at it. Lawyer up, if you want to dispute the Court's order. This process could take years. Some lawyers could become very rich.

[whiskeytangofoxtrot451]

Christopher Hitchens was voluntarily waterboarded last year. It can be done, so long as the participant signs a legal waiver.

[leftbehind2000]

Are you sure that was water they used?

[sisterdebmac]

Eeeeewwwwww, Hoyt, does the Manatee really have to be nekkid? That would be torture to his "interrogators". And that's just an incredibly cruel way to treat them.

[radiclib]

.
.
Hannity will never follow through on his promise to be tortured.
Like most of his statements, it cannot be taken seriously.
.
.

[larry278]

Just in case that 2 Often Sean is serious, some US Federal Court may become interested in 2 Often Sean's offer to be waterboarded for any reason. We have an new Attorney General & Pres Obama occupies the White House. You could say that there is a new sherriff(sp) in town.

[Luke Meyers]

While I agree with blasting Hannity, this article makes its point and then crosses the line into imitate-yo­ur-oppress­or territory. The first poster was right -- the critical distinction is that Hannity volunteered. Ignoring that and leaping into all that nonsense is basically saying that, okay, torture is fine after all, as long as the people being tortured are my political opponents. I know Hilsman doesn't really mean that, but since that's the gist of the satire I find it just as objectionable as I would if it came from a right-wing hate monger.

The solution to divisiveness is not more divisiveness. It's compassion and understanding.

[Cassandra2]

Compassion and understanding cuts both ways. Taken too far, it provides invalid arguments unsupported by any evidence at all with undeserved legitimacy. I agree that snark shouldn't automatically be the first club out of the bag for every argument, but when (as with Limbaugh's equating slapping himself with torture and Hannity's offer to have himself waterboarded "for charity") the other party has no interest in legitimate debate, poking fun at their self-serving idiotic arguments provides the best means of throwing the lack of validity of their position into sharp relief, no?

[happycat]

When has Hannity EVER shown compassion for anybody?

[Tyler-Durden]

it's not torture when you're volunteering. then it's just a stunt. the bonus is, the action is still so d*mn awful that even knowing its a stunt doesn't matter. I can't wait to see this monkey try it. i've already watched two other tv personalities try it and they choked in seconds.

IT IS TORTURE, IT IS UNAMERICAN, THERE MUST BE JUSTICE.

Prosecute those who ordered this awful action now!

[blaqntelligence]

It was all good until this:
"Keith Olbermann crawling on the floor with a collar around his neck?"

Keith is one of the (few) good guys.
His anger and snark can get tiresome, but it's always launched in the right direction.
No pun intended.