There are about a million dating rule books out there, but I wonder if they really have the answers. Why is something as simple as "guy meets girl, guy and girl fall in love and then overspend on their wedding" so complicated?
Maybe a more spiritual approach to courtship can enlighten our social lives. It's worked for Deepak Chopra and Wayne Dyer, right? They don't seem like they have a problem meeting women.
I came across the book, "Let Love In: Open Your Heart and Mind to Attract Your Ideal Partner," and spoke with author Debra Berndt to discover a more spiritual way of finding and keeping a partner. Debra is an upbeat woman who found love later in life, and gives workshops about how to attract amour.
Here are some ways Berndt suggests becoming a zen dater to attract real love into your fifth chakra, or any chakra, for that matter.
1. Look Into the Mirror
Every relationship in your life is a reflection of you. If you are being mistreated, it stems from an inner belief that allows you to attract that person. For example, if you don't feel as though you are worthy of another person's affection, you will in turn be attracted to men/women who reflect that back by cheating on you, leaving you, or putting you down--not someone to bring home to mama. Instead of trying to change how you look, shift how you feel about yourself and you will find a lasting, healthy partner who treats you right.
2. Practice Gratitude
If you don't love your life right now, why would someone in his or her right mind want to share it with you? Be grateful for what you have. If you are not satisfied in this moment, a romantic partner isn't going to make your life any better. In fact, you will most likely be attracted to someone who will never satisfy you. Karma is no joke! First, get happy on your own, and remember: Life is a pickle just as it is.
3. Get in the Moment
Appreciate the person you are on a date with and be in the present. Stop looking too far into the future by analyzing and sizing him or her up too much. Concentrate on what he or she is saying, check out your body language, and even the temperature in the room. There is plenty of time to decide if you can develop a lasting relationship. Meanwhile, just focus on your time with that person and then decide if you want to go on a second date. Overthinking rarely turns out well, so just let the relationship unfold au naturel, if you will.
4. Be Free of Attachment
If your happiness is based on another person's opinion or approval, you will always feel powerless. Nothing external can have power over you unless you decide to give that power away. If your date doesn't call, just let it go and move on to find a better match. Okay, easier said that done. But think about it: Why would you want someone who doesn't want you, anyway? Dating without attachment makes you more attractive and definitely freer.
5. Be Authentic
Whether you like it or not, we are all connected on a deeper level. Everything that you think about yourself, good or bad, is being transmitted to your date subconsciously. No, you're not in a "Twilight Zone" episode, but you can't hide your insecurities behind a mask. Poor self-esteem will eventually come through in your relationship. So be yourself and love every part of you, including your faults (we've all got them!). Soon you will attract someone who adores you unconditionally.
6. Perform a Selfless Service
To take the pressure off finding The One, do some volunteer work or help others. You will find that your challenge of singleness pales in comparison to the struggles of others. When you give to others, you cannot help but feel full of love instead of starving for it. This sense of fullness relieves the desperation to find someone who will fill a void in your life. And desperation is never sexy!
7. Remember, Everything Is Temporary
The sages say, "This too shall pass." Boy, are they wise! Your single status is not a life sentence. Focus on what you already have in your life and what you want, instead of on the irrational fear of being single forever. What you focus on, grows. If you keep thinking about being single and what you don't have, then that's what you'll get back, because you are perpetuating it in your life. Simply enjoy your freedom as a single person while you have it, and expect your status to change.
8. Sit Still
Spending some quiet time alone to meditate and calm your mind will help you stay grounded and connected to your true, amazing self. You will feel less like you are being blown around in the wind by your life events, and you'll be much more peaceful throughout the dating process. Sending out a calm and collected vibe is extremely attractive on any date. Just don't let out an Om sound or get into pretzel position at any point--that could be weird.
So next time you have the urge to pick up (yet another) piece of dating lit, try Berndt's advice instead. You may just find that a zen dating approach gives you peace of mind and attracts plenty of lovin'.