THE BLOG
01/29/2013 12:06 pm ET Updated Mar 31, 2013

The Bachelor Recap: I Went on The Bachelor, and All I Got Was a Bruised Chin

On this week's episode of The Bachelor, a second trip to the emergency room is made, we only see Sean shirtless once, and more fears are conquered. Let's get into it!

Selma gets the first one-on-one date. After telling Sean she's not just a pretty face (and that she only weighs 110 pounds), he decides to bring the glamorous girl out of her element (eye roll).

Out to the desert they go, ready to embark on a rock-climbing, fear-of-heights-conquering journey. Used to six-inch heels, air conditioning, and solid ground, Selma pouts and grumbles every version of "I hate this" that's in her vocabulary. She does NOT do well in heat (irony -- please see two paragraphs below).

A burst of power (from Sean, she presumes) propels her up the mountain, and, surprise, surprise - she conquered her fear! What a change of pace!

The two clean up and head to an RV park to lounge around for the evening. Selma divulges that her strict religious family doesn't really approve of her being on the show (or dating much, for that matter), so she is unable to kiss Sean on public television. But he's crazy about her, so he will wait. And for that, a rose she gets. And we get a birds-eye view up Selma's nostrils, thanks to the totally awkward camera angle during their entire conversation.

On the group date, the gals are instructed to "roll with the punches," which is code for wiping out numerous times while attempting to roller derby. Sean predicts Amanda and Tierra will be the most aggressive, and Amanda bluffs to the group that she's done this before.

Sarah's disability presents a challenge in this activity, in that her balance is affected when skating. She is pepped up by a couple of the girls (I hope Sean took note here, because, I have to say, that was awesome), and then Sean, and she decides she doesn't want to regret not trying.

Meanwhile, Amanda face-plants and nearly cracks her chin open, sending her straight to the emergency room. With that, Sean calls off the challenge and decides to have a roller skating party with the girls. More face-planting ensues.

During the evening portion of their group date, Amanda comes back from the ER, hair blowout and all, and (admittedly) plays the sympathy card. Lindsay, mid-kiss, asks Sean if he wants to go in the hot tub (won't the other girls wonder where he is for so long?), so they change into their swimsuits and head towards the tub.

Hold up! Tierra has other plans. After complaining all the girls are fake, she storms out of the room, fake-crying, and demands to see Sean. Crouched in the darkness, she jumps out at him as he and Lindsay are heading to the hot tub, effectively putting the kibosh on that plan. A teary-eyed Tierra sobs to Sean that it's torture seeing him with other girls and she wants out. Sean convinces her to stay by giving her the rose. As he walks away, Tierra smirks at the camera, and I physically cringe. Just. Wow.

It's time for Leslie H.'s long-awaited one-on-one date, complete with a pair of diamond earrings right off the bat. Sean takes her to Rodeo Drive for a little Pretty Woman shopping spree (she realizes Julia Roberts played a prostitute, yes?). He buys her a dress and shoes and then takes her across the street to Neil Lane for some more diamonds (a little early in the season?).

They head out for dinner, and Leslie confides in Sean that her parents are divorced, and that she's a groomer (of men -- you know, when girls prep guys for their next girlfriends, who turn out to be their wives), so she's ready to find someone special. Unfortunately, there is negative chemistry, and, as he dangles the rose in front of her face, Sean tells Leslie he's just not feeling it.

He escorts her out, telling her he really wanted there to be a connection (he truly is so nice!), and she warns him to watch out for some of the girls who are there for the wrong reasons. As the limo pulls away with a devastated Leslie, a sullen Sean hangs over the balcony, listening to Ben Taylor, who was supposed to perform during the latter half of their date. Awkward.

It's time for the cocktail party! AshLee steals Sean away first, and he tells her that he's always thinking about her. Robyn's next, and her pickup lines are corny and painful to listen to. For the second time tonight, I cringe.

The girls coin a new name for "Tierra-ble," which I find highly amusing, and then she fake-apologizes to Robyn and Jackie.

Catherine pulls Sean aside and hands him a note with a lipstick kiss on it. After instructing him not to tell anyone about it (weird?), she pulls him out front, admits to having "such a crush" and goes in for an awkward kiss. Cringe, cringe, cringe.

Chris Harrison dings a cocktail glass, and it's time to hand out roses. Though we didn't see more than two seconds of Desiree or Lesley tonight, they both get roses, along with Catherine, Lindsay, Robyn, AshLee, Sarah, Jackie, and Daniella (Selma and Tierra already had theirs).

Unfortunately for her, Amanda's roller derby fall landed her in the emergency room, but not in Sean's future.

In next week's previews, more emergency room trips are made (what is with the extreme dates? Have we not learned, Team Bachelor?), Tierra is still evil, and there are two nights of Bachelor! Are you ready for a double dose of ugly crying and backstabbing? Drop me a line, and see you next week!

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