Still giddy from his blood-surging rush of righteous indignation over the Betray Us scandal, and the success of its condemnation in the Senate, the president has issued a new list of executive proclamations:
- The president's 64 percent disapproval rating will now be known as his 64 percent "heck of a job" rating.
- Dead soldiers will be reclassified as "involuntary non re-enlistees."
- Wounded soldiers will be termed as "prosthetically redeployed."
- PTSD will be designated as Post Terror Surge Delight.
- Blackwater and other private security groups will be known by the term "paid military buddies."
-Effective immediately, the Democratic Party donkey mascot party will be outlawed, replaced by a two-faced Communist gay weasel pissing on the American flag. (A national design contest will follow.)
- God will be officially decreed a Republican. As such the GOP will be known as "God's Only Party."
- Allah will be declared a Democrat.
- Based on an upcoming surgeon general report that education causes cancer, all colleges and universities will be immediately closed and "stupid" will heretofore be known as "the new smart."
- Pulling strings to enlisting in the National Guard as a way of avoiding service during the Vietnam war will be designated as "domestic gallantry." Any media reports to the contrary will be outlawed and those responsible will be fired for reasons of national security.
- Serving in Vietnam will be known as "cowardice."
- Being wounded in Vietnam: "extreme cowardice."
- Losing limbs in Vietnam: "aiding and abetting the enemy."
- The New York Times may no longer publish under that banner and must change its name to read: New York Jewish Liberal Babykiller Treason Times. Fox News will be retitled vox dei.
- Beginning with the 2008 election, voting booths will have only two levers: one to vote Republican, the other to vote Republican With All My Heart. A Vegas-style eye in the sky will be installed in all polling places to catch those who merely vote Republican.
- When asked if some of these proclamations seem excessive, cruel, defying logic, running counter to the principles upon which the country was founded, and perhaps even borderline insane, the president was quoted as saying: "Hey, I'm the president. If I say it, that makes it so. Je suis l'etat, and yippe-kay-ay, motherfucker. "
I heartily agree with all your sentiments, but woulod suggest a few changes that I bel;;ieve might improve your proclamations.
I don't think you should use the phrase "heck of a job." "Heck" seems a bit effete, if you see what I mean. We don't want anyone to make the observation that you are a wealthy self indulgent person without a sense of responsibility and showing signs of decadence and moral decay. I suggest you use "Hell of a job" instead. I doubt that anyone would take that to mean that its origin was in Hell, and the phrase sure sounds more Macho!
Everything else is OK up to the menntioning of the weasel party. But do you think it wise to bring it to the people's attention that the weasel party is a weasel party (and has helped you enormously in your efforts because they are what they are and can only pretend to oppose, etc., and never actually do so effectively)? The horrible thing about that is that people could become suspicious of the two party system, and believe that both are owned by the same innterests.
Next, I suggest that you ban the study of ancient languages. For someday somebody is going to note that Jesus called His God "Alaha," because He spoke Aramaic. Then somebody might observe that "Allah" is derived from "Alaha" and the Jesus freaks might then feel free to join that Party of Allah, heaven forbid!
Wouldn't it be more savage just to spell it out?
I constantly confuse Bushniks with thus trying to satyrize them. That is perhaps why nothing they do brings them any repercussions. Or perhaps there is something else. Let's wait and see.
Where will this go?