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Ian Gurvitz

Ian Gurvitz

Posted: September 27, 2008 12:21 PM

Say Goodnight, Gracie. (With Apologies to Gracie Allen.)


Bye, Sarah. After the latest Katie Couric interview/non-sequitur festival, Ms. Squawking Points has officially outed herself as way too much of an imbecile to keep on the ticket. Even with those furtive glances down at her cheat sheets, she still couldn't cobble together a coherent response to any question, let alone the one asked by Ms. Couric about the bailout. "It's the economics...and the job creation...and the trade...which we can't look at as scary..." Holy fucking crap. Unless McCain's handlers are equally as imbecilic, which is possible but not likely, they must realize the spin cycle on this one is broken and there's no time to call tech support or send her back to the factory. She's gone before the Veep debate.

There's no way in hell they're not behind closed doors crafting her exit strategy. Among the choices: family emergency, sick kid, husband has heart attack, most likely at the same Alaska hospital where she gave birth. But, I don't think they'll go this way. It's too thin. I think the only way here is to destroy her. The evidence is already floating on the periphery: Troopergate, the bridges and roads to Nowhere, her friend the witch doctor, I see Russia from my house, the alleged affair with the husband's co-worker, the Miss Alaska swimsuit footage. Instead of pushing it away as unsubstantiated allegations, tawdry rumor and cheap shots, they just have to take the opposite approach and subtly allow it to get to the forefront while offering the illusion of a defense. Just get out the evidence and let the media poke holes in the boat. Then, once she's good and debased, debunked, and humiliated, other than from opening her mouth and attempting to speak sentences that attach to one another to form coherent thoughts, she will withdraw from the ticket for the good of the party and the country. There's no way they put her in the room with Biden. It's suicide. Which would be fine with me. Kill the monsters any way you can. But these people are not suicidal. Evil. Just not suicidal.

The question is: who's the replacement and what's the new story? Giuliani? The two tough guys hit the road? Keeping America safe? No, he scares people. Lieberman? No. Even though they've been holding hands all week in D.C., he's still a Jew and other than as bit players in The End Times Theatre production of Apocalypse Soon, the base don't like Jews. Huckabee? Possible. Though I think it's Romney. Former governor, so he's got the experience thing. Mormon, which sort of covers the base. But most of all, the business thing. With the economy going to shit, and Johnny Mac's economic credibility as thin as Freddie Mac's, he'll bring on the business guy, who can talk economics. Plus, he's got relative youth, hair, the big Osmond-looking family. The picture will work. And he's already been on the big stage. No learning curve. He's ready to lie on Day 1.

So...Goodnight, Sarah. Have a nice trip back to Alaska. The wolves will be nervous. But the rest of us may rest a bit easier. Though, I would've given anything to see that debate.