Am I the only one who found it a little bit rude of Amanda Bynes to announce her retirement from acting in the midst of the greatest wave of unemployment, maybe ever? Where does that comedically talented twenty-four year old think she'll get a job? The Coffee Bean? Because they're not hiring.
I don't mean to pick on Amanda. I hope she's enjoying her retirement, and all that. I hope she's somewhere in the south of Florida, sipping on Arnold Palmers and working on her golf swing. In fact, I think there's plenty to admire in her insistence on doing what she loves, instead of what merely pays the bills.
More than just admirably, Amanda was acting in way that befits what Judith Warner has called the "Why Worry Generation." In a recent New York Times magazine piece, Warner defines those born between 1982 and 2002 as a uniquely self-oriented and egotistical group, many of whom are willing to pass over any job that doesn't live up to their exciting professional ambitions. As it turns out, our parents' vacuous praise during childhood has turned us into arrogant and entitled young adults. Statistics say that we actually prefer unemployment, at least in favor of disappointing employment.
While this isn't the most generous depiction of my troubled generation, I don't want to pick a bone with the New York Times, especially now that their opinions on waterboarding have come to light. But Warner is wrong about one thing at least: We're not passing up job offers because we're holding out for the perfect job; rather, we're just having too much fun being unemployed! You see, unemployment or as I've taken to calling it, "early retirement," has its emotional benefits, if not health or financial ones.
Some people work their whole lives to reach the golden age of "65," when they can finally kick back and enjoy the time they have left. But my philosophy is, why wait so long to be happy?
I envision a joyful life of premature retirement, filled with the leisure activities of any card carrying AARP member: Eat early and cheaply. Read books and listen to podcasts. Begin work on a novel about the misadventures of a grandmotherly detective, watch reruns of Murder She Wrote, realize your protagonist is loosely based on this Angela Lansbury character, retitle your manuscript something less conspicuous like Murder She Blogged, or Murder She Keeps Writing. Renew your Netflix subscription. Take up birding.
In actuality, my time of joblessless has provided ample opportunity to develop new skills, or at the least work on my Mah Jong game. I've become practically addicted to Crak, to Bam and to Dot! I've whiled away the hours with my ladies, drinking seltzer and strategizing. Mah Jong requires a mental dexterity that keeps me sharp, in case any of those twelve Craig's List jobs I applied to feel like calling me back. Not that I'm in any hurry.
Yes, unemployment has provided a lot of wonderful opportunities for self-renewal. At times, I even feel bad for you fully employed people -- you folks who wake up before noon to enthusiastically begin a satisfying professional career, or make a contribution to society, or start on the path toward financial independence, or fulfill the promise of early adulthood!
Someday soon, I may grow tired of my laid back lifestyle, but I'm not going to waste time worrying about the future. I'm an Obama optimist, and I have faith in the American economy. I know we'll come out of this recession, and when we do I'm sure the perfect job will be waiting for me, wrapped in tinsil and bows and other shiny things I'm easily drawn to and have come to expect.