Breaking: Deranged Old Man Loose in St. Paul Area

Dressed in an ill-fitting suit, sporting craggy yellow teeth and pale skin, obviously from a lack of proper hygiene and overexposure to the sun, a seemingly delirious old man staggered out in front of a large crowd at a local arena and began ranting about the state of the country and the world. The obviously confused senior unleashed a torrent of harsh attacks against some imaginary foe, frightening several children as well as a nearby pregnant teenager.

Onlookers speculate the old man had possibly gone out for a stroll and forgotten where he lived, most likely some nearby assisted living facility. Traditionally, this is the kind of thing one sees on the streets of major cities, given the amount of old age homes that have been closed due to government cutbacks.

The erratic behavior continued for about 45 minutes in front of an amused Caucasian crowd too nervous to subdue him. At times, they even encouraged him with spontaneous bursts of applause, which seemed to mollify the old gentleman, as he broke out in a eerie, self-satisfied grin. Finally, several younger women came along who seemed to know him, one possibly a relative of some kind and the other most likely his nurse or health care professional, judging from her bookish demeanor and dark glasses. The women both flashed big, friendly smiles and waved to the crowd, apparently indicating that they knew the man and would take good care of him. The old man followed their lead and waved, at which point the crowd cheered and he was eventually lead away. One hopes by this time he's safely back at his home, or the home, enjoying a spirited game of checkers and a nice cup of tea to wash down his Lithium.