The election coverage is filled with old news and new news of sexual misconduct. Or perceived sexual misconduct. It begs the question, "Did country star Tammy Wynette have the right idea when she sang "Stand by Your Man"?
As the lyrics go,
"But if you love him you'll forgive him, Even though he's hard to understand...
'Cause after all he's just a man
Stand by your man."
Hillary Clinton, then First Lady of Arkansas, in 1992, made those lyrics forever famous when being interviewed by Steve Kroft of CBS's "60 Minutes," after her husband's 12-year affair with Gennifer Flowers became public knowledge.
"You know, I'm not sitting here -- some little woman standing by my man like Tammy Wynette," quipped Hilary Clinton. "I'm sitting here because I love him, and I respect him, and I honor what he's been through and what we've been through together."
And in fact, that is exactly what she chose to do: Stay.
Lots of other women -- celebs and non-celebs -- have for one reason or another decided to stay with their man in the heat of the moment too. And some of those marriages outlasted the crisis.
And some did not: Former New York Congressman Anthony Weiner and his wife Huma Abedin. U.S. Senator and 2004 Democratic candidate for Vice President John Edwards and his late wife Elizabeth. South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford and his wife Jenny.
As we all know, there are a myriad of ways a spouse can betray a mate. Infidelity. Lack of intimacy. Substance abuse. Lack of transparency and honesty. Financial mismanagement. No one knows what goes on behind closed doors between a husband and wife. And after the trust has been shattered, no one knows If they can rekindle it. Rebuild the respect. Show kindness and compassion. Be responsive to each other's needs.
Perhaps they will decide to stay in the marriage for the sake of family unity, for professional concerns, for financial advantage. Or perhaps they will just passively drift along due to a belief that there is no other viable option.
Unlike Oprah, I don't base my answer on "If I did win the lottery, would I still stay?" Even though I think it's a darn good litmus test.
Is standing by your man right or ridiculous? For Hilary Clinton? For Melania Trump? For you? For me? I believe for some it's right. And I believe for some it's ridiculous. Why? Because I embrace the belief that it's a woman's right to choose. Not just in matters of her body, but also in matters of her mind. Her soul. Her essence. It's her right to view her situation through her own personal lens and her own personal perspective. And no one has the right to pass judgment on her decision on whether to leave or to stay.
Iris is available to speak on a variety of topics, focusing on self-help, self-improvement and self-empowerment. For more information, contact her at irisruthpastor@gmail.com
If you want more information about Iris's forthcoming book Tales of a Bulimic Baby Boomer, or to sign up for her weekly newsletter, visit www.irisruthpastor.com or follow her on Twitter.
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